Revival Dawn - One Piece RP
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.
Switch Account



Go down
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

N/A Empty N/A

This post has assessment comments.Sat Dec 12, 2020 6:36 am
Goodnight 


Last edited by Shiki on Wed Dec 30, 2020 6:36 pm; edited 12 times in total
Gray
The Conqueror / Black Fist
[tracker=/t131-tracker-gray-starks#504]
Name : Gray Starks
Epithet : The Conqueror / Black Fist
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" (310 cm)
Weight : 1043 lbs (473 kg)
Species : Human Cyborg
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Haki Level : 10
[[haoasc]][[busoasc]][[kenbunasc]]
Hitpoints (HP) : 750
Attack (ATK) : 800
Defense (DEF) : 600
Reflex (RX) : 715
Willpower (WP) : 650
Level : 100
Prestige : 8
Experience Points : 18000
Bounty : [ber=r] 5,000,000,000
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.20
Shop Discount : -30%
Berries : [ber] 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[childofdestiny]][[freakofnature]]
[[punchoutguru]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]
[[atkt6_sp]][[deft6]][[rxt6]][[wpt6]]
[[1needlelog]][[3needlelog]]
Posts : 3315
View user profile

N/A Empty Re: N/A

This post has assessment comments.Thu Dec 24, 2020 6:17 am
Let me start off by appreciating the quality of your writing. It is definitely a cut above most bios I get to read. That being said, I did have a few comments which I'd like to see addressed before I can approve your bio.

1. There are certain bits of your bio which made me wonder if it was partially lifted from somewhere else. Not to say you weren't its original author, but, if you're reusing your own bio from another site, do let me know. Two lines especially made me wonder this: "he exhibits Compassion Fatigue and is downright ruthless when he exercises her astute mind and innate power." & "It was here that Baraka was sculptured into a killing machine."
Who is "her"? Who is "Baraka"? XD
2. On Revival Dawn, Kuraigana Island is meant to be uncivilized and uninhabited (unless you count baboons). I advise you to make up your own island in one of the blues (especially since you're reusing the names of prominent civilizations such as Rome and Mesopotamia without altering them). You are welcome to keep the theme of the island the same as Kuraigana's.
3. The history felt abruptly incomplete. This isn't particularly an issue, but, you may want to describe the exact circumstances Nuada finds himself in right before you start your RP.
Also, Nuada is not our "protagonist". Lmao.


Nox wrote:
NUADA




N/A Nua 


BASICS



Starting Bonus: Hardboiled 

First Name: Nuada
Last Name: Silverhand
Epithet: Leviathan
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Faction: Revolutionary
Profession: Navigator. Those who're most knowledgeable about the world's Geography and Climate. Possessing skills at understanding of tools such as maps, compasses, and sea charts. 




APPEARANCE



Height: 6'7
Weight: 195-lbs

Hair Style: Long
Hair Color: Silver
Eye Color: Gold
Scars: None
Clothing and Accessories: An athletic, lean male of tall stature and possesses luscious medium-length silver hair which is dangles from his head. Though at times is segmented into ponytail that stretches to his shoulders. Around his piercing golden eyes is black eyeliner that fades toward the inner portions of his eyelids. Nested on his head is a crown of thorns, its obsidian color matching his black themed attire. Itself comprised of an avant-garde black imperial gown. A vitalizing compression gear with proper limb coverage: arm-length gloves, knee-high limb footwear. For bottoms he has wide crotch pants, that stops at his knees [ REF ]. As accessories he has gold bangle bracelets that extend from his elbows to his wrists & a gold bangle necklace with a ruby in the center that is inspired by his mother lineage. 

Description: Nuada (pronounced; nue-a-da) is an fair complexioned man who possess golden eyes and long flowing hair that drop to his shoulders. It's this characteristic alongside his ferocity that ascribes his native epithet as Leviathan. Those that he is friendly with refer to him as Nue or Nox. The later a nickname heralding from his time within the World Government.




PAST



Main Traits: Nonchalant
Likes: Silence
Dislikes: Lists
Unique laugh: .......

Hometown: Kuraigana Island. A dark and gloomy place located in the Grand Line. It was once home to many fallen and forgotten Kingdoms. Now populated with monolithic ruins that highlight the once auspicious and decadent tastes of its proprietors. Nature has since reclaimed the landscape transforming it into thick forests that remain uninhabitable. Amongst its landscape are the unique hills and humongous vines that tower the edge of its topography. An almost eerie ambiance permeates the region, no doubt from the thick clouds that obscure the sunlight and hold the region in perpetual state of semi-darkness. In the gloomy recesses of this land only but one creature stands as the apex predator; Mandrills. These humanoid ape creatures possess tacit guile and immense strength to match their robust frames. As such the island's current state is not for the faint of heart. However, it wasn't always so. Therein lies the mystery of [ Withdrawn ] Kingdom.

