Revival Dawn - One Piece RP
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.
Switch Account



Latest topics
[Bio] Kaito TsukiyamaToday at 4:12 pmGray[World Event] A Fool's ErrandYesterday at 11:35 amHyde Garland[Rolls] Start me up!Yesterday at 4:08 amRNGesus[Arc] [Rubeck Island Conquest][Part 2] Last Tango in Rubeck Tue Mar 26, 2024 11:24 pmGoldmonger[Saga] The Dark Parade - The Diagnosis [Part I] Tue Mar 26, 2024 9:25 pmRowan Roji[Tracker] Tafari LeonidasMon Mar 25, 2024 7:45 pmTafari[Arc] Dreams of Kings and Castles: Part III- Invocation Under StarlightMon Mar 25, 2024 4:56 pmSkoll[Bio] Tafari Leonidas Mon Mar 25, 2024 3:33 pmGray[Bio] Asakura DojiMon Mar 25, 2024 3:31 pmGray
Go down
NPC
NPC
NPC
Tracker

Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1279

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Thu Dec 07, 2017 8:03 pm
The member 'Baltroy' has done the following action : Dices roll


#1 'Reflex Check' : 9, 10, 11

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 11, 16, 3, 6
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Sun Dec 10, 2017 12:54 am






Don't cause a scene~!





The dart plunged into the marine commander’s neck, but contrary to such a savage action, Kyor appeared to have only noticed it after Ronx had withdrawn his hand. The attack had been so swift that the dart was still clean, only a thin trickle of blood leaving the wound on Kyor’s neck.

Kyor lifted his hand to his neck, to assess the damage before realising his left arm wouldn’t respond to his will. “What?” he grunted, his body trembling with the effort of moving his arm. “Ronx! What did you do to me?”

The blonde-haired man only stared silently down at him, his amber eyes unreadable. Kyor suppressed the shiver from running down his spine, knowing he had faced far more barbaric criminals before. It was simply the contrast between the usual Ronx to the one before him now that caused his disconcert. Yes, that has to be it.

The gravel crunched beneath Ronx’s feet as he slowly approached his opponent, before kneeling in front of him. “It’s nothing lethal, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he responded. He opened his mouth to continue, but the marine commander struck at him, interrupting him before he could say anything more.

[10,000 kilo: Super Jab]


His eyes widening with surprise, Ronx reflexively ducked to the left and the marine commander’s fist plunged into the empty air where his face had been but moments ago.

“That surprised me,” gasped Ronx, his heart pounding erratically in his chest and his cold demeanour dissipating within seconds. “Are you trying to kill me, Kyor?!”

“Maybe,” he snorted in response, quickly pulling his fist back again.

[25,000 kilo: Cannon Fling]

He struck out again, this time a heavy blow aimed for Ronx’s stomach. With a characteristic yelp, Ronx tumbled backwards and out of the way. It was a clumsy attempt to escape the attack, but it certainly did the job well enough.

“You’ve always been best at running away,” grumbled Kyor, pulling himself unsteadily to his feet. Blood ran down the various lacerations across his body, but he stubbornly ignored the pain. “I thought you were planning to take this seriously.”

Ronx shuffled for a bit, his mantle brushing the floor as he stayed squatting on the floor, appearing to be in no hurry to rise back onto his feet. He took his time mulling over his words and growing impatient, Kyor lifted his fist unaffected by the poison. Seeing his readiness for another attack, Ronx hurried to provide his answer.

“But isn’t being serious so...scary?” he laughed nervously at his own answer. “It wasn’t very nice of you to provoke me the way you did earlier, you know. I was seriously thinking about killing you there.”

“As if you could,” scoffed Kyor impatiently. "Besides, you can’t be worried about the consequences now."

“I am!” exclaimed Ronx, his voice rising into a classic whine. “You’re my friend!”

A vein twitched on Kyor’s forehead, but before he could snap at the blonde for such a ridiculous statement, his gaze shifted to the two women fighting several paces away. “It seems my lieutenant is having more success with your cook than I am with you,” he said with a sigh, before turning back to Ronx, who had also turned to watch his own crewmate’s battle.

Ronx echoed the sigh, pulling himself to his feet. “Not for long she won’t,” he said, almost mournful. “I believe in Howai.”

“That’s a lot of confident you have in her,” said Kyor with a sneer, his sharp canines glinting even under the dimness of the single street lamp casting a meagre shadow over the four combatants.

“Of course,” replied Ronx with a gentle smile. “She will also have me to help her once I finish you off.”

His answer took Kyor by surprise for a moment, but he quickly recovered and a wide grin spread across his face. “That’s a lot confidence you have in yourself.”

[Preying Aquilam]

Darting forward swiftly, Ronx struck Kyor's chest with the flat of his palm, dispelling a multitude of his tiny projectiles simultaneously. The explosion of darts sent Kyor stumbled backwards, a cluster of darts protruding from where he had received the attack.

“I do,” said Ronx with an impish grin, returning the pained grin Kyor still wore as he lowered his arm.

Tightening his right fist, Kyor wiped away a trail of blood on his cheek before readying his next attack. “Good.”

[5,000 kilo: Double Sting]

With his numbed arm still hanging uselessly by his side, Kyor charged at Ronx once more, pulling his able fist back to load the next attack. Ronx skipped out of the way, but the marine skidded to an abrupt halt and swung his body around. He pummeled the revolutionary twice in the stomach, two sharp and heavy blows that left his opponent reeling.

[Gladio Talon]

Ronx stumbled back, wheezing, but he quickly straightened and lifted his arm, squeezing his fingers together so that his hand resembled a knife. He darted forward, slashing down Kyor’s chest as though his arm were a sword. An enormous wound cut its way diagonally across Kyor’s chest and before long, blood was pooling at his feet. The marine gasped with pain, wavering but he stayed resolutely on his feet.

