Revival Dawn - One Piece RP
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NPC
NPC
Tracker

Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Haki Level : 0
Hitpoints (HP) : 0
Attack (ATK) : 0
Defense (DEF) : 0
Reflex (RX) : 0
Willpower (WP) : 0
Level : 0
Experience Points : 0
Bounty : Variable
Berries Berries : Variable
Posts : 1271
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[Episode] Dinner's Served! - Page 3 Empty Re: [Episode] Dinner's Served!

Mon Jun 07, 2021 7:54 am
The member 'Yumiko' has done the following action : Dice Roll


#1 'Reflex Check' : 2, 16, 10, 5

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 3, 10
Yumiko
Tracker

Name : Yumiko
Epithet : Kamaitachi
Age : 26
Height : 5'5'' / 165 cm
Weight : 128 lbs. / 58 kg
Species : Human
Faction : Marine
Crew : The Guardian Knights
Ship : The Grand Steamer
Marine Rank : Petty Officer
Crew Role : First Mate
Devil Fruit : Ita Ita no Mi, Model: Kamaitachi
Haki Level : 3
Hitpoints (HP) : 220
Attack (ATK) : 305
Defense (DEF) : 135
Reflex (RX) : 250
Willpower (WP) : 240
Level : 34
Experience Points : 3438
Quality Score : S+
Income Multiplier : +13%
Berries Berries : 42,666,800
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Turf : Minion Island;
Posts : 280
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[Episode] Dinner's Served! - Page 3 Empty Re: [Episode] Dinner's Served!

Mon Jun 07, 2021 8:47 am
Yumiko’s eyes narrowed the moment Ryoichi’s frankly preposterous claim reached her ears. How could he even say that? Granted, she knew her life had no value outside of her duty, but... Did saving her truly mean so little to him? That he didn’t even see it worthy of a debt? The thought slashed deep.

Chewing, chewing, chewing away, the samurai silently listened as the boxer continued to trample all over her honor. She gritted her teeth hard enough to tear through the meat with ease. Deep breaths... Were doing nothing. When the grandmother shared the insulting sentiment, the pain became too much to bear.

“...I refuse.”

Curt and quiet, the weasel’s comment cut across the table. She swallowed the chewed shreds and spoke again. “I shall not retreat. Not now, not ever.” As she stared at the remaining scraps of food, her eyes burned with peculiar madness. “Come death or defeat, a samurai should always face his fate with honor.” As always she was dead serious, albeit overly dramatic.

With reignited resolve, the samurai collected the one last bite of everything. Her plate looked like a messy mismatch of meals. A deep breath steadied her nerves, as brought the plate to her jaws. Down the hatch it all went, washed away by a big gulp of water. She set the empty dishes down.

An eerie silence hung in the air...

After a dramatic pause, the weasel woman let out a heavy sigh. “I thank thee for the meal.” Her fur started receding, fading back into her skin. Quickly she shrank down to her usual size and form. That had been far too close... She hadn’t felt this uncomfortably full in ages. Even one more bite and she surely would have burst. Or at least fallen into a food coma.

Meanwhile, the other marines had finally gotten most giggles out of their system. Sly whispers were exchanged. Some were almost disappointed that the Commander hadn’t completely failed. Others, on the other hand, were kind of worried about that whole no retreat policy... That wasn’t, like, in the Marine Code, was it?

Words: 350
Total: 7182 | 5000
 
COMBAT TRACKERS:
PLAYER STATS:


  HP: 8/220 [-11 this turn]
  ATK: 300 -> 375 [Mythical Form] -> 450 [Tempest Dance]
  DEF: 120 -> 90 [Mythical Form]
  RX: 250
  WP: 240

 
PLAYER RATIOS:


  vs. Opponent
  RX%: 100%
  DMG%: 142% -> 214%
 



 
USED 4 TECHNIQUES | 0 TOGGLES | 0 HAKI:


  TECHNIQUES
  Weasel's Tail | LT | Miss | Flat | 0 dmg | The Grand Feast
 Sickle Wind | LT | Hit | Flat | 21 dmg | The Grand Feast
 Last Resort | LT | Hit | Flat | 21 dmg | The Grand Feast
  - | UT | Miss | Flat | 0 dmg | The Grand Feast
 


  TOGGLES
  - | -
 


  HAKI
  {haki type} | {haki effect}

 
1 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 1 TOGGLES | 0 HAKI ACTIVE:


  TECHNIQUES
  Tempest Dance | +20% ATK | 2 turns
 


  TOGGLES
  Mythical Form | +25% ATK, -25% DEF
 


  HAKI
  {active haki type} | {haki effect} | {haki duration left}

 
9 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 0 HAKI COOLING DOWN:


  TECHNIQUES
  "Have at Thee!" | 4 turns
 Final Mercy | 3 turns
 Weasel's Claws | 4 turns
 Tempest Dance | 8 turns
 Storm Chaser | 1 turns
 Gale Warning | 1 turns
 Weasel's Tail | 2 turns
 Sickle Wind | 2 turns
 Last Resort | 2 turns
 


  HAKI
  {active haki type} | {haki effect} | {haki duration left}

 
OPPONENT STATS:


  The Grand Feast
  Level: 34
  HP: 0/200 [-42 this turn]
  ATK: 200
  DEF: 210
  RX: 250
  WP: 200
 



 
OPPONENT RATIOS:


  The Grand Feast vs. Yumiko
  RX%: 100%
  DMG%: 222%
 



 
OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:


  The Grand Feast
  AoE | Miss | 0 dmg | Yumiko
  UT | Hit |  11 dmg | Yumiko
 



 
Ryoichi Ayugai
Tracker

Name : Ryoichi Ayugai
Epithet : The Boxing Bear
Age : 22
Height : 6 feet 1 inch (1.85m)
Weight : 198 lbs (95kg)
Species : Human
Faction : Marines
Crew : The Guardian Knights
Ship : The Grand Steamer
Marine Rank : Petty Officer
Crew Role : Gunner
Devil Fruit : Kuma-Kuma no Mi (Bear-Bear Fruit) Model: Polar Bear
Haki Level : 4
Hitpoints (HP) : 235
Attack (ATK) : 250
Defense (DEF) : 220
Reflex (RX) : 270
Willpower (WP) : 270
Level : 38
Experience Points : 3813
Quality Score : B
EXP Multiplier : +10% (to all allies)
Income Multiplier : +13%
Berries Berries : 115,317,400
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Turf : Minion Island;
Posts : 163
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[Episode] Dinner's Served! - Page 3 Empty Re: [Episode] Dinner's Served!

Thu Jun 10, 2021 5:08 am
A wide grin appeared on Ryoichi's face. Yumiko was persistent, stubborn even, but in the end, it had paid off as she emerged victorious against the feast that Granny had prepared. Ryoichi raised both of his hands up in a fist motion... Only to then hit the fists in the ceiling. He was still in his bear form! About time to just deactivate it... He had not forgotten he was a bear... Right?

Even granny reached out to Yumiko's hand to then raise it up in the air in a typical boxing victory manner. "Excellent job Yumiko!" which was followed by a hearty chuckle from the granny. A weird sense of proudness appeared on her face... Yes... She seems to be worthy... But worthy of what? That shall never be revealed most likely. The granny gently lowered the hand of Yumiko back down and then began to move towards the locked door... Which granny just normally opened... Without using a single key.

Shocking! The marines stood up in a rowdy manner as they began to question what the hell was going on. They all were supposed to be locked up in here... Right? "Me? Lock anyone up? Are you people mad? That would be a crime." the granny couldn't help but laugh out at this statement. "The locking system is loose.. It clicks like that every time I close the door..". The granny then proceeded to move through the doorway, into the secondary cold pantry.

What could be heard next sounded almost like a line straight out of horror flick or book.... Casting fear into the very men and women in the room... "Who would like to have some dessert?"

Word count:
Words: 280
Total: 8419
Yumiko
Tracker

Name : Yumiko
Epithet : Kamaitachi
Age : 26
Height : 5'5'' / 165 cm
Weight : 128 lbs. / 58 kg
Species : Human
Faction : Marine
Crew : The Guardian Knights
Ship : The Grand Steamer
Marine Rank : Petty Officer
Crew Role : First Mate
Devil Fruit : Ita Ita no Mi, Model: Kamaitachi
Haki Level : 3
Hitpoints (HP) : 220
Attack (ATK) : 305
Defense (DEF) : 135
Reflex (RX) : 250
Willpower (WP) : 240
Level : 34
Experience Points : 3438
Quality Score : S+
Income Multiplier : +13%
Berries Berries : 42,666,800
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Turf : Minion Island;
Posts : 280
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[Episode] Dinner's Served! - Page 3 Empty Re: [Episode] Dinner's Served!

Fri Jun 11, 2021 8:11 am
The stuffed samurai tried to deflect the praise, but all that came out was a brief burp. Too... Full... Lethargy seeped like a paralyzing venom through her veins.  Her body wouldn’t be able to stomach anything else for a long while.

Soon, shock passed through the group like a ripple in a pond. It seemed the granny sensed the question brewing in everyone’s minds. It only served to fuel the confusion. What...? Why...? How...? More questions that might go unanswered forever. Maybe it was better that way.

Yumiko, however, didn’t seem all that surprised. She simply sat there, arms folded, watching quietly. In fact, it was almost like she had known all along... So certain she seemed... Beneath the stoic stare, a single thought rang with perfect clarity. So... It was push and not pull...