Personality: Naturally soft spoken, Nuada is the hallmark of elegance and oozes maturity as he conducts his affairs in grace. A decorum that stems from his noble upbringing. His demeanor is one steeped in logic and practically. Never acting unless certain that things will play out at his pace and beautifully. Thus, he acts cautious, nondescript and is often labelled cold. However, his reservation shouldn't be mistaken for weakness. If anything he harbors a razor sharp mind and is unwavering devoted to his ambitions and dotes on his comrades, Fishmen, whom he loves deeply. An esteemed warrior, he exhibits Compassion Fatigue and is downright ruthless when he exercises her astute mind and innate power.




HISTORY



Long before his metamorphosis into Nox, the Black Eagle that roamed to spread terror on the high seas. Prior to his recruitment as one of Lady Death's heralds, Nuada was an ordinary child. Born to two loving parents, his formative years were filled with warmth and love that they showered to their little wonder. Yet, the joys of those days are but a mirage. Instead what torments him most is the event of that night. The full details are nothing more than fragmented pieces that comprise of imagined truth and materialized terror. Nevertheless, the details matter little as does the lesson it imparted on the young man. The age old rule of the strong preying on the weak dished to the delicate tune of human fragility and depravity.


Kuraigana Island's, [ Withheld ] Kingdom on the outskirts of Mesopotamia. It was here that our protagonist was born. On his fifth year, his parents alongside with everyone else in his town, were attacked by the conquering neighbors Rome. Adults of fighting age were slain lest they rebel, whilst the children were enslaved, set to work for various World Government Projects across the blues. Thus, marked the troubled life of young Nuada Silverhand. However, all was not naught as soon he caught favor with some of Rome's officials and was appointed within their ranks. Unable to understand their Machiavellian intentions, Nuada served dutifully going as far as surpassing expectations. It was here that Baraka was sculptured into a killing machine. In those days, the Kingdom had labelled him a privateer and championed his accolades until the day he turned their fangs on them.
Gray
The Conqueror / Black Fist
[tracker=/t131-tracker-gray-starks#504]
Name : Gray Starks
Epithet : The Conqueror / Black Fist
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" (310 cm)
Weight : 1043 lbs (473 kg)
Species : Human Cyborg
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Haki Level : 10
[[haoasc]][[busoasc]][[kenbunasc]]
Hitpoints (HP) : 750
Attack (ATK) : 800
Defense (DEF) : 600
Reflex (RX) : 715
Willpower (WP) : 650
Level : 100
Prestige : 8
Experience Points : 18000
Bounty : [ber=r] 5,000,000,000
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.20
Shop Discount : -30%
Berries : [ber] 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[childofdestiny]][[freakofnature]]
[[punchoutguru]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]
[[atkt6_sp]][[deft6]][[rxt6]][[wpt6]]
[[1needlelog]][[3needlelog]]
Posts : 3315
View user profile

N/A Empty Re: N/A

This post has assessment comments.Mon Dec 28, 2020 8:03 pm
As I mentioned before, Kuraigana Island is uncivilized in our lore and has been for centuries - unless you count the baboons. Please make up a different island as there seems to be no actual dependency on this island's specific circumstances in your history.

Also, there is an established year in our canon. The year is 1829 presently. You can always see the ongoing year in the News Coo.

Also, note that the Magnet-Magnet fruit's previous claim is canon to Revival Dawn. Meaning, your use of it needs to respect its existing history. Its previous user was a Shichibukai who only recently died in our timeline -
December 25, 1828, to be exact. The present time is early 1829 (time is liquid to a degree).
Nox wrote:
SHIKI



N/A Mso


BASICS




Starting Bonus: Hardboiled 


First Name: Shiki
Epithet: Nox
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Faction: Revolutionary
Profession: Navigator. Those who're most knowledgeable about the world's Geography and Climate. Possessing skills at understanding of tools such as maps, compasses, and sea charts. 




