Revival Dawn - One Piece RP
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Happy belated Halloween, folks! As is tradition on Revival Dawn, we have a Halloween Event going currently. This time, we even have a theme! The participation rewards for this event are substantial, so don't miss this opportunity to write a spooky story!
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"Hard pass."


MODS
"Buzz off."
"Give me more, I'll do it all."
"I can help you if you hold my bottle."
"I read the whole combat guide."
"I'm scared."
"I'm here to give you a makeover."

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Kouen Miyamoto
Tracker

Name : Kouen Miyamoto
Epithet : Blue Brat
Age : 20
Height : 5'9"
Weight : 73 kg
Species : Human
Faction : World Government
Crew : Marines
Crew Position : Captain
Devil Fruit : Kiri Kiri no Mi
Haki Level : 4
Hitpoints (HP) : 230
Attack (ATK) : 255
Defense (DEF) : 255
Reflex (RX) : 260
Willpower (WP) : 260
Level : 41
Experience Points : 4113
Berries Berries : 9,100,000
[[untouchable]]
Posts : 148
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Coming Home [Episode - Solo] - Page 2 Empty Re: Coming Home [Episode - Solo]

on Thu Oct 19, 2017 7:28 am
”Hmm? what do you want?”


Ryuji had soon enough woken up to a familiar environment which is his bedroom on his ship, he was currently out of his uniform and only in black short pants, with a majority of his body currently being wrapped in bandages, Ryuji tried to move but it felt like a struggle for him, forcing him to collapse back onto the bed. The thoughts of what happened at the island had started to haunt him, he seriously regretted running away like that, it's usually in his nature to try and finish off a fight but he knew that if he continued the way he was going, he could've actually died, and he couldn't die on his home island like that especially if he wanted to rescue his tribe. Soon enough, Ryuji heard the door open, he looked quickly towards the door to find his mentor, Captain Kuro entering through the doorway, he closed the door behind him and brought the closest chair to him near Ryuji's bed, sitting on the chair.

He was silent for a few seconds, until he finally spoke up, saying to Ryuji "So... mind telling me what happened? you have the whole battalion shocked when we saw our commander bruised up like that... " silence soon fell upon them, Ryuji decided to continue the conversation saying "Well... it turns out my home island is taken over by pirates, true members of the long-legged tribe... the captain, I'm assuming is insanely strong. He took most of my hits relatively well and each kick he gave against me, I swear he broke something each time." Kuro nodded, saying "Indeed... the doctor said some of your bones were damaged, so whoever ruffled you up like that... he must be strong."

Kuro clenched his fist together, but held it back and said "As much as I'd like to send a detachment to try and re-take that island, I'm assuming our efforts will be futile... if he managed to injure you like this, I doubt we could do much against him... I'm sorry Ryuji." Ryuji started to get a bit emotional, saying "No... it's my fault, I should've been strong enough... I should be stronger then this, I couldn't do it and I couldn't save my tribe from the pirates subjugation..." Kuro shaked his head in disagreement, "You did the best you could, you did the right thing to run away and live another day, when you do get stronger I'm sure you'll pound him into the dust when you return... I'll get out of your hair, you need the rest." Kuro stood up from the chair, ending it abruptly like that didn't really help Ryuji's mindset, but he still took the advice, as soon as Kuro left the room, closing the door behind him Ryuji started to sink back into his bed, drifting into sleep.

Kouen Miyamoto
Tracker

Name : Kouen Miyamoto
Epithet : Blue Brat
Age : 20
Height : 5'9"
Weight : 73 kg
Species : Human
Faction : World Government
Crew : Marines
Crew Position : Captain
Devil Fruit : Kiri Kiri no Mi
Haki Level : 4
Hitpoints (HP) : 230
Attack (ATK) : 255
Defense (DEF) : 255
Reflex (RX) : 260
Willpower (WP) : 260
Level : 41
Experience Points : 4113
Berries Berries : 9,100,000
[[untouchable]]
Posts : 148
View user profile

Coming Home [Episode - Solo] - Page 2 Empty Re: Coming Home [Episode - Solo]

on Wed Dec 27, 2017 12:59 am
”Hmm? what do you want?”


A few days had passed, with a lot of thoughts of Ryuji's island starting to eat away at him, seriously regretting his cowardice at Dorian. Despite the numerous attempts of re-assurances by Captain Kuro, with most of them saying "You did what was right, you had no choice but to run." blah blah, it still didn't ease Ryuji at all. He saw it as a case of incompetence on his part, he failed his tribe no matter how much he tried to sugarcoat it. A slight attitude had grown with him because of this, and it's noticeable as he started to address and treat his soldiers more roughly. Of course, Captain Kuro picked up on this and decided to have a talk with Ryuji.

