[Episode] Message!
2 posters
- Ryoichi Ayugai
- [tracker=/t1576-ryoichi-ayugai#8716]
Name : Ryoichi Ayugai
Epithet : The Boxing Bear
Age : 22
Height : 6 feet 1 inch (1.85m)
Weight : 198 lbs (95kg)
Species/Tribe : Human
Faction : Marines
Crew : Blue Fist Academy
Ship : SSS Rocky
Marine Rank : Rear Admiral
Crew Role : Grandmaster
Devil Fruit : Kuma-Kuma no Mi (Bear-Bear Fruit) Model: Polar Bear
Quality Score : A
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.15 (Rear Admiral); 0.20 (to all allies)
Crew Pool : [bel=u] 50,000,000
Balance : [bel] 485,600,807
[[baneoftheweak]][[dreamsneverdie]][[childofdestiny]][[punchoutguru]][[berryprinter]]
[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 316
[Episode] Message!
Thu Sep 21, 2023 3:57 pm
- Episode description:
- Name: Message!
Category: Episode
Player Participants: Ryoichi Ayugai (+0)
Planned Location(s): North Blue, Notice, Small town on the East side of the island
Planned Time Range: A few days between 10th of April 1829 and 20th of April 1829
Summary: It has been close to a month since Ryoichi had submitted his unsatisfied 'resignation' from the Marines and the Guardian Knights. Since then he had returned to the one place he felt the most welcome to, his home back on Notice.
Over the course of the month, he has been knee-deep in helping his father train the youngsters and a couple of up-and-coming 'stars' in the local gym. His usual daily routine gets disrupted by the arrival of a marine ship bearing two officers eager to deliver Ryoichi something... A message.Combat Encounters
@Ryoichi Ayugai
[discordthread=https://discord.com/channels/260564262446039064/1179887937341620354]Ryoichi Ayugai vs +0 Boss[/discordthread]
"Clackclackclackclackclackclackclackclack" a tongue stuck out of the Den Den alarm and began to flap it all around, creating an annoying sound, as if it was mocking something or someone. The alarm clock was there to wake people up, and once it succeeds it, immediately gets smacked silent.
[plyr=navy]"Hmmmmmh... I really need to get it fixed."[/plyr]
The man murmured under his breath after smacking the Den Den alarm silent the moment he sat up in bed. His head turned to look out the window. The light shone through it into the man's eyes. [plyr=navy]"I see. Morning already."[/plyr] Even if he had not felt like it, he turned and put his feet down on the ground from the bed and stood up.
Slowly he made his way towards the bathroom to start his typical morning routine. [dass]The faucet was turned on and fresh water flew out of it into the sink[cmt]I recommend you research what "passive voice" is and try to avoid using it as best as you can. It can be useful in some cases, but most of the time, it disrupts the narrative flow and unnecessarily detaches from the subject performing the action.[/cmt][/dass]. The hands were doused by the water which then was splashed into the man's face, letting it refresh him and wake him up even more.
The wet hands rested on the sink and the head rose to set his gaze into the mirror that was in front of him. The man named Ryoichi took a long hard look at himself, his tired-looking, a bit skinnier self, with the strands of hair covering his forehead and some of the rest of his face.
[dass]For a month, it has been the same scene. He wakes up, washes his face, and looks in the mirror...[cmt]Be careful not to switch to the present tense in the middle of your narration where you're using past tense. Doing so can be effective, but only when you know how to use it properly. Using present tense places your narrator at a specific moment in time, which is generally not a good idea.[/cmt][/dass] Disgusted. And yet, he can't bring himself to return to the service of the Marines. His retirement request was not satisfied, so he found the second-best thing... And untimed time off. He knew he deserved it.
He shut the faucet, grabbed the towel to dry himself, and left the bathroom to find some clothes to put on. The last business in order to get himself ready for the day was to tie his loose hair into a knot on the back of his head.