APPEARANCE




Height: 7
Weight: 200-lbs


Hair Style: Short
Hair Color: Black
Eye Color: Silver
Scars: None
Clothing and Accessories: A rather domineering individual no small part from the muscular albeit lean build on his gigantic frame. For his attire he dons black pants held in place by a double beaded sash. Resting on said sash is Yggdrasil; inconspicuously split into an accessory piece. His lower half, compliments the black half-sleeve draped jacket, worn over a white stripped t-shirt. On his left arm is a blue patterned tribal tattoo designed to accentuate the definition of his bicep. His most striking feature is The Reaper's Hat. 17" in height and almost 30' this wide brimmed hat is always atop his head obscuring his face & adding an aura of mysticism about him.


Description: Shiki (pronounced; sh-ee-ke) is an onyx complexioned man who possess silver eyes and short spiky hair that compacts into short locks. It's this characteristic among others which ascribes his native epithet.




PAST




Main Traits: Nonchalant
Likes: Silence
Dislikes: Lists
Unique laugh: .......


Hometown: Kuraigana Island. A dark and gloomy place located in the Grand Line. It was once home to many fallen and forgotten Kingdoms. Now populated with monolithic ruins that highlight the once auspicious and decadent tastes of its proprietors. Nature has since reclaimed the landscape transforming it into thick forests that remain uninhabitable. Amongst its landscape are the unique hills and humongous vines that tower the edge of its topography. An almost eerie ambiance permeates the region, no doubt from the thick clouds that obscure the sunlight and hold the region in perpetual state of semi-darkness. In the gloomy recesses of this land only but one creature stands as the apex predator; Mandrills. These humanoid ape creatures possess tacit guile and immense strength to match their robust frames. As such the island's current state is not for the faint of heart. However, it wasn't always so. Therein lies the mystery of [ Withdrawn ] Kingdom.


Personality: An intuitive introvert Shiki epitomizes determination, arrogance and pride. No doubt molded by the conservatism of his tribe and militaristic ideologies of his upbringing. Due to the circumstances of his youth he has lived a troubled life, having felt mankind's cruelty. However, his resiliency is such that he never succumbed to depravity rather developed a character that wishes to solve problems. This attribute in the presence of a keen intellect proved the ingredients that fostered his messiah complex. A burning desire of anti (current) establishment which sees him wish social, political and economic absolution for the people.


Though, over time this has developed into global control under rule of a magnanimous ruler; HIM. Once challenged Shiki often mesmerizes his way through discourse without reliance on violence. However, once cornered or demanded into the physical he demonstrates glimpses of violence. Over time he has come to understand force can be a tool & upped his brutality. This range from individual beat downs to orchestrating terrorist attacks against nations. Despite, this he's not a fiend who merely wishes harm to others. Those who earn his favor are treated to a young man with a lust for adventure, literature and art. An individual who understands and values of loyalty and fiercely protects to his friends.




HISTORY




Shiki is a son of Kuraigana Island. Born into the vast grasslands that separated the western highlands from the lush tropics of the central basin. To be precise he's a child of the earliest inhabitants who occupied [ Withheld ]. In those days it was nothing more than a barren wasteland that served as the continent's deathbed. This was until one eventful mid Summer's when it was bombarded with a freakish meteorite shower. At the time local sages and wise men dubbed the event as a cataclysm marking the end of the world. An exaggeration no doubt but one which held some truth. Famine and hunger would soon follow this event and bring about the first exodus that some historians have marked as earliest [ Withheld ] migration. However, unbeknownst to wider society it was the aftermath of this shower that marked the earliest appearance of 'Anointed'. A tribal term which referenced a select group of individuals who possessed extraordinary gifts. Potent abilities that would see men become beasts, bend nature to their will or ascend themselves into godhood. 


Naturally, these individuals would spearhead their individual tribes and bring about ancient civilization. One such man was [ Withheld ]. A maverick who led his people on voyage across the Grandline. It was he who helped set the foundations of his people and create a successful settlement. Time passed, and generations built upon the success of their ancestors. Thus, Kuraigana Island's [ Witheld ] Kingdom came to be. The nation prospered exponentially and the 'Anointed' became revered. Given their rarity, these men and women served as military and spiritual leaders. Etching their tales in folk songs as heroes. Hence in the spring of 14XX when Shiki was born, he arrived to a cultured and civilized society. His father was [ Withheld ], an Anointed whose imposing stature and ability had him dubbed as the [ Withheld]. Naturally his talents were tapped into that of a Protector. Whereas his mother [ Withheld ], a scholar dabbing in medicine and astronomy hailing from [ Withheld ]. By this time the number of Anointed had risen from one or two per generation to at least four. The effort to guarantee Shiki's succession of his father's abilities, would see him purse physical training and academia in a strict monitored environment.