[UT: both]

Several moments passed; Kyor struggling to catch his breath while Ronx nursed his bruised stomach. They locked eyes—amber and crimson—and their surroundings appeared to still. The two men no longer paid any attention to the fight ensuing between their female subordinates.

After what seemed like an eternity passed, the men charged forward towards each other, their bodies seeming to disappear even as their attacks crossed each other—Ronx’s blade-like arm and Kyor’s weighted fist—only reappearing where the other had stood with their backs to each other. Unmoving, only the sound of their heavy breaths could be heard until finally, Kyor collapsed to the ground, a new wound marking his chest.

STATS TRACKER:
2 TECHNIQUES USED |  1 PASSIVES USED | 2 ACTIVES USED:
DAMAGE TRACKER:
TECHNIQUE COOLDOWNS:
NPC TRACKER 1:




cait at btn






Last edited by Baltroy on Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:24 pm; edited 3 times in total
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Sun Dec 10, 2017 6:28 am
Howai uses MT [Dos Manos: clutch] on Lieutenant Mana
Howai uses LT [Ocho Fleur: Flip] on Lieutenant Mana
Howai uses LT [Dagā nage] on Lieutenant Mana
Howai uses UT on Lieutenant Mana

Lieutenant Mana uses MT [Crescent Cut] on Howai
Lieutenant Mana uses LT [Flash Cannon] on Howai
Lieutenant Mana uses LT [Flight Edge] on Howai
Lieutenant Mana uses UT on Howai
NPC
NPC
NPC
Tracker

Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1279

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Sun Dec 10, 2017 6:28 am
The member 'Howai' has done the following action : Dices roll


#1 'Reflex Check' : 17, 13, 19, 3

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 13, 13, 19, 15
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:48 am
Revolutionary Mayhem
Episode
Tanaka Howai
A cute girl, who has a propensity for pickpocketing

Moments passed and the two fighting women didn't move an inch. They looked each other in the eye and waited for an attack from their opponent. Suddenly Mana turned her head to the right. „Kyor!“, she shouted. The lieutnant saw – more out of the corner of her eye that her captain collapsed to the ground. „I'll be right there!“ she said and started to run to Kyor.
„Oh no, you won't.“ Howai muttered to herself. She sprouted six arms on Mana to hold her straight, so she couldnt move further. Two more arms were sprouted on the lower back. These pushed Mana in the air backwards.

[Ocho Fleur: Flip]

„I don't think you should face two enemies at the same time!“ Howai pointed out. Mana pulled herself up. „Kyor, keep going! This won't last long.“ she whispered and then with a louder, angry voice: „Pirates and revolutionaries are the scum of this world. We have to put a stop to you“ With these words, she dashed forward. Expecting Mana to cut her again, Howai focused on the blade to avoid it, but instead the lieutenant used the handle to thrust.

[LT: Flash Cannon]

Holding her stomach Howai reeled a few steps back. At the same time, a shadow darkened the sky. The young revolutionary had an uneasy feeling. With an amazing speed, the marine moved downwards and hit her again.

[LT: Flight Edge]

Without taking a breath Mana performed a semicircular cut through the air with such a speed that Howai could see, where the air was cut. Surprisingly the semicircle started to move in the direction of Howai, but she wasn't fast enough to dodge it.

[MT: Crescent Cut]

Finally, Mana stopped her combo. „ Are we done or do you still think that you can beat me?“ she asked breathlessly.
But Howai didn't think for even a second of giving up. She would fight to the bitter end. „You wanna get to your commander? First, you have to get past me!“
She sprouted a whole bunch of arms to create two large arms. These two-meters-high arms grabbed Mana, who was still out of breath. Mana had no chance to escape when Howai used her power to break Manas back.

[Dos Manos: clutch]

Finally, the limbs let Mana go and she landed on the ground. Her hair covered her face and it became silent again.
„Sooo I don....“ Howai stopped speaking for a moment, as she saw that Mana stood up.
„...Oooh, come on!“ Usually Howai didn't like to use weapons, but in this case, she had no other choice. She had to deal with this lieutenant. Alice was relying on her!
For that reason, she got Nettlecurse out of her handbag and threw the dagger at her opponent.
Simultaneously she sprouted an arm on the Manas shoulder. Brushing some hair out of her face, Mana dodged the thrown dagger. However, the grown arm on her shoulder caught the dagger in the air and pierced with it Mana.

[Dagā nage]

Ignoring the dagger and pain, Mana ran towards Howai. You could see that she wouldn't say any word anymore when she carried her katana very high. After hitting each other, both women leaped back and scowled at each other.

[grazing UT]
[UT]



STATS TRACKER:
3 TECHNIQUES | 0 PASSIVES | 0 ACTIVES:
DAMAGE TRACKER:
TECHNIQUE COOLDOWNS:
NPC TRACKER 1:
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Tue Dec 19, 2017 6:30 am
Alice B. Ronx uses HT [Ferrum Forticus] on Kyor
Alice B. Ronx uses LT [Aestus Wind] on Kyor
Alice B. Ronx uses UT on Kyor

Commander Kyor uses MT [Pulverising Swing] on Ronx
Commander Kyor uses LT [Dragoon Claw] on Ronx
Commander Kyor uses LT [Cosmos Shot] on Ronx
Commander Kyor uses UT on Ronx
NPC
NPC
NPC
Tracker

Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1279

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Tue Dec 19, 2017 6:30 am
The member 'Baltroy' has done the following action : Dices roll


#1 'Reflex Check' : 4, 19, 2

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 17, 16, 4, 15
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Fri Dec 22, 2017 1:34 am






Don't cause a scene~!