Meanwhile on the sea
[npc=navy]"Let the captain know! Land ahoy!"[/npc] a shout came from the top of the watch tower reaching down to the main deck for a marine to receive the message, and then immediately deliver it to the captain.
A saluting messenger would deliver the message to the captain of the ship. [npc=navy]"Missus Captain! We are approaching the land!"[/npc]
A smirk appeared on the woman's face who turned her chair around towards the messenger, gazing at him with her grayish eyes. "Good, cannot wait to get this over with... My whip is ready."
[430/430/5000]
- Ryoichi Ayugai
- [tracker=/t1576-ryoichi-ayugai#8716]
Name : Ryoichi Ayugai
Epithet : The Boxing Bear
Age : 22
Height : 6 feet 1 inch (1.85m)
Weight : 198 lbs (95kg)
Species/Tribe : Human
Faction : Marines
Crew : Blue Fist Academy
Ship : SSS Rocky
Marine Rank : Rear Admiral
Crew Role : Grandmaster
Devil Fruit : Kuma-Kuma no Mi (Bear-Bear Fruit) Model: Polar Bear
Quality Score : A
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.15 (Rear Admiral); 0.20 (to all allies)
Crew Pool : [bel=u] 50,000,000
Balance : [bel] 485,600,807
[[baneoftheweak]][[dreamsneverdie]][[childofdestiny]][[punchoutguru]][[berryprinter]]
[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 316
Re: [Episode] Message!
Mon Sep 25, 2023 3:17 pm
"Rudolf! Fetch me the letter!" With a posh tone the woman ordered her Ensign to bring what she was ordered to deliver. She stood up, adjusted her skirt, followed by her tie, and then grabbed her white Captain coat which had "Justice" written on the back of it in black ink.
She left the room out onto the open deck, where multiple marines saluted at the sight of what one could call a stunningly beautiful and posh-looking woman.
Some uttered in slight fear, others were brave enough to cheer at her 'entrance' onto the deck. "CAPTAIN STENHAM!".
The whip lashed out onto the deck floor, making the noise echo all over the ship even though the sea breeze tried to silence it. It inflicted fear... But also weird comfort in some of the utterly shameless seamen. But the captain was stern and loud to announce why the whip was lashed out.
"It's Missus Captain Stenham! Missus Captain Lucinda Stenham!"
"Rough, rough, Missus Captain, very very rough."
The deck trembled as the deep voice replied to Captain Stenham's very specific instruction on how she should be called. But the deck did not tremble to the deep voice, it trembled at each step the burly man took to arrive on the main deck from the lower levels.
"Know your place, Lieutenant Iwamoto."
"You know you can just call me Daichi, we graduated together after all."
Daichi who had emerged from the lower decks easily towered over everyone on the ship in size, both height and width, and even in weight. Captain Stenham barely reached the height of Daichi's waist herself.
"Would it kill you to wear more clothes? You look like you came off the rice field." Lucinda's comments were directed at Daichi's attire he had chosen to wear at this very moment and all the time before since gaining the rank of Ensign back in the day. Daichi wore nothing but his red Mawashi which had the Marine emblem on it and his Lieutenant coat which had 'Justice' written on the back of it, just like it does for Lucinda's Captain coat.
Daichi was not bothered by the comment at all, instead, he simply took a sip of miso soup from the bowl he was carrying in his hand. Lucinda rolled her eyes at the ignored question, not even whipping on the 'disobedience'.
As the land got closer, the Ensign finally arrived at Captain Stenham with a rectangular box and a letter attached to the top of it. [dass]"Here you go, Missus Captain Stenham." "Good. Hold it for me please, Rudolf, and don't lose it." "Y...Yes! Missus Captain Stenham!"[cmt]When you have a back-and-forth dialogue exchange, it's best to break up each dialogue into its own paragraph. It makes the conversation flow smoother and easier to read.[/cmt][/dass] the Ensign stuttered a bit and held onto the package with dear life. The boy seemed to have a harsh past with packages.