Words continued to hold fearsome power. A single sentence was enough to trigger the woman’s fight or flight response. Her eyes bulged and jaw dropped, as she recoiled in horror. The icy exterior cracked beneath the sheer force of the soundless, internal screaming. Even one more bite and she might truly burst... Or at least end up in the infirmary again.

And yet...

The samurai gathered her composure with a deep breath. Her eyes regained that gleam of peculiar madness... Steeling her nerves, she spoke up with unwavering conviction. “We marines do not know the concept of retreat.”

Immediately one of the soldiers piped up, holding up a shaky hand. “But we are willing to learn!” His buddies nodded eagerly. One pulled out a tiny dictionary and started leafing through it frantically. Rebound, recall, resonance... Ah, here. Retreat, noun, an act of moving back or withdrawing.

Sounded great right about now.

Ignoring the plea for mercy, Yumiko took it upon herself to represent the bravery of the marines. “Yes, please, honorable elder. Let us have our just desserts.” No matter what awaited her, she would not falter. Not now, not ever.

That was the last straw. Enlightened by the dictionary, the marines leapt immediately into action. In trained unison, they sprung up from their seats, rushed past the granny and right out the front door. The kitchen door flapped in the breeze born from their speedy retreat. Pretty impressive at full stomach, actually.

Within seconds, the fleeing dust cloud vanished into the distance. Only the granny, the boxer and the very baffled Commander remained behind. For better or worse...

Words: 404
Total: 7586 | 5000
Ryoichi Ayugai
Tracker

Name : Ryoichi Ayugai
Epithet : The Boxing Bear
Age : 22
Height : 6 feet 1 inch (1.85m)
Weight : 198 lbs (95kg)
Species : Human
Faction : Marines
Crew : The Guardian Knights
Ship : The Grand Steamer
Marine Rank : Petty Officer
Crew Role : Gunner
Devil Fruit : Kuma-Kuma no Mi (Bear-Bear Fruit) Model: Polar Bear
Haki Level : 4
Hitpoints (HP) : 235
Attack (ATK) : 250
Defense (DEF) : 220
Reflex (RX) : 270
Willpower (WP) : 270
Level : 38
Experience Points : 3813
Quality Score : B
EXP Multiplier : +10% (to all allies)
Income Multiplier : +13%
Berries Berries : 115,317,400
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Posts : 163
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[Episode] Dinner's Served! - Page 3 Empty Re: [Episode] Dinner's Served!

Sun Jun 13, 2021 5:33 am
Nothing could be done but cover his face with his palm at the display the marines had decided to show. A cold-hearted retreat from the loving "arms" of the granny Ayugai... Shameful display! But it is what it is. Their hearts and stomachs could not take it all of these goodies anymore. And thus, there they were... Ryoichi and Yumiko sitting next to each other.

He leaned back a bit as he then rested his hand on his stomach, letting out a relieved sigh. Yumiko probably could not figure it out but there was certainly a reason to actually be relieved right now... The "worst" was finally over. "It used to be... Way easier... Especially when I was training day in and day out..." he let out a hearty chuckle at that as he was reminiscing about his "glory" days... Oh, those were the days.

"Who knew you could devour that much food. I am certainly impressed... Even granny is, trust me." he smiled as he had his head turned towards Yumiko, giving her a thumb up with his other free hand that was not resting on the stomach.

A couple of moments later, granny had entered back into the dining room, holding onto a small metal container that seemed to be frozen on the surface... Only to be met with a way emptier room than it used to be. A disappointed and even somewhat saddening expression emerged on her face. "Others did not like my food?". Of course, this was the moment where Ryoichi did what he could to ease the guilt granny was feeling from having the people leave. "No no no granny, they did not go because of that. They had to return to the ship to get it ready for departure..."

The silent granny placed the ice-cold metal container on the table and brought two bowls with two spoons, which she placed in front of Ryoichi and Yumiko. Into each of these two bowls, she would scoop three balls of a cold, iced, dairy product. One would call this magnificent treat ice cream. "It's all okay... At least two of my favorite people of the group stayed around.". Her face was once more covered with a bright and genuine smile. "Dig in.."

The two bowls of ice cream were slid before Ryoichi and Yumiko. Ryoichi of course immediately knew what he was getting himself into... And boy it is as glorious as the rest of the meal... Except this one had an even bigger purpose. A proper dessert is to set the final tone of the feast... Also, it is known that a proper soft ice cream acts almost like a stomach medicine, helping to give somewhat of a relieving feeling after a big feast... Or so it works for Ryoichi. Upon tasting the ice-cold whipped dairy product, one could feel the vanilla sweetness in their mouth, but it wasn't too sweet, thanks to the fact that this was combated by a slight sour citrusy taste that of a lemon... Creating a perfect harmony of sweet and yet sour.