Ronx rapidly patted his clothes, searching for new wounds with trepidation. He winced when he came to his stomach, realising the marine commander’s focused attacks were beginning to take their toll. He glanced over at his head cook, appearing worried for her wellbeing and even contemplating going to aid her when a downward strike came from above.

[10,000 kilo: Cosmos Shot]

Sensing the attack, Ronx ducked to the side and Kyor tumbled to the ground, his arm appearing to gleam with an almost cosmic effect. Having missed it’s mark, the colour began to gradually melt back into his arm. Tiny clusters of darts still clung to his clothes and skin, and his paralysed arm still hung uselessly to his side, but the sheer determination in the marine’s eyes made up for any hindrances the revolutionary’s poison had inflicted. Ronx raised both his hands, as though to ward off the apoplectic marine, but he suddenly found himself falling backwards towards the ground as Kyor hooked a kick behind his knees. He raised his able arm once more and Ronx’s eyes widened, but he was too slow to dodge.

[50,000 kilo: Pulverising Swing]

Kyor’s swung his fist and struck down heavily, connecting with a boom to Ronx’s face. The blow was powerful, enough to create a crater with the smaller man’s body. Dust and broken cement flew up, blinding the blonde revolutionary as stars spun in his eyes. Groaning, Ronx grasped around him for handles to aid him as he struggled to his feet and he stumbled away from the hole.

“What’s wrong?” snarled Kyor, his voice husky with a mixture of anger and pain. His ruby-coloured eyes flashed as he kept them trained on his opponent, ignoring the persistent pieces of darts clinging to his body.

Ronx grumbled unhappily, swiping a hand over his cheeks before shifting his jaw from side to side and wincing painfully as he did so. He turned his head to the side and spat out a loose tooth. “Ew…” he muttered with a grimace before turning back, his eyes widening when he saw that the marine was already charging at him with yet another attack.

[Aestus Wind]
[UT: Ronx]


Panicking, the young revolutionary threw his hands up, releasing a wave of darts as he did so. Taking full damage from the attack, Kyor reeled backwards with a muffled howl, his chest festooned with a new layer of tiny spikes. Taking advantage of the brief opening, Ronx flew forward and thrust his palm under the marine’s chin, knocking his head backwards with a skull-rattling strike.

[UT: Kyor]

Falling backwards with the strike, Kyor swung his hands over his head to break his fall before sweeping both his feet up. As he cartwheeled, his heavy combat boots struck Ronx directly in the throat and he landed lightly back on his feet with his fist raised and ready.

[20,000 kilo: Dragoon Claw]

Kyor’s hand then flared open, his fingers rigid and curled like talons. While Ronx stumbled backwards, still attempting to recover from the previous attack, Kyor raked his hand across his rival’s chest, leaving distinct claw marks and the front of the revolutionary’s expensive dress shirt in tatters. Blood immediately blossomed and spurted from the wound, finishing off what little grandeur the shirt had left, while more blood bubbled at Ronx’s lips.

[Ferrum Forticus]

His amber eyes glazed over briefly with the pain, but immediately hardened into a grimace and he stamped one foot forward as he lifted a hand. He began gathering his darts in the air around him and within seconds, he had five medium-sized lances staring directly back at Kyor. The tiny darts pulsated with spinning energy and he flung his hand forward. One lance sprang forward, followed by the next until all five were charging at the marine from different directions.

Kyor narrowed his eyes, gripping his useless arm to his side before leaping and tumbling out of the way. The lances exploded into a million tiny darts upon impact, but the marine skirted away from them all. Panting, he lifted his crimson irises up to meet Ronx’s amber ones. The hand he held protectively to his chest suddenly twitched with activity and Kyor glanced cooly down. He watched as it spasmed for several moments before becoming still. Slowly, he clenched his hand into a fist before releasing it and clenching it again. A smirk spread across his lips and he raised his fist up, as though to challenge Ronx once more, this time without the effects of the poison hindering his movements.  

STATS TRACKER:
2 TECHNIQUES USED |  1 PASSIVES USED | 2 ACTIVES USED:
DAMAGE TRACKER:
TECHNIQUE COOLDOWNS:
NPC TRACKER 1:




cait at btn






Last edited by Baltroy on Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:25 pm; edited 1 time in total
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Sat Dec 23, 2017 5:34 am
Howai uses AOE [Mil Fleurs: cling] on Lieutenant Mana and Commander Kyor
Howai uses UT on Lieutenant Mana

Lieutenant Mana uses MT [Shooting Slash] on Howai
Lieutenant Mana uses LT [Flash Cannon] on Howai
Lieutenant Mana uses LT [Whirlpool] on Howai
Lieutenant Mana uses UT on Howai
NPC
NPC
NPC
Tracker

Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1279

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Sat Dec 23, 2017 5:34 am
The member 'Howai' has done the following action : Dices roll


#1 'Reflex Check' : 3, 17

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 19, 20, 2, 4
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Thu Dec 28, 2017 7:02 pm
Revolutionary Mayhem
Episode
Tanaka Howai
A cute girl, who has a propensity for pickpocketing

Howai was nearly at the end of her strength, but she saw that Kyor wasn't in a good form, too. She would keep the fight going until Alice could help her. Maybe she could help him, but didn't know how, yet.  Mana started to walk slowly in the direction of her opponent. "You stand in my way. You know that you are too weak to beat me. So do yourself a favor and get lost!" shouted Mana and tried to stab Howai, but the small woman turned away, in the course of which she grabbed Manas wrist and smacked her in the face with her elbow.

[missed UT]
[UT]

Blood ran out of Mana's nose. She started to spin around again with the katana in her hand. Knowing that attack, Howai instantly jumped back to avoid the sword. "Not this time" muttered Howai. The lieutenant stopped spinning as quick as she started it.