"Ah, good morning Ryoichi. I made some sandwiches from fresh bread." A bright smile appeared on the barely middle-aged woman's face who stood in the kitchen. She placed the plate with two sandwiches and a glass of milk on the table for Ryoichi, ready for him to chow down on the food.
Ryoichi let out a soft sigh, [dass]not because he was not happy about what his mother had just done for him this morning, but more at the fact that he found she did not have to do this[cmt]You're basically already expressing that through the dialogue that follows. It's best to avoid padding like this in your narration. Keep it clean and trim the fat.[/cmt][/dass]. [plyr=navy]"Thank you Mother, but you did not have to do this. I could have had the breakfast myself."[/plyr] "And have what, raw eggs again? For them to be of any use you have to train as well."
Ryoichi turned his head away from his mother, grabbed a sandwich, and took a bite out of it. After swallowing the first bite, he did not look at his mother but did ask her. [plyr=navy]"Father already left?"[/plyr] "He did, yes. Another small set of new possible prospects. You know, you truly inspired the youth here."
[dass]Ryoichi downed the first sandwich, took a sip of milk, and then looked at his mother and the comment she had made[cmt]You still tend to over-describe a lot of your actions. This could simply have been written as...
[/cmt][/dass]. [plyr=navy]"In what aspect?"[/plyr].
With a bright smile that could light up the room, Ryoichi's mother simply responded to the question. "In both of them."
Ryoichi [dass]downed the remaining milk[cmt]You already used "downed" two paragraphs ago. Switch up your diction. This could've been written as "finished the milk."
If you wanna improve it even more, you can get a bit creative with some imagery like so...
[742/1172/5000]
She left the room out onto the open deck, where multiple marines saluted at the sight of what one could call a stunningly beautiful and posh-looking woman.
Some uttered in slight fear, others were brave enough to cheer at her 'entrance' onto the deck. "CAPTAIN STENHAM!".
The whip lashed out onto the deck floor, making the noise echo all over the ship even though the sea breeze tried to silence it. It inflicted fear... But also weird comfort in some of the utterly shameless seamen. But the captain was stern and loud to announce why the whip was lashed out.
"It's Missus Captain Stenham! Missus Captain Lucinda Stenham!"
- 'Captain' Lucinda Stenham:
Franziska Von Karma from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
"Rough, rough, Missus Captain, very very rough."
The deck trembled as the deep voice replied to Captain Stenham's very specific instruction on how she should be called. But the deck did not tremble to the deep voice, it trembled at each step the burly man took to arrive on the main deck from the lower levels.
"Know your place, Lieutenant Iwamoto."
"You know you can just call me Daichi, we graduated together after all."
- 'Lieutenant' Daichi Iwamoto:
Kuze SÅsuke from Hinomaru Zumou
Daichi who had emerged from the lower decks easily towered over everyone on the ship in size, both height and width, and even in weight. Captain Stenham barely reached the height of Daichi's waist herself.
"Would it kill you to wear more clothes? You look like you came off the rice field." Lucinda's comments were directed at Daichi's attire he had chosen to wear at this very moment and all the time before since gaining the rank of Ensign back in the day. Daichi wore nothing but his red Mawashi which had the Marine emblem on it and his Lieutenant coat which had 'Justice' written on the back of it, just like it does for Lucinda's Captain coat.
Daichi was not bothered by the comment at all, instead, he simply took a sip of miso soup from the bowl he was carrying in his hand. Lucinda rolled her eyes at the ignored question, not even whipping on the 'disobedience'.
As the land got closer, the Ensign finally arrived at Captain Stenham with a rectangular box and a letter attached to the top of it. [dass]"Here you go, Missus Captain Stenham." "Good. Hold it for me please, Rudolf, and don't lose it." "Y...Yes! Missus Captain Stenham!"[cmt]When you have a back-and-forth dialogue exchange, it's best to break up each dialogue into its own paragraph. It makes the conversation flow smoother and easier to read.[/cmt][/dass] the Ensign stuttered a bit and held onto the package with dear life. The boy seemed to have a harsh past with packages.