The ignorance of childhood coupled with his curiosity made for simple living. Days would be spent testing his abilities, learning about history, organizing combat training and frolicking with his peers. All seemed well for him and much like his father & his father before him was set to assume [ Devil Fruit Withheld ]. This was until [ Withheld ] attacked. Over the years these foreigners from far lands had come in and brought with them strange education and trinkets. Shiki had never been fond of them except for one girl who had entertained and matched his mischievousness. Nevertheless, its was the outsiders who capitalized on native’s hospitality. Their leaders had made the island's resources top priority and proceeded to invade. Their calculated malevolence and superior technology overwhelmed many a people. For just as natives had 'Anointed' they too had their own. None more infamous than [ Withheld ]. A solider whose purpose was the identification and elimination of Anointed. This fiend had massacred his way through their numbers & at the height of his rampage made his way to Shiki, who at the time was with his mother. In a bid to save her son she had used her blessing on him. Thus, begun the troubled life of Shiki.
Gray
The Conqueror / Black Fist
[tracker=/t131-tracker-gray-starks#504]
Name : Gray Starks
Epithet : The Conqueror / Black Fist
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" (310 cm)
Weight : 1043 lbs (473 kg)
Species : Human Cyborg
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Haki Level : 10
[[haoasc]][[busoasc]][[kenbunasc]]
Hitpoints (HP) : 750
Attack (ATK) : 800
Defense (DEF) : 600
Reflex (RX) : 715
Willpower (WP) : 650
Level : 100
Prestige : 8
Experience Points : 18000
Bounty : [ber=r] 5,000,000,000
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.20
Shop Discount : -30%
Berries : [ber] 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[childofdestiny]][[freakofnature]]
[[punchoutguru]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]
[[atkt6_sp]][[deft6]][[rxt6]][[wpt6]]
[[1needlelog]][[3needlelog]]
Posts : 3315
View user profile

N/A Empty Re: N/A

This post has assessment comments.Tue Dec 29, 2020 8:34 am
You may not time travel. I have specific plans for the Toki Toki no Mi for the site's lore which would be contradicted by your use of it. And frankly, you simply have not earned its use in your history.

Shiki wrote:
SHIKI



N/A Mso


BASICS



Starting Bonus: Hardboiled 

First Name: Shiki
Epithet: Nox
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Faction: Revolutionary
Profession: Navigator. Those who're most knowledgeable about the world's Geography and Climate. Possessing skills at understanding of tools such as maps, compasses, and sea charts. 




APPEARANCE



Height: 7
Weight: 200-lbs


Hair Style: Short
Hair Color: Black
Eye Color: Silver
Scars: None
Clothing and Accessories: A rather domineering individual no small part from the muscular albeit lean build on his gigantic frame. For his attire he dons black pants held in place by a double beaded sash. Resting on said sash is Yggdrasil; inconspicuously split into an accessory piece. His lower half, compliments the black half-sleeve draped jacket, worn over a white stripped t-shirt. On his left arm is a blue patterned tribal tattoo designed to accentuate the definition of his bicep. His most striking feature is The Reaper's Hat. 17" in height and almost 30' this wide brimmed hat is always atop his head obscuring his face & adding an aura of mysticism about him.


Description: Shiki (pronounced; sh-ee-ke) is an onyx complexioned man who possess silver eyes and short spiky hair that compacts into short locks. It's this characteristic among others which ascribes his native epithet.




PAST



Main Traits: Nonchalant
Likes: Silence
Dislikes: Lists
Unique laugh: .......


Hometown: Nameless Island. A dark and gloomy place located in the Grand Line. It was once home to many fallen and forgotten Kingdoms. Now populated with monolithic ruins that highlight the once auspicious and decadent tastes of its proprietors. Nature has since reclaimed the landscape transforming it into thick forests that remain uninhabitable. Amongst its landscape are the unique hills and humongous vines that tower the edge of its topography. An almost eerie ambiance permeates the region, no doubt from the thick clouds that obscure the sunlight and hold the region in perpetual state of semi-darkness. In the gloomy recesses of this land only but one creature stands as the apex predator; Bluegori. These humanoid ape creatures possess tacit guile and immense strength to match their robust frames. As such the island's current state is not for the faint of heart. However, it wasn't always so. Therein lies the mystery of [ Withdrawn ] Kingdom.