[missed LT: Whirlpool]

A smile appeared on her face, which put Howai out of countenance. "What?" asked Howai surprised. "Why are you smiling?"
Without saying any word she dashed forward and reached Howai so fast the revolutionary couldn't follow with her eyes. The upcoming katana slit open her arm at the same point like last time.

[MT: Shooting Slash]

"Let us finish this farce!" said Mana annoyed, while she dashed forward again. Instead of slicing her again, the marine used the handle to thrust. The impact pushed Howai some meters away.

[LT: Flash Cannon]

When she stopped moving, the green haired woman sank on her knees and coughed up blood. Everything went black and the outline of Mana became blurred more and more until Howai closed her eyes finally and hit her head on the ground. Mana gave a sigh of relief as she saw how things looked bad for her opponent. But the fight wasn't over, yet. Her commander was in a similar hopeless situation like Howai. Without thinking twice the lieutenant set off to support Kyor. At this moment he raised his fist up and a few seconds later stood Mana next to his side.

Meanwhile, Howai got back slowly on her feet again. She had a severely cut up body and felt sick. However, she couldn't let down Alice. She looked over to the other fight and saw that Mana and Kyor stood side by side. If she would attack now, she could help Alice, too!
"Mil Fleur" whispered Howai and thousand of arms grew on the ground around the two marines. The huge number of limbs required strength everything went black again for a short time. The arms tried to grab the ankles or legs of Kyor and Mana but failed miserably. Howai just didn't have enough strength to concentrate better and nearly all arms hit nothing.

["missed" Mil Fleurs: cling]

The young revolutionary hoped nonetheless, that it would be enough to make it easier for Alice.
"I'm glad that you are here, Mana," said Kyor relieved, his crimson eyes still sharp. "But why did you bring these arms with you?"




STATS TRACKER:
1 TECHNIQUES |  0 PASSIVES | 0 ACTIVES:
DAMAGE TRACKER:
TECHNIQUE COOLDOWNS:
NPC TRACKER 2:



Last edited by Howai on Mon Jan 01, 2018 7:27 am; edited 1 time in total
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Thu Dec 28, 2017 10:59 pm
Alice B. Ronx uses MT [Aethera Telis] on Kyor/Mana
Alice B. Ronx uses LT [Volanti Crux] on Kyor/Mana
Alice B. Ronx uses LT [Invisus Glans] on Kyor/Mana
Alice B. Ronx uses UT on Kyor
Alice B. Ronx uses UT on Mana

Commander Kyor uses MT [60,000 kilo: Cannon Fling] on Ronx
Commander Kyor uses LT [20,000 kilo: Cosmos Shot] on Ronx
Commander Kyor uses LT [15,000 kilo: Double Sting] on Ronx
Commander Kyor uses UT on Ronx

~~
Note: On the off chance I manage to finish off Kyor before finishing my combo, I'll pass off the rest onto Mana. Whatever I use against her, she will match using the following roll.

Lieutenant Mana uses MT [Crimson Cross] on Ronx
Lieutenant Mana uses LT [Flight Edge] on Ronx

Lieutenant Mana uses LT [Starlight Dash] on Ronx
Lieutenant Mana uses UT on Ronx


Last edited by Baltroy on Sat Dec 30, 2017 5:55 am; edited 1 time in total
NPC
NPC
NPC
Tracker

Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1279

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Thu Dec 28, 2017 10:59 pm
The member 'Baltroy' has done the following action : Dices roll


#1 'Reflex Check' : 15, 9, 13, 12, 15

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 7, 12, 9, 17

--------------------------------

#3 'Reflex Check' : 4, 20, 8, 16
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Jan 01, 2018 6:30 am






Don't cause a scene~!





Kyor coughed, winced and placed a hand on his stomach, where the darts embedding his marine clothes were finally starting to fall away. He didn’t have much energy left and Ronx could see it, but he knew letting his guard down now would only turn the tables back onto him. The revolutionary hesitated. Despite having regained his composure, the words used to provoke him earlier still rang in his mind, gradually getting louder and louder. His instincts told him he needed to extract whatever information Kyor held even if it amounted to force, but his heart disagreed. His history with the commander before they had realised each other’s identities as sworn enemies was still untouched by the darkness of his past and he wished for it to remain that way. But the more his thoughts lingered, the more the darkness dragged his mind into the swamp of devastation and destruction. His body grew heavy and sluggish with indecision impeding his mind.

Suddenly, a wave of fleshy arms rose from the ground, dragging Ronx away from his bitter memories. He glanced up, watching as they reached to grab the two marine officers who succeeded in avoiding the brunt of them. Nevertheless, the fingers still scrambled to grab them, hindering their movements. Ronx blinked and shook his head with relief; it was almost as though Howai had chased away his darkness. He glanced at her and moved to her side, touching her shoulder gently. She was heavily injured and tired. In comparison, Ronx had sustained few injuries and he felt a wave of guilt wash over him.

“It’s time for this to end,” he muttered and turned his amber eyes back to Kyor. There was a hint of sadness, but his hesitation had been washed away. “Thank you, Howai.”

Although it might have seemed he was thanking his comrade for her assistance in the fight, only he knew there was a deeper meaning. He had almost lost himself to the darkness again; almost lost himself to “Alice’s” rage. Ronx smiled bitterly, perhaps realising for the first time how important his friends were. Kyor had commented at his surprise to see Ronx with companions; his surprise wasn’t unjustified. Yes, comrades and friends were new to Ronx, but the Bonbon X he had brought together was beginning to take form as his greatest treasure.

[Aethera Telis]

Ronx threw a hand up, a shadow in the shape of a ball leaving his hand and leaping into the air. Kyor followed its movements with his eyes, unable to identify the object until it reached its apex. The object was a ball of darts, packed together so tightly it almost appeared to be something solid, until it burst into a shower of the slim projectiles, creating a downpour upon the marine commander, who pushed Mana out of way.