With each small spoonful of ice cream Ryoichi took... He blew on it... AS IF HE WAS EATING SOMETHING WARM. Granny shook her head and covered her face with her palm at that. "It's been twenty years since you got your first ice cream and you still blow on it?!". This was met with the blinking and yet, a fairly innocent facial expression of Ryoichi. "What? Ice cream is cold... I am trying to warm it up a tiny bit so it wouldn't be so cold in my mouth." WHO DOES THAT?!

Word Count:
Words: 605
Total: 9024
Yumiko
Tracker

Name : Yumiko
Epithet : Kamaitachi
Age : 26
Height : 5'5'' / 165 cm
Weight : 128 lbs. / 58 kg
Species : Human
Faction : Marine
Crew : The Guardian Knights
Ship : The Grand Steamer
Marine Rank : Petty Officer
Crew Role : First Mate
Devil Fruit : Ita Ita no Mi, Model: Kamaitachi
Haki Level : 3
Hitpoints (HP) : 220
Attack (ATK) : 305
Defense (DEF) : 135
Reflex (RX) : 250
Willpower (WP) : 240
Level : 34
Experience Points : 3438
Quality Score : S+
Income Multiplier : +13%
Berries Berries : 42,666,800
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Turf : Minion Island;
Posts : 280
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[Episode] Dinner's Served! - Page 3 Empty Re: [Episode] Dinner's Served!

Mon Jun 14, 2021 8:07 am
Too stunned -and full- to even give chase, the Commander could only watch in quiet shock as her subordinates shamefully abandoned the battlefield. Unthinkable. Such disobedience would take three, nay, four pages of her report to the Captain after this mission was over. Being off-duty was no excuse for cowardice!

However, Ryoichi’s quick explanation made Yumiko recoil from shock. Her eyes widened and jaw dropped. “Truly?! Did their sure-leaf end already???” She was not even aware that they would be departing so soon. Gah, once again she had gotten careless and missed a crucial detail. Furthermore, she had nearly chastised her allies for simply following orders... Unforgivable blunders.

The samurai moved to leave the table herself, but the treat placed before her stopped her. Ah, right, the battle wasn’t over quite yet... Hesitantly she sat back down. Picking up a spoon, she ever so carefully poked the mystery dessert. It resembled something between snow and pudding... Having grown up poor -and, you know, a weasel- she had never before encountered this... icy cream.

So the puzzled warrior did the same thing she did with all foreign cultures. She observed closely. Her keen stare was immediately drawn to Ryoichi. Unblinking, she took in every motion. So first, you take a spoonful... Then... Ah, so that was the proper technique! In the confines of her mind, mental notes were scribbled at a furious rate.

Yumiko, mimicking the example, also took a spoonful of the soft treat and ever so carefully blew on it. She took a careful bite... And immediately shuddered at the cold sensation. Yet, it tasted rather refreshing. Perhaps her favorite dish thus far.

Perhaps it was the miracle of soft ice cream... Or more likely the heightened recovery of a Zoan... But with each spoonful the gut-aching heaviness eased a little. Despite the woman’s worst fears, it seemed the battle was already over after all.

A brief respite before the next one.

By the time Yumiko finished her portion, she was feeling notably better. Without a word, she rose from her seat. Silent steps took her over to the honorable elder. Looming over the short grandmother, she stared down at her with ice in her eyes. Calling it a glare would’ve been fair.

In truth, the samurai was still rather sore over certain things that had been said today... Her honor had been wounded deeply and it was not an easy thing to forgive. However, to hold a grudge would’ve been far more shameful.

Thus, the swordswoman calmly prostrated herself, pressing her palms and forehead against the cool floor. “I thank thee for the meal. ‘Twas far more than I deserve.” Well, even if she tried her best to forgive and forget, some icy harshness still remained beneath the polite tone. “If there is anything thou wish for in return, I shall do all in my power to repay this debt.” To someone who knew hunger, there was no greater gift than food.

And gifts had to be repaid.

Words: 500
Total: 8086 | 5000
Ryoichi Ayugai
Tracker

Name : Ryoichi Ayugai
Epithet : The Boxing Bear
Age : 22
Height : 6 feet 1 inch (1.85m)
Weight : 198 lbs (95kg)
Species : Human
Faction : Marines
Crew : The Guardian Knights
Ship : The Grand Steamer
Marine Rank : Petty Officer
Crew Role : Gunner
Devil Fruit : Kuma-Kuma no Mi (Bear-Bear Fruit) Model: Polar Bear
Haki Level : 4
Hitpoints (HP) : 235
Attack (ATK) : 250
Defense (DEF) : 220
Reflex (RX) : 270
Willpower (WP) : 270
Level : 38
Experience Points : 3813
Quality Score : B
EXP Multiplier : +10% (to all allies)
Income Multiplier : +13%
Berries Berries : 115,317,400
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Turf : Minion Island;
Posts : 163
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[Episode] Dinner's Served! - Page 3 Empty Re: [Episode] Dinner's Served!