Personality: An intuitive introvert Shiki epitomizes determination, arrogance and pride. No doubt molded by the conservatism of his tribe and militaristic ideologies of his upbringing. Due to the circumstances of his youth he has lived a troubled life, having felt mankind's cruelty. However, his resiliency is such that he never succumbed to depravity rather developed a character that wishes to solve problems. This attribute in the presence of a keen intellect proved the ingredients that fostered his messiah complex. A burning desire of anti (current) establishment which sees him wish social, political and economic absolution for the people.


Though, over time this has developed into global control under rule of a magnanimous ruler; HIM. Once challenged Shiki often mesmerizes his way through discourse without reliance on violence. However, once cornered or demanded into the physical he demonstrates glimpses of violence. Over time he has come to understand force can be a tool & upped his brutality. This range from individual beat downs to orchestrating terrorist attacks against nations. Despite, this he's not a fiend who merely wishes harm to others. Those who earn his favor are treated to a young man with a lust for adventure, literature and art. An individual who understands and values of loyalty and fiercely protects to his friends.




HISTORY



Shiki is a son of Nameless Island. Born into the vast grasslands that separated the western highlands from the lush tropics of the central basin. To be precise he's a child of the earliest inhabitants who occupied [ Withheld ]. In those days it was nothing more than a barren wasteland that served as the continent's deathbed. This was until one eventful mid Summer's when it was bombarded with a freakish meteorite shower. At the time local sages and wise men dubbed the event as a cataclysm marking the end of the world. An exaggeration no doubt but one which held some truth. Famine and hunger would soon follow this event and bring about the first exodus that some historians have marked as earliest [ Withheld ] migration. However, unbeknownst to wider society it was the aftermath of this shower that marked the earliest appearance of 'Anointed'. A tribal term which referenced a select group of individuals who possessed extraordinary gifts. Potent abilities that would see men become beasts, bend nature to their will or ascend themselves into godhood. 


Naturally, these individuals would spearhead their individual tribes and bring about ancient civilization. One such man was [ Withheld ]. A maverick who led his people on voyage across the Grandline. It was he who helped set the foundations of his people and create a successful settlement. Time passed, and generations built upon the success of their ancestors. Thus, Nameless Island's [ Witheld ] Kingdom came to be. The nation prospered exponentially and the 'Anointed' became revered. Given their rarity, these men and women served as military and spiritual leaders. Etching their tales in folk songs as heroes. Hence in the spring of 14XX when Shiki was born, he arrived to a cultured and civilized society. His father was [ Withheld ], an Anointed whose imposing stature and ability had him dubbed as the [ Withheld]. Naturally his talents were tapped into that of a Protector. Whereas his mother [ Withheld ], a scholar dabbing in medicine and astronomy hailing from [ Withheld ]. By this time the number of Anointed had risen from one or two per generation to at least four. The effort to guarantee Shiki's succession of his father's abilities, would see him purse physical training and academia in a strict monitored environment.


The ignorance of childhood coupled with his curiosity made for simple living. Days would be spent testing his abilities, learning about history, organizing combat training and frolicking with his peers. All seemed well for him and much like his father & his father before him was set to assume [ Devil Fruit Withheld ]. This was until [ Withheld ] attacked. Over the years these foreigners from far lands had come in and brought with them strange education and trinkets. Shiki had never been fond of them except for one girl who had entertained and matched his mischievousness. Nevertheless, its was the outsiders who capitalized on native’s hospitality. Their leaders had made the island's resources top priority and proceeded to invade. Their calculated malevolence and superior technology overwhelmed many a people. For just as natives had 'Anointed' they too had their own. None more infamous than [ Withheld ]. A solider whose purpose was the identification and elimination of Anointed. This fiend had massacred his way through their numbers & at the height of his rampage made his way to Shiki, who at the time was with his mother. In a bid to save her son she had used her blessing on him.


It had been common knowledge his mother had an ability. However, its redundancy was such that it was assumed to merely teleport targets. Of whom or which none would ever be seen again. Truth be told many considered a curse of sorts and [ Withheld ] vowed to never use it. This was until presented with the possibility of her son's death. It was this act, that would see Shiki propelled [ XXX ] hundred years in the future. The magnitude of the events had proven monumental for the then eight-year-old child. Death. Hopelessness. Anger. A myriad of emotions washed him as he was forced to adapt in this new land and timeline. Fortunately, this new world was more merciful to an orphaned belligerent who exemplified every known caricature. In the coming years Shiki would drown himself in education and re-acclimate with the world.
Back to top
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Join Revival Dawn on Discord