Ryuji was currently sitting at his desk on the marine warship, an entire room dedicated to his paperwork which he usually hates, but it's been a nice distraction for him to drift away from the heavy thoughts of the incident, Ryuji was still injured from his fight but could lightly walk around as long as he did nothing physically heavy for a while. A knock could soon be heard on the door however with Ryuji rolling his eyes, already half-expecting it to be Captain Kuro to walk in. "Come on in." he said in a irritated tone, already predicting the conversation to be like "It's not your fault." but Ryuji had shown far more attention when Kuro walked in with an aura-like intensity, already feeling an argument was about to happen. Ryuji was about to start before Kuro said "No, it's not me re-assuring you this time, I have something to say to you." he then grabbed a nearby chair, placing it on the opposite side of where Ryuji is sitting and sat down. "Look, I know you hate it when happy endings don't happen, but don't take it out on the damn soldiers." Ryuji gave a serious look at him, looking slightly agitated himself, standing up from his chair. "You don't speak to a superior offic-" before he could finish the sentence, a slap reached across Ryuji's left face from Kuro's right hand which instantly shut him up. "Don't give me that shit, if you're feeling guilty about what happened at the island, get stronger so it doesn't happen next time, life isn't a fairy tail Ryuji, we don't always get what we want... if you want something to go your way, you really have to work for it."

Kuro had angrily walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him, with some slight red on his left face now and a shocked face, Ryuji now had a lot to think about... after the paperwork of the day was done and he had head off to bed, he thought about what Kuro said, along with how he's been treating the soldiers, realizing that he's right. He did order the soldiers to stay back while he went to his home island, he shouldn't of taken it out on the soldiers when they had nothing to do with it, but his mindset hasn't changed that it's still very much his fault, and he should've been stronger to defeat Dorian. Despite Ryuji's mythical zoan and the level of strength he's at, he can see that there is still many big-shots out there in the world that are far stronger then Dorian and can wipe the floor with Ryuji very easily, with that idea scaring him, he decided to take his training more seriously. He trained every now and then with Captain Kuro, but he's thinking of doing it more frequently. After that final conclusion, he put the topic in his head to rest and eventually fell asleep.

Gray
Coming Home [Episode - Solo] - Page 2 Cool-t10
Tracker

Name : Gray Starks
Epithet : The Conqueror (Formerly "Black Fist")
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" / 310 cm
Weight : 1043 lbs / 473 kg
Species : Human Cyborg
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Super Veteran (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Position : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Haki Level : 9
[[haospec]][[busospec]][[kenbunspec]]
Hitpoints (HP) : 700
Attack (ATK) : 750
Defense (DEF) : 600
Reflex (RX) : 655
Willpower (WP) : 600
Level : 100
Experience Points : 10000
Bounty : 5,000,000,000
Income Multiplier : +10%
Shop Discount : -20%
Berries Berries : 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[freakofnature]][[childofdestiny]]
[[punchoutguru]][[windcaller]]
[[atkt6_sp]][[deft6]][[rxt6]][[wpt6]]
Posts : 2106
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Coming Home [Episode - Solo] - Page 2 Empty Re: Coming Home [Episode - Solo]

on Wed Dec 27, 2017 11:12 am

GRADING


COMMENTS
I really liked the dynamic between Captain Kuro and Ryuji (even though his insubordination is dangerouns, and could be severely punishable if someone outside the crew was to find out). It's a shame Ryuji had to escape, but it does mean that the difficulty bonus will be reset to 0. No matter though, it was a wise choice!

One thing I noticed you missed in your posts was the TTs (Technique Tags). If you don't know what those are, Ctrl+F them in the combat guide. Those are important because, without them, a reader might sometimes be confused as to when exactly a technique is executed.

One other advice I have for you is to not make your posts too expository. While exposition is necessary, too much of it can detach the reader from your character. Nonetheless, you did well to build up your plot and connect your hometown's history to it. And you left a sufficiently interesting plot point for a future quest too. For that reason, I shall be giving you a B! Be sure to use this as encouragement for further quests and continue to improve your writing.


REWARDS

Ryuji Kazama
Difficulty Bonus: +0% (+1 but escaped)
Quality Bonus: +25% (B)

EXP: 63 [50 + (25%*50)]
Berries: 4,050,000 [75k*40 + 25%(75k*40) + 10%(75k*40)] (The last multiplier is from your income as Rear Admiral)
New Balance: 9,100,000 [5,050,000 + 4,050,000]



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