Sat Jun 19, 2021 3:03 pm
"Already leaving too?" The grandma blinked as she saw both Yumiko and Ryoichi stand up after they had finished their easy ice-cream dessert. Ryoichi smiled softly and nod his head to the remark. "We are indeed. We still have a bit of resupplying to do before we hit the sea once more. Duty once again calls.".

Grandma, of course, pouted at that. Her only grandson already leaving her place, after just an hour or so... Unacceptable! But, she kept reminding herself that there is certainly a noble reason why he is about to leave once more. She moved over to her grandson and immediately wrapped her arms around him to embrace him. "Be sure to come to visit me again... And soon.". Ryoichi couldn't do much but nod at that. The sad reality was that he could not promise any sure returns at this moment. He will never know when he is able to come to visit again... And if ever at that. But like he did with the group of marines leaving the house... He says out the necessary lie. "I'll come again as soon as I can."

The sight of granny then shifted over to Yumiko, who was at that very moment, expressing her gratitude for the hospitality and the food... But in a rather strange way to the people of this area. She down on her knees with her forehead hitting the floor. Ryoichi was already used to seeing this... But for granny. She had seen all sorts of things, but never a marine on the knees like that.

The hands moved to Yumiko to help her up on her knees, only to then wrap the arms around Yumiko once more to give her a hug as well. "Oh my sweet sweet child. You bow to no one. Especially not to me.". A set of words combined into a sentence... That was aimed to ease Yumiko's need to be so formal, especially to the granny.

"You take good care of this one moonpie... You have a good one..." "Oh come on granny... It's not like that" the two exchanged a few words between each other, when suddenly, comically out of thin air, a clothed sack that was carrying a container full of food was handed to Ryoichi... Leftovers, yes. A perfect small sack to feed both Ryoichi and Yumiko on their hard travels for at least two mealtimes... Or one... Depending on how they decide to split it. Truly a grandma's way to wish safe and good travels to her loved one... Or perhaps ones... Yes, so she hopes.

Word count::
Words: 432
Total: 9456
Yumiko
Tracker

Name : Yumiko
Epithet : Kamaitachi
Age : 26
Height : 5'5'' / 165 cm
Weight : 128 lbs. / 58 kg
Species : Human
Faction : Marine
Crew : The Guardian Knights
Ship : The Grand Steamer
Marine Rank : Petty Officer
Crew Role : First Mate
Devil Fruit : Ita Ita no Mi, Model: Kamaitachi
Haki Level : 3
Hitpoints (HP) : 220
Attack (ATK) : 305
Defense (DEF) : 135
Reflex (RX) : 250
Willpower (WP) : 240
Level : 34
Experience Points : 3438
Quality Score : S+
Income Multiplier : +13%
Berries Berries : 42,666,800
[[baneoftheweak]][[dragonheart]][[childofdestiny]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]
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Turf : Minion Island;
Posts : 280
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[Episode] Dinner's Served! - Page 3 Empty Re: [Episode] Dinner's Served!

Sun Jun 20, 2021 2:13 pm
Foreign traditions continued to baffle the samurai. Instead of being told how she could repay the kindness, she was instead given... a hug...? The gentle gesture stirred memories buried deep, longing she didn’t quite understand. Unable to form a coherent response, she just stayed frozen in silent shock.

Conflicting ideas clashed like blades inside the swordswoman’s head. On one hand, she was honor-bound to repay her debts... Yet on the other hand, the honorable elder had clearly denied repayment. Sparks flew with each imaginary strike. Yes, no, but what if, and yet... Back and forth, the conflict raged.

Yumiko snapped out her stupor when she caught Ryoichi’s sudden comment. She blinked. Once. Twice. Wait, what wasn’t ‘like that’? In the depths of her mind, she took a running start and leapt beautifully into conclusions. This could only mean one thing!

Like a spring, the woman sprung back onto her feet. Her looming shadow crept upon the boxer, eyes gleaming like embers. The desire to know more burned intensely. “Sir Ayugai.” Her curt comment cut across the air. “What do thou mean by ‘not like that’?” Sharpened by odd anxiety, each word came out more sharply than intended.

Even as the bear accepted the parting gift, the Commander would not relent. With each word, she drew closer, until she was practically pressing against him. “Do thou not see me as thy comrade?? Am I not worthy???” Goodbye, personal space.

Beneath the samurai’s icy, intense stare glimmered genuine worry. Lately, her comrades had been acting somewhat distant. Like they were avoiding her. Whenever she suggested a fun and useful pastime, such as training sword swings until sunrise, people always refused. As their commanding officer, it was her duty to take care of them. She could not forgive herself for losing the trust of even a single subordinate.