[Volanti Crux]

Without wasting a second, Ronx drew up both his hands into a cross, shooting out a dart from each. The darts were so thin and swift that they appeared invisible, striking the commander again in the centre of his chest. Only the pained grunt indicated that he had been hit at all and he fell to his knees, the final dredges of his energy ebbing away.

“Damn...it…” whispered Kyor, falling onto his side, the distinct shape of a cross left from Ronx’s attack glowing red with blood embedded on his chest.

Ronx released a sigh of relief and stumbled over to the commander’s fallen body. He knelt down and pressed two fingers to his throat, checking that his pulse still remained. “Good, he’s alive,” said Ronx with an impish grin before patting the marine’s pockets rapidly. He then pulled out a pair of silver cuff and his grin widened. “This should come in handy!”

[Starlight Dash]

“Get away from the commander, you bastard!” shouted the red-haired woman, swinging her gleaming blade down at the revolutionary.

“Oops,” Ronx abruptly tilted his body to the left, avoiding the slash and turning his head to face her. “Ah, you’re the one who’s giving my head cook so much trouble!”

[Invisus Glans]

He flung a series of darts at the woman without getting up and she shrieked as the projectiles racked across her body. Making the best use of her momentary distraction, Ronx quickly snapped the handcuffs around the unconscious marine’s wrists before standing up and brushing his mantle.

[UT: Mana]
[UT: Ronx]

Recovering from the attack, Mana leapt forward again, making a desperate cut at Ronx’s arm and drawing blood. Stepping back with surprise, Ronx kicked out a foot to trip the woman. Gasping, she tumbled to the ground, almost landing on her commander but she quickly leapt back to her feet with her sword held up and ready. Ronx paused, staring at the tip of the blade pointing at him with fascination. Despite her compromising position now with two against one, her sword didn’t waver and her brown eyes were blazing with stubborn determination.

“I am not going to make this easy for you,” she snarled, baring her pearly white teeth menacingly. “And I won’t let you take the commander either!”

Ronx took a step back to stand next to Howai once more. He glanced down at her furtively. “Isn’t she kind of scary?”

STATS TRACKER:
3 TECHNIQUES USED |  1 PASSIVES USED | 2 ACTIVES USED:
DAMAGE TRACKER:
TECHNIQUE COOLDOWNS:
NPC TRACKER 2:



cait at btn



Last edited by Baltroy on Thu Jan 18, 2018 1:28 am; edited 3 times in total
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Jan 01, 2018 8:04 am
Howai uses LT [Dos Fleur: cling] on Lieutenant Mana
Howai uses LT [Pierna Fleur: kick] on Lieutenant Mana
Howai uses UT on Lieutenant Mana

Lieutenant Mana uses LT [Flight Edge] on Howai
Lieutenant Mana uses LT [Sword Dance] on Howai
Lieutenant Mana uses UT on Howai
NPC
NPC
NPC
Tracker

Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1279

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Jan 01, 2018 8:04 am
The member 'Howai' has done the following action : Dices roll


#1 'Reflex Check' : 6, 9, 3

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 12, 4, 15
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Wed Jan 10, 2018 4:51 pm
Revolutionary Mayhem
Episode
Tanaka Howai
A cute girl, who has a propensity for pickpocketing


Seeing that Kyor got knocked out, gave Howai hope. Maybe she couldn't fight anymore. Maybe she lost the fight against Mana. Maybe she wasn't the best head cook for the Bonbon X (Naah, just kidding, she is the best). But all of this didn't count at that moment. Alice was in top form and by far a lot stronger than her and Mana. He shouldn't have any Problems and Howai would support him until the end.
Suddenly Alice appeared next to her. „Isn't she kind of scary?“ whispered he. Her whole body hurt, but in spite of that, Howai started to giggle. Even in that situation, Alice managed it to cheer her up. At that moment she realized how happy she was to be in this crew and with this captain.
„What's so funny?“ The uncertain look of Mana made Howai laugh even more.
Being beside herself with rage, she rushed at the direction of the revolutionaries. Howai jumped aside, but she couldn't get away. Her condition wasn't the best and Mana was too focused on her. An evade was nearly impossible and that's how she got thrown away by the down-coming katana.

[LT Flight Edge]

Howai straightened up and had a look at her captain and then back to Mana.
„How about that? Have fun by your hopeless fight against my powerful captain and I will just watch, ok? Fine.“ she tilted her head to one side and started to grin broadly. „How about that?“ aped Mana „At first I beat you and then your oh-so-cool captain.“
In the meantime, she shortened the distance between the two women. Like the two times before, she didn't walk anymore. It was more like a dance. With full force, a leg out of the ground kicked her in the back of the knee „You shouldn't use the same attacks every time.“

[missed LT Sword Dance]
[Pierna Fleur: kick]

Back on her feet, Mana took a deep breath. After Alice interfered in the fight between the women Mana showed some signs of an exhaust. „Maybe I'm weak, but I won't make it easy for you!“
With those words, Howai grew two arms on the ground holding her opponents ankle tight. Rooting her feet to the floor was also sapping her energy.
„LET ME GO!“ shouted Mana and tried to escape by cutting off the sprouted limbs. In the last seconds, Howai spirited an arm away and grew another one to hold Manas ankle.

[Dos Fleur: cling] + [UT]
[UT]

The next move depended on Alice...