Meanwhile back on Notice
"Ah, good morning Ryoichi. I made some sandwiches from fresh bread." A bright smile appeared on the barely middle-aged woman's face who stood in the kitchen. She placed the plate with two sandwiches and a glass of milk on the table for Ryoichi, ready for him to chow down on the food.
Ryoichi let out a soft sigh, [dass]not because he was not happy about what his mother had just done for him this morning, but more at the fact that he found she did not have to do this[cmt]You're basically already expressing that through the dialogue that follows. It's best to avoid padding like this in your narration. Keep it clean and trim the fat.[/cmt][/dass]. [plyr=navy]"Thank you Mother, but you did not have to do this. I could have had the breakfast myself."[/plyr] "And have what, raw eggs again? For them to be of any use you have to train as well."
Ryoichi turned his head away from his mother, grabbed a sandwich, and took a bite out of it. After swallowing the first bite, he did not look at his mother but did ask her. [plyr=navy]"Father already left?"[/plyr] "He did, yes. Another small set of new possible prospects. You know, you truly inspired the youth here."
[dass]Ryoichi downed the first sandwich, took a sip of milk, and then looked at his mother and the comment she had made[cmt]You still tend to over-describe a lot of your actions. This could simply have been written as...
Over-describing actions can hurt your prose and make the writing somewhat tedious to read.Ryoichi downed the sandwich, sipped some milk, and turned back to his mother.
[/cmt][/dass]. [plyr=navy]"In what aspect?"[/plyr].
With a bright smile that could light up the room, Ryoichi's mother simply responded to the question. "In both of them."
Ryoichi [dass]downed the remaining milk[cmt]You already used "downed" two paragraphs ago. Switch up your diction. This could've been written as "finished the milk."
If you wanna improve it even more, you can get a bit creative with some imagery like so...
[/cmt][/dass], grabbed the leftover sandwich, stood up, and moved toward the exit of the house. Before leaving the building, he murmured something under his breath. [plyr=navy]"Perhaps they should be taught of the harsh reality of both of those aspects..."[/plyr]...emptied the glass of milk into his stomach...
[742/1172/5000]
- Ryoichi Ayugai
- [tracker=/t1576-ryoichi-ayugai#8716]
Name : Ryoichi Ayugai
Epithet : The Boxing Bear
Age : 22
Height : 6 feet 1 inch (1.85m)
Weight : 198 lbs (95kg)
Species/Tribe : Human
Faction : Marines
Crew : Blue Fist Academy
Ship : SSS Rocky
Marine Rank : Rear Admiral
Crew Role : Grandmaster
Devil Fruit : Kuma-Kuma no Mi (Bear-Bear Fruit) Model: Polar Bear
Quality Score : A
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.15 (Rear Admiral); 0.20 (to all allies)
Crew Pool : [bel=u] 50,000,000
Balance : [bel] 485,600,807
[[baneoftheweak]][[dreamsneverdie]][[childofdestiny]][[punchoutguru]][[berryprinter]]
[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 316
Re: [Episode] Message!
Mon Oct 02, 2023 2:29 pm
The door shut after Ryoichi. He stuffed his face with the remainder of the sandwich he had grabbed from the plate and walked away from the house. It was yet again another nice and sunny day on the island of Notice. Definitely not the mood setting for Ryoichi.
The weather was trying its hardest to make him smile and enjoy it... But the man was lacking the motivation for it. Once the sandwich had been devoured, the hands were pocketed and Ryoichi began to stroll away from the house towards the nearby village.
It did not take long until Ryoichi was met by a couple of greetings. For the people of the village, he is almost like their main celebrity, one of the greatest stars to ever come out of it. Fortunately for Ryoichi, the star-struck nature of the villagers has died down over the course of the month to a simple greeting. It is back to as if he was just a normal villager... And he could not be happier about it. It's a peaceful life.