Words: 305
Total: 8391 | 5000
Ryoichi Ayugai
Tracker

Name : Ryoichi Ayugai
Epithet : The Boxing Bear
Age : 22
Height : 6 feet 1 inch (1.85m)
Weight : 198 lbs (95kg)
Species : Human
Faction : Marines
Crew : The Guardian Knights
Ship : The Grand Steamer
Marine Rank : Petty Officer
Crew Role : Gunner
Devil Fruit : Kuma-Kuma no Mi (Bear-Bear Fruit) Model: Polar Bear
Haki Level : 4
Hitpoints (HP) : 235
Attack (ATK) : 250
Defense (DEF) : 220
Reflex (RX) : 270
Willpower (WP) : 270
Level : 38
Experience Points : 3813
Quality Score : B
EXP Multiplier : +10% (to all allies)
Income Multiplier : +13%
Berries Berries : 115,317,400
[[baneoftheweak]][[childofdestiny]][[punchoutguru]]
[[atkt3]][[deft2]][[rxt2]][[wpt2]]
Turf : Minion Island;
Posts : 163
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[Episode] Dinner's Served! - Page 3 Empty Re: [Episode] Dinner's Served!

Wed Jun 23, 2021 8:36 am
Yumiko's chest now against Ryoichi's... Under chest, due to the height difference. Goodbye personal space. Ryoichi couldn't help but blink as Yumiko with each question got closer to him and eventually simply being against him... Looking up at him. When the chest touched him, he couldn't help but form a slight blush around his cheeks. SO SOFT! It felt like a weird dream come true... Well almost, but that'll do.

No... No time to think about such thoughts. He is being questioned, and actually being asked valid questions. It's probably no secret to Yumiko that the comrades do not really favor her and her leadership. So the fear of possibly losing another comrade's respect could mean a big thing. This of course was far from the truth. "No no no no not like that Yumiko... I mean, Commander Yumiko... Of course, I see you as my comrade, one of the greatest. Heck, I could even call you a friend despite us having known each other for so little time. It's hard to explain here what I meant by 'not like that'" With a nerveous tone he tried to explain, his arms were on his sides, he was standing straight like a wooden blank while Yumiko was against him. His head tilted down, eyes looking straight into her eyes, a good sign of truth-telling... Like father taught him!

Of course, it probably looked extremely weird... A nervous speaking and blushing man. Granny of course was delighted to see the woman in her grandkid's life be taking the "control" and demanding answers like that. "So cute! Truly a wonderful girl you have found for yourself."

After this deadly sentence... It probably was the right time to leave. He motioned to Yumiko that it was about time to go. He waved the last time to granny before trying to hit the road... Of course, it depended on Yumiko. Will she follow him back to the docks... Or will she stop him to question him more? One way or another, she shall get all the answers she wants. "I swear to you Yumiko. I shall give all the answers to any of your questions... But on the ship... I promise." A promise to be kept, an honor of his to protect. All of that, when back on the ship.

Word count:
Words: 385
Total: 9841
Yumiko
Tracker

Name : Yumiko
Epithet : Kamaitachi
Age : 26
Height : 5'5'' / 165 cm
Weight : 128 lbs. / 58 kg
Species : Human
Faction : Marine
Crew : The Guardian Knights
Ship : The Grand Steamer
Marine Rank : Petty Officer
Crew Role : First Mate
Devil Fruit : Ita Ita no Mi, Model: Kamaitachi
Haki Level : 3
Hitpoints (HP) : 220
Attack (ATK) : 305
Defense (DEF) : 135
Reflex (RX) : 250
Willpower (WP) : 240
Level : 34
Experience Points : 3438
Quality Score : S+
Income Multiplier : +13%
Berries Berries : 42,666,800
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Turf : Minion Island;
Posts : 280
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[Episode] Dinner's Served! - Page 3 Empty Re: [Episode] Dinner's Served!

Wed Jun 23, 2021 10:27 am
First there was denial... Then outright disrespect. The Commander’s cold gaze cracked beneath the sheer weight of shock. No subordinate had ever addressed her so casually. The very idea of addressing a superior so directly was completely alien to her. Unthinkable even. In fact, most never even spoke her name. She was only Commander to them. As was proper.

Despite Ryoichi’s best backpedaling, the damage had already been done. Yumiko’s brow furrowed and lips thinned into a tight line. “Thou are avoiding the original question, Petty Officer.” She stared up at him, unflinching and unblinking.

To make matters worse, the honored elder, yet again, slashed the samurai with a particular word. Her attention immediately darted onto the old woman. Fury boiled within her, begging to be released as a torrent of heated words. Yet her honor shackled her mouth shut. Nay, she could not... Would not snap at the honored elder, no matter what.

Yumiko swallowed the bubbling indignation and backed off. She had picked up on Ryoichi’s hints that it was time to depart. He... had stopped calling her Commander... Again. She could feel his former respect slipping like sand through her fingers. A mask of icy composure hid her roiling emotions once again. “...So be it.” The comment came with all the warmth of a winter storm.