STATS TRACKER:
2 TECHNIQUES | 1 PASSIVES | 0 ACTIVES:
DAMAGE TRACKER:
TECHNIQUE COOLDOWNS:
NPC TRACKER 1:


Last edited by Howai on Thu Jan 11, 2018 12:50 pm; edited 2 times in total
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:59 pm
Alice B. Ronx uses AoE [Noctis Spica] on Mana
Alice B. Ronx uses UT on Mana

Lieutenant Mana uses MT [Crimson Cross] on Ronx
Lieutenant Mana uses LT [Flight Edge] on Ronx
Lieutenant Mana uses LT [Flash Cannon] on Ronx
Lieutenant Mana uses UT on Ronx
NPC
NPC
NPC
Tracker

Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1279

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:59 pm
The member 'Baltroy' has done the following action : Dices roll


#1 'Reflex Check' : 1, 18

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 8, 7, 10, 10
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Thu Jan 18, 2018 1:27 am





Don't cause a scene~!



Ronx glanced across at Kyor, to ensure he was still where he had left him. Content, the revolutionary turned his attention back to the red-haired woman, her face pale with the exertion of the battle. He stepped forward and touched his cook’s shoulder.
“You’ve done well, Howai. Now leave the rest to me,” he said firmly.

The female marine’s eyes flashed wildly. “Fine, it makes no difference who it is I cut down first,” she snarled, before leaping forward. She wrenched herself free from Howai’s sprouted hands, but their hold was still effective to some degree, slowing her movements.

[Crimson Cross]

The blonde revolutionary sidestepped the attack, pushing Howai to the side as he did so. Mana swept past him, having missed her mark, but she quickly pulled herself upright and thrust her blade behind her.

[UT: Mana]

The tip sank into Ronx’s shoulder and he grunted in pain as he pulled himself free. A red stream trickled down the length of his arm, dripping slowly from his fingers. Ronx assessed the damage calmly before turning his eyes back to the female marine. “Won’t you retreat before this gets out of hand?”

“And leave my commander?” demanded Mana and without waiting for an answer, she screamed. “Never!!” She charged forward once more, her form disappearing into a shadow of a flash with the speed she moved at. She swung her blade downwards on Ronx, aimed to cut him across his face.

[Flight Edge]

Ronx sidestepped again, leading her further and further away from Howai. “You have my respect for standing beside him, but I won’t go easy on you,” he warned.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” she grinned. "We're both injured from our previous fights so I see no reason to hold back on account of our wounds."

Ronx paused at the grin before returning it boldly. He struck forward, throwing a wave of darts at the woman.

[UT: Ronx]

Suddenly Ronx felt a movement behind him and he threw himself to the side. Unsure of where or whom the attack had come from, he was too slow to retaliate, but when he straightened, he saw it was one of the marine grunts who had been guarding the revolutionaries’ escape.

“Lieutenant Mana, let us help!” he declared, lifting his rifle.

Ronx glanced behind him, noticing the remaining marines also had their weapons trained on him. Mana, still reeling from the revolutionary’s previous attack, struggled to straighten.

“No, stop!” she shouted. “They’re too dangerous! Stand down, men!”

“But we can’t stand around doing nothing as they take our commander, lieutenant,” protested the officer, his eyes unwavering. “We’ll back you up!”

The marine’s rifle went off with a resounding bang. Ronx dodge the bullet with ease before bringing his hands up, sending a multitude of darts into the air. The officer’s eyes widened, tracking the darts into the air. A black cloud loomed over their heads, blacker than even the night sky and the light from the streetlamp wavered.

[Noctis Spica]

“Run!” screamed Mana as a torrent of darts came falling from the cloud, lashing at those below like a typhoon. She ducked under a piece of fallen rubble, only sustaining minimal damage from the storm. Her subordinates were less fortunate, dropping one by one as they were struck by the falling darts. Some had managed to find cover, but the officer who had shot at Ronx was struck down too quickly to do the same. When the storm was over, Mana charged from her shelter screaming, striking the revolutionary with her katana.

[Flash Cannon]

Ronx leapt out of the way and she missed again. The marines lay groaning in his attack’s wake and Mana fell to her knees beside the officer who had stood beside her earlier. He was unconscious and bleeding profusely. Mana’s shoulders trembled and she stood up again, turning her shimmering eyes back to Ronx.

“How dare you,” she shouted. She jabbed her sword into the air, pointing at the blonde revolutionary. “I’ll take you down at whatever it costs, Flying Dart!”

STATS TRACKER:
1 TECHNIQUES USED |  1 PASSIVES USED | 2 ACTIVES USED:
DAMAGE TRACKER:
TECHNIQUE COOLDOWNS:
NPC TRACKER 2:



cait at btn

Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Sat Jul 27, 2019 6:10 am
Revolutionary Mayhem
Episode
Tanaka Howai
A cute girl, who has a propensity for pickpocketing

With a sense of relief, Howai watched as Alice brought the fight farther away. Just to ensure their safety. When she looked around, she realized for the first time the true extent of the fight: destroyed roads and broken walls. Luckily, it seemed like nobody was home there ... for a long time. She didn't even know how they got to this area. Everything was blurry in her head and the sleep wanted to overwhelm her. For some seconds she closed her eyes and listened to the environment.
In one direction she heard the fighting noises between Mana and her new Captain.  Besides that, there were loud steps to hear from the other side, which come closer every second. Opening her eyes, her mind became sharp again.
At a distance, she saw more soldiers engaging in battle. In her current physical condition,
she couldn't front them. With the help of her devil fruit power, she moved to a better, higher place. On one wall of the house, she let several arms grow and climbed it up. Once at the top she had a better view of the ongoing fight.
"The commander needs us" she heard a voice below her. She turned to the soldier. With hurried steps, they rushed down the alley toward the fierce combat. Howai moved closer to the edge of the roof to follow the troops with their eyes. Just as the troops passed under her, the revolutionary made 100 arms grow among them. The green-haired woman would not let any of them through.