Things however were different in the local gym.
Once the door opened, all eyes were on Ryoichi. The training stopped for a brief moment. Everything came to a standstill... Until a loud greeting echoed in the entire Gym building. "GOOD MORNING! CHAMPION!"
He covered his face with his palm. Every day since he started going to the gym to help out his father, he is being greeted as a champion... Ryoichi certainly was not feeling like a champion, and that was his own doing for trying to sweep away that pride and downplay himself.
He waved his hand a bit and murmured to himself. [plyr=navy]"Someone is playing some trick with me."[/plyr]
"You are late again!" One could call it almost a split image of Ryoichi with the same slightly chiseled facial features, except with shorter dark hair with strands of gray in it, a beard with the same features as the hair, and a bit fewer muscles... And a wheelchair.
[plyr=navy]"I know pop... I know."[/plyr] "Didn't they teach you punctuality in the school?" [plyr=navy]"We are not in the navy..."[/plyr] "And yet the same principals of discipline remain while training to become the best even outside the navy!" [plyr=navy]"Just... What do you need me to do?"[/plyr]
Ryoichi decided to end the argument and ask what to do. The father was not really happy about it, he clearly wanted to talk everything through, but to avoid causing further scenes himself, he pointed at the storage room of the Gym. "Go grab the spit buckets, we got plenty of sparring today."
With a simple nod, Ryoichi went for the buckets in the storage room.
Meanwhile.
Ryoichi's father, Shun, rolled back towards the new enthusiastic 'recruits' who stood in the line as if they were in the marine school, some eager to learn from the man who trained the Boxing Bear himself, some for their own personal reasons. One of the lads was especially enthusiastic, talking with each and every one of the people who stood next to him in the line.
Some did not mind it, some liked it... A slight few found it annoying, and yet, those who were annoyed did not say a thing. The smile that followed every enthusiastic word could brighten up the room. "You have no idea how excited I am! To be able to learn from the best like that! Do you think the Bear will give us an autograph? Are you excited? Or you? Or you? I could not help myself I even brought the Gi with me!"
"QUIET!"
Everyone fell into the line, even the enthusiastic one. The wheelchaired man pointed at the enthusiastic kid. "You, enthusiastic one. What's your name?" The eyes lit up and the smile widened. The trainer of a man, no less, a father of his, whom the young man idolized, asked him what his name was! With excitement, he answered.
"Amadeus! Sir! Pleased to meet you!"
"Right, Amadeus... What are you doing with your Gi?" "Those are my training clothes, sir!" The trainer asked, and the student answered, loud and clear. The wheelchaired man could not help but keep inquiring about the young man. He did, after all, stand out from the rest.
"Everyone else, ten-minute run around the building! Mister Gi boy, you towards the boxing bag."
"OH! A one-on-one lesson with the best?! Exciting!" With the lit-up eyes, Amadeus went towards the closest sandbag, meanwhile, the rest of the students left the gym building to run around. Ryoichi's father rolled up next to the sandbag with a slight grin.
"Now... Let's see what you got."
[774/1946/5000]
The weather was trying its hardest to make him smile and enjoy it... But the man was lacking the motivation for it. Once the sandwich had been devoured, the hands were pocketed and Ryoichi began to stroll away from the house towards the nearby village.
It did not take long until Ryoichi was met by a couple of greetings. For the people of the village, he is almost like their main celebrity, one of the greatest stars to ever come out of it. Fortunately for Ryoichi, the star-struck nature of the villagers has died down over the course of the month to a simple greeting. It is back to as if he was just a normal villager... And he could not be happier about it. It's a peaceful life.
Things however were different in the local gym.
Once the door opened, all eyes were on Ryoichi. The training stopped for a brief moment. Everything came to a standstill... Until a loud greeting echoed in the entire Gym building. "GOOD MORNING! CHAMPION!"