The samurai stepped past the boxer and his grandmother, marching out the door. “Farewell.” ...Only to quietly return a couple of seconds later to retrieve her sandals. Now, properly dressed, she marched out again. An eerily howling whirlwind formed around her and whisked her high into the sky. While her comrades were free to do as they pleased, until this sure-leaf ended, she was returning back to the ship.

Perhaps one day the distraught Commander would get the answers she so desperately chased...

But not today.

Words: 305
Total: 8896 | 5000
Gray
The Conqueror / Black Fist
Tracker

Name : Gray Starks
Epithet : The Conqueror / Black Fist
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" / 310 cm
Weight : 1043 lbs / 473 kg
Species : Human Cyborg
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Haki Level : 10
[[haoasc]][[busoasc]][[kenbunasc]]
Hitpoints (HP) : 750
Attack (ATK) : 800
Defense (DEF) : 600
Reflex (RX) : 715
Willpower (WP) : 650
Level : 100
Prestige : 8
Experience Points : 18000
Bounty : 5,000,000,000
EXP Multiplier : +10% (to all allies)
Income Multiplier : +20%
Shop Discount : -30%
Berries Berries : 25,000,000,000
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Posts : 2883
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[Episode] Dinner's Served! - Page 3 Empty Quest Grading

Fri Oct 29, 2021 8:45 am

GRADING


ASSESSMENT COMMENTS
Ryoichi Ayugai:

+ [Heck no, he already had slept so hard his face looks like he had been hit with a pillow.] Was it a pillow filled with rocks?

+ [So many questions!] So many questions indeed. I'm sensing a slight personality change in Ryoichi (which is okay if it's intentional). He seems to be more jittery and inquisitive now.

+ [Back to the conversation though!... Who disturbs the conversation? How could one let that slide like this?... It is time to continue with the conversation, again... He did manage to answer all of Yumiko's questions? Right? Maybe he missed something? Eh, Yumiko will remind him if he did so.] I'm seeing some influences from Maxwell's writing style. It's good to learn from others and try new things, so, I encourage experimenting. But, note that Maxwell has perfected this style. Misuse of these types of questions and comments from the narrator actually hurt more than help.

+ [Weirdly, to his surprise, all it took was to simply ask Yumiko. Straight forward... No beating around the bush... And many of his questions that he had in his head got the answers. Why was it a surprise though? Well simply because Ryoichi had not imagined she would reveal her reasons that simply. Having displayed herself as a fairly strict worker, she has also displayed herself as a fairly conservative in Ryoichi's eyes, holding back from talking that much... Perhaps Ryoichi is in the wrong with thinking that? Or perhaps she is opening herself up more? Questions for another day surely.] Long-winded internal debates like this rarely add value to your plot or character.

+ [He nods his head a bit as Yumiko bluntly but fairly openly answered the questions, he couldn't help but cast a soft smile towards her.] Do your best to be consistent with your tense. Generally, you should be writing your stories in past tense Makes sense, right? Stories are usually told after they've happened.

+ [One would have expected more members of the crew to have the permission to leave ashore, but in reality, it was just twelve people, including Ryoichi himself and of course, commander Yumiko.] Generally, with shore leaves, you only leave behind a handful of soldiers on duty to watch the ship. It would be inefficient to only give shore leave to a small portion of the crew (assuming the crew is a lot bigger than 12).

+ [It was time to proceed out from the trading area, with whoever was willing to keep on following.] The word you might've been looking for here is "market".

+ [This was the stall that was selling Ryoichi's "memorabilia" from his boxing days!] An interesting turn of events, I like it!

+ Classic adorable granny. Love her already.

+ [A heavy sigh was released at this whole ordeal.] You use passive voice a lot when you're describing a character's actions. Generally, you should try to use active voice to describe characters' actions.

+ [Noticed by senpai!] We bring to you a new episode of "Everybody loves Yumiko!" Today's episode is called "Everybody loves The Bear who loves Yumiko!"

+ [Time "flies" fast when you are "enjoying" yourself, but it was really a time to keep on moving.] Those double quotes are misleading because they imply you're being sarcastic or using euphemisms - which, I don't think you are.

+ [Time "flies" fast when you are "enjoying" yourself, but it was really a time to keep on moving. After about ten minutes of trying to not be stomped by the fans, he began to try and keep on moving through the crowd to finally proceed to their next destination. "Sorry! Excuse us! We really need to keep on moving!". Without even thinking of it, his hand weirdly and automatically just moved towards Yumiko's hand, from which he tried to grab and begin to move away with her. "Crew! Let's keep moving!".] Be careful with repeating phrases in close proximity. They can be quite distracting. There are rare cases where repeated phrases can add appropriate emphasis to an action or a situation. This was not one of those cases.