[Cien Fleurs: field]

Half the people got slapped, the other looked a bit scared or confused. „A devil fruit user!“ shouted one of them and looked around. With a hasty jump backward, she escaped any glance.
„Alone we have no chance against one of them“ murmured one soldier. „We should come back with reinforcement.” They disappeared as fast as they came.
Howai grinned and suddenly had to start coughing. Blood ran from her nose. The fight had hit her harder than she thought. She lay down and enjoyed the moment of rest. From a distance, she heard the battle sounds between Alice and Mana. However, she had no choice but to wait ...



STATS TRACKER:
1 TECHNIQUES | 1 PASSIVES | 0 ACTIVES:
DAMAGE TRACKER:
TECHNIQUE COOLDOWNS:
NPC TRACKER 1:
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Sun Jul 28, 2019 12:36 pm
Alice B. Ronx uses MT [Debilito Dart: Autumn] on Mana
Alice B. Ronx uses LT [Preying Aquilam] on Mana
Alice B. Ronx uses LT [Aestus Wind] on Mana
Alice B. Ronx uses UT on Mana

Lieutenant Mana uses MT [Crescent Cut] on Ronx
Lieutenant Mana uses LT [Sword Dance] on Ronx
Lieutenant Mana uses LT [Flash Cannon] on Ronx
Lieutenant Mana uses UT on Ronx
NPC
NPC
NPC
Tracker

Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1279

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Sun Jul 28, 2019 12:36 pm
The member 'Baltroy' has done the following action : Dices roll


#1 'Reflex Check' : 4, 20, 13, 7

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 2, 19, 3, 8
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Wed Jul 31, 2019 6:59 am






Don't cause a scene~!





“I’ll take you down at whatever it costs, Flying Dart!”

[Crescent Cut]

Gripping her sabre, Mana swung high and brought the blade down. Her movements were graceful, cutting the air soundlessly, but the battle was taking a heavy toll on her and it only took the smallest error in her footwork for Ronx to slide himself out of harm’s way.

[UT: Mana]

She recovered quickly, digging her heels into the concrete to prevent herself from staggering and immediately swung her blade around to cut the blonde revolutionary. He ducked, but the edge caught his forearm before he could get away.

It’s too one-sided… A fleeting thought crossed his mind and he hesitated to execute the darts he held at his fingertips. Yet the longer he drew the battle out, the more frustration Mana kindled. Screaming, she thrust her sabre forward.

[Flash Cannon]

A sharp blast of air pressure shot from the tip of her weapon and it was only out of sheer luck did Ronx manage to throw his body out of the way in time. He landed painfully on his elbow, jolting every open wound he had sustained in his past battle with Kyor.

Groaning, he pulled himself together, agonisingly aware of his every movement, every drop of energy he exerted. How is she still standing?! Her condition was so much worse off than his own and she was sprinting around, flinging her sabre at him like her life depended on it. Ronx couldn’t help being impressed despite himself; Howai had more than her day’s work cut out for her.

The sound of pounding footsteps snapped him out of his reverie and he rolled out of the way, flinging a pair of darts at the rampant woman before she could formulate her next move.

[UT: Ronx]

The darts carved across her cheek and she flinched, giving Ronx the time he needed to get painstakingly back onto his feet. Noooo, I want to go home… He staggered, pulling his mantle pathetically around his body, thinking briefly whether or not he could just pull it over his head and hide. Just maybe it would work...

Mana narrowed her eyes, her breath coming out in laboured gasps. “So you want to dance?” she hissed.

“No, I want you to surrender peacefully,” pleaded Ronx, trying and failing to sound firm. “We’re both heavily injured. Wouldn’t a rematch on another day be more appealing to you?”

“I know you’re planning on taking the commander with you!” she shrieked hysterically in response. Her eyes were dull, as though she were already half unconscious.

“I’m very impressed with your willpower,” said Ronx with feeling, but he knew it wasn’t reaching her.

She was like a bull, charging with only one thought in mind: to rescue her commander. It seemed as though she was prepared to lay her life down if it was only to carry out this one mission. Ronx wouldn’t let her.

[Aestus Wind]

He flung a wave of his tiny projectiles at her, so many of the clustered artilleries gathering to produce a tangible and lethally cutting wind. The marine lieutenant was too tired to dodge and instead took the full brunt of the attack head-on. Ronx hadn’t expected that; he’d been sure she would at least attempt to block.

The wind flew past her body, throwing her fiery hair back and leaving a crimson downpour of blood across her body. Her head was slumped, but with her shoulders still fiercely squared, there was a deadly aura bubbling all around her frame.

Slowly, she lifted her chin and Ronx gulped. Suddenly, she glared at him and an explosive aura awakened, nearly blowing Ronx away.

“Sword...Dance!!”

With such a fierce battle cry, Mana launched herself forward in one explosive, yet fluent move. Her blade carved beautiful, bloody arches in the air and so captivated was the young revolutionary, that he didn’t even register the danger he was in until the sabre was upon him.

Ronx ran, trying to avoid the hurricane of attacks, but he couldn’t pull himself away without sustaining lacerations across his body. She’s going to kill me!

[Debilito Dart: Autumn]

Desperately, he flung a single dart, aiming for the tiny opening between Mana’s flurry of blades. It pierced her chest and the fast-acting poison arrested her movements almost instantaneously. She trembled, her sabre frozen mid-swing and then she gasped suddenly, before falling to her knees.

Ronx couldn’t believe it was over. He stood silent and unmoving for a moment, simply staring at Mana’s still body before he could even dare to approach her. With a shaky hand, he checked her pulse, heaving a sigh of relief to find she was still alive. Not well, far from it, but all that mattered was the world hadn’t lost a talented individual today.

“Alice!”

Ronx lifted his head, seeing his crew mates rushing to him. He was relieved to see Howai with them, her wounds appearing to have been tended to by Cherry.

“Alice!” Cherry cried again, seeing the full extent of his wounds.

“I’m fine for now,” Ronx croaked out, gesturing to Mana. “Cherry, please give her some first aid. Be quick, I want to be gone before she wakes up.” To Becker, he gestured to Kyor. “Get him into a dungeon. Brief Freya and Friday.”

He tried to straighten and fell. Fable and Antoinette were immediately at his side, catching him. “Thanks,” he said gratefully.

“You can properly give your captain orders later,” said Antoinette sternly. Even though her tone was still haughty, when she touched his cheek, there was a maternal gentleness.

“Later,” Ronx agreed, flashing a weak, but cheeky grin.

She rolled her eyes and Fable carefully lifted him into his arms.

“What do we do about the marine woman?” asked Oliver, who was helping Cherry bandage up Mana.

“Just leave her,” ordered Becker, seeing Ronx already drifting away. “Ronx only said we needed the commander.”

Ronx was tired, the extremity of his wounds finally catching up. He could finally relax and leave the rest to his very capable crew. All in all, he thought vaguely as he closed his eyes. Today wasn’t a bad day. He did have a new crew member, after all. And she could cook! Wait...did she ever say she was a good cook?



STATS TRACKER:
2 TECHNIQUES USED |  1 PASSIVES USED | 2 ACTIVES USED:
DAMAGE TRACKER:
TECHNIQUE COOLDOWNS:
NPC TRACKER 2:



cait at btn




Gray
Gray
The Conqueror / Black Fist
[tracker=/t131-tracker-gray-starks#504]
Name : Gray
Epithet : "The Conqueror"; "Black Fist"
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" (310 cm)
Weight : 1043 lbs (473 kg)
Species : Cyborg Human
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Bounty : [ber=r] 5,000,000,000
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.20
Shop Discount : -30%
Balance : [bel] 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[childofdestiny]][[freakofnature]]
[[punchoutguru]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]

[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 3844

[Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] Revolutionary Mayhem

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Aug 05, 2019 6:53 pm

GRADING


COMMENTS
Great job finishing a long-running episode and welcoming Howai into Bonbon X! This quest, being as long as it was, took me a while to grade, but I've got some comments that will hopefully have made the wait worth it.
The comments below are to be taken with a grain of salt, as there will always be a grader's bias. That being said, I'm still confident in my abilities as an objective assessor, so I'd recommend not to ignore my comments entirely.


For Alice

  • Show, don't tell: Many writers (including myself) fall for the classic trap of "explaining" things as if we were providing definitions for them, as opposed to describing them as your character sees them. While this is fine in certain scenarios, you fell victim to this trap a few times through the thread.
  • Is it Aghas or Aghast? XD
  • I noticed occasional insignificant plot holes in some of your posts. (e.g. How did Ronx know Howai's full name?)
  • Loved that moment when Ronx introduced himself to and shook one of Howai's Hana Hana hands.
  • When you were leaving the Hatch, a bit of godmodding seemed to be present when you interacted with Howai and led her out.



For Howai

  • In some of your earlier posts in this thread, it seemed more like you were dictating your actions as if it were a movie script. When writing as Howai, try to live in that world and describe what you would see if you were her.
  • I realize that there is a language barrier here, but the wording/grammar can be quite difficult to understand sometimes.
  • I would've liked to see a bit more development (conflict or just reflection) before Howai requested Alice to recruit her. And if Howai is the type of person that would make a big decision like that so easily, then this could've been explained better with the use of subtext in her other actions.
  • The moment where Howai jumped out of the inn with Alice was godmodding. You should give the person you're roleplaying with a chance to react to situations you create instead of reacting for them.
  • After escaping with Alice from the inn, you made it seem like Howai was being mistreated at the inn. This would've been more convincing if you had shown some evidence of this mistreatment before the escape. Aghas' behaviour seemed like tough love more than anything.
  • I noticed many other inconsistencies with the way you detailed characters and environments. It might help your future posts if you keep some OOC notes about what your intentions are with certain characters.



For both

  • Godmodding each other's characters is not a huge deal here because you're crew mates - especially if you agreed on what would happen in your posts beforehand. It's just something you shouldn't make a habit of, lest you accidentally do it to players during an IC conflict. My preference is that players favour shorter posts over controlling other players' characters in their own posts to progress the story. I realize that this would bloat the post count, so it should, of course, be done with some moderation. Two lines a post and then waiting a week for the other player to respond would be far more boring and frustrating.

  • When in combat, you should engage your surroundings more in your writing. You did well describing what the fighting was doing to the combatants, but details of how the environment was being affected were scarce. This also applies to all those marine grunts who could've uselessly been attempting to assist their officers.

  • I realize that the ending was rushed since the post count was high and it had been two years since the thread started, but I still would've liked to see a more thorough conclusion to the first meeting of Howai and Alice.





REWARDS
(No length bonus was applied since your posts added up to 25, which is less than 10 higher than an episode's 18-post requirement. Combat mini-posts and NPC dice roll posts are not counted.)

Alice B. Ronx
Difficulty Bonus: +0% (0)
Quality Bonus: +50% (A)

EXP: +75 [50 + (0%*50) + (50%*50)] You've leveled up! Let me know how you'd like to distribute your +20 stat points.
Berries: +6,300,000 [75k*56 + 0%(75k*56) + 50%(75k*56)]
Bounty: +25,000,000 | {Resisted arrest, assaulted navy officials, and kidnapped a marine captain.}


Tanaka Howai
Difficulty Bonus: +0% (0)
Quality Bonus: -15% (D)

EXP: +43 [50 + (0%*50) + (-15%*50)]
Berries: +2,550,000 [75k*40 + 0%(75k*40) - 15%(75k*40)]
Bounty: +20,000,000 | {Aided and abetted a wanted criminal and assaulted a navy officer.}


Back to top
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Join Revival Dawn on Discord