+ [And the cherry on top of it all. It was about the time when Ryoichi finally had noticed what he had done. With widened and full of surprise face, he had finally come to realize that he had held the hand of Yumiko this entire time! This can't be good.

He immediately let the hand go off Yumiko... Only to then follow with something that might bring even more shame and misunderstanding, depending on how people decide to look at it.

He immediately tried to begin to move his hands on Yumiko's roughed up dirty robes and hair and possibly face, frantically trying to remove the junk that had come along with her from the alleyway, and if able to manage to remove it, very very gently trying to slap the dust off from her robes.] Some of your paragraphs can be unnecessarily long. Paragraphs rarely, if ever, need to be this chunky. The above excerpt was all one paragraph when it could've been split in three as shown here.

Also, that last sentence is an example of how some of your sentences can run too long. I recommend getting in the habit of reading your sentences aloud.


+ ["What? Ice cream is cold... I am trying to warm it up a tiny bit so it wouldn't be so cold in my mouth."] A polar bear who can't handle some cold ice cream? Now that is shocking.

+ [He will never know when he is able to come to visit again... And if ever at that.] But why? Is he going to die? Marines do get leave, ya know?
Yumiko:

+ [...And had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she, personally, didn’t like crowds.] Absolutely nothing.

+ [Sir Helmsman is the one truly deserving of thy thanks. This one simply turned his decision into an order.] Someone ate a bit too much of the humble pie.

+ [coin-cells...] Ah yes, this is what happens when one lacks a few brain-cells.

+ [Time had a habit of slipping by when one was distracted.] Exactly why this grading is happening so late.

+ [Did... did they bring him their belongings so he could write his name on them...? The local customs continued to baffle her with their incredible strangeness.] Yumiko is not alone in finding such concepts strange.

+ [And a full set of fishbone got tangled up in her hair.] Unfortunate, considering Ryoichi is bringing his girlfriend home to introduce her to the folks.

+ [The ensuing exchange resembled a convoluted game of pattycake. Every attempt to brush her clothing, hair or face was deflected with the sheathed weapon. A series of awkward baps and pats trailed the air.] Hah! It's alright, we can just say Ryoichi was warming up for boxing practice.

+ [Her sharp hearing had caught the man calling the old lady by some strange, foreign term...] Fun fact - "Nana" means "maternal grandfather" in my mother tongue. Imagine my befuddlement (and later - amusement) when I first heard that word being used to refer to a grandparent in a western context.

+ [boiled, steamed, mashed and stewed...] If this was a reference, well done.

+ RNGesus must not have heard of the phrase "all good things come in threes". Two HT-combos missed in a row with the exact same numbers. I feel your pain.

+ [A doctor, even a dishonest one...] Always love a good self-reference.
Overall:

+ Hah! I love that you guys turned the feast into a boss fight.

+ This was a fun little episode overall, but, I would've liked to see some more character development for Ryoichi and Nana. I liked nana at the start but she felt one-dimensional after a while. I was hoping to see her initial disdain for "another woman in Ryoichi's life" played up some more.

+ Yumiko was a treat to read as always. Her struggles with foreign cultures continue to change her ever so slightly - or at least they continue to make her more tolerant towards them. Don't tell her I said that.

+ I'm glad to see you're continuing to learn and experiment with your writing, Karl. It's a long road ahead, but, if you keep at it, you'll find the right style for you.




REWARDS

Ryoichi Ayugai:

Difficulty Bonus: +25% (+1)
Quality Bonus: +50% (B)
Length Bonus: 1.97 (9,841 words)
Apology Bonus: +75% (For the long wait.)
Thank you Bonus: +75% (For burning the midnight oil while pretty much everyone else slept.)
EXP Multiplier: +0%
Income Multiplier: +13%

Ryoichi Ayugai EXP: +321 (1.97*50)*(1+0.25+0.5+0+0.75+0.75)
Yumiko EXP: +423 (1.78*50)*(1+0+2.25+0+0.75+0.75)
Berries: +34,957,650 (1.97*21*250k)*(1+0.25+0.5+0.13+0.75+0.75)



Old EXP: 1822
Updated EXP: 2566 (Please let me know where you would like to distribute your 140 stat points.)

Old balance: 13,223,000
Updated balance: 48,180,650

Yumiko:

Difficulty Bonus: +0% (+0)
Quality Bonus: +225% (S+)
Length Bonus: 1.78 (8,896 words)
Apology Bonus: +75% (For the long wait.)
Thank you Bonus: +75% (For burning the midnight oil while pretty much everyone else slept.)
EXP Multiplier: +0%
Income Multiplier: +13%

Berries: +82,520,800 (1.78*38*250k)*(1+0+2.25+0.13+0.75+0.75)




Old balance: 10,896,000
Updated balance: 93,416,800




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