He covered his face with his palm. Every day since he started going to the gym to help out his father, he is being greeted as a champion... Ryoichi certainly was not feeling like a champion, and that was his own doing for trying to sweep away that pride and downplay himself.
He waved his hand a bit and murmured to himself. [plyr=navy]"Someone is playing some trick with me."[/plyr]
"You are late again!" One could call it almost a split image of Ryoichi with the same slightly chiseled facial features, except with shorter dark hair with strands of gray in it, a beard with the same features as the hair, and a bit fewer muscles... And a wheelchair.
- Ryoichi's father, Shun Ayugai:
[plyr=navy]"I know pop... I know."[/plyr] "Didn't they teach you punctuality in the school?" [plyr=navy]"We are not in the navy..."[/plyr] "And yet the same principals of discipline remain while training to become the best even outside the navy!" [plyr=navy]"Just... What do you need me to do?"[/plyr]
Ryoichi decided to end the argument and ask what to do. The father was not really happy about it, he clearly wanted to talk everything through, but to avoid causing further scenes himself, he pointed at the storage room of the Gym. "Go grab the spit buckets, we got plenty of sparring today."
With a simple nod, Ryoichi went for the buckets in the storage room.
Meanwhile.
Ryoichi's father, Shun, rolled back towards the new enthusiastic 'recruits' who stood in the line as if they were in the marine school, some eager to learn from the man who trained the Boxing Bear himself, some for their own personal reasons. One of the lads was especially enthusiastic, talking with each and every one of the people who stood next to him in the line.
Some did not mind it, some liked it... A slight few found it annoying, and yet, those who were annoyed did not say a thing. The smile that followed every enthusiastic word could brighten up the room. "You have no idea how excited I am! To be able to learn from the best like that! Do you think the Bear will give us an autograph? Are you excited? Or you? Or you? I could not help myself I even brought the Gi with me!"
"QUIET!"
Everyone fell into the line, even the enthusiastic one. The wheelchaired man pointed at the enthusiastic kid. "You, enthusiastic one. What's your name?" The eyes lit up and the smile widened. The trainer of a man, no less, a father of his, whom the young man idolized, asked him what his name was! With excitement, he answered.
"Amadeus! Sir! Pleased to meet you!"
- Amadeus:
"Right, Amadeus... What are you doing with your Gi?" "Those are my training clothes, sir!" The trainer asked, and the student answered, loud and clear. The wheelchaired man could not help but keep inquiring about the young man. He did, after all, stand out from the rest.
"Everyone else, ten-minute run around the building! Mister Gi boy, you towards the boxing bag."
"OH! A one-on-one lesson with the best?! Exciting!" With the lit-up eyes, Amadeus went towards the closest sandbag, meanwhile, the rest of the students left the gym building to run around. Ryoichi's father rolled up next to the sandbag with a slight grin.
"Now... Let's see what you got."
[774/1946/5000]
- Ryoichi Ayugai
- [tracker=/t1576-ryoichi-ayugai#8716]
Name : Ryoichi Ayugai
Epithet : The Boxing Bear
Age : 22
Height : 6 feet 1 inch (1.85m)
Weight : 198 lbs (95kg)
Species/Tribe : Human
Faction : Marines
Crew : Blue Fist Academy
Ship : SSS Rocky
Marine Rank : Rear Admiral
Crew Role : Grandmaster
Devil Fruit : Kuma-Kuma no Mi (Bear-Bear Fruit) Model: Polar Bear
Quality Score : A
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.15 (Rear Admiral); 0.20 (to all allies)
Crew Pool : [bel=u] 50,000,000
Balance : [bel] 485,600,807
[[baneoftheweak]][[dreamsneverdie]][[childofdestiny]][[punchoutguru]][[berryprinter]]
[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 316
Re: [Episode] Message!
Sat Oct 07, 2023 2:35 pm
The Gym was as lively as it was always on the weekdays. The sound of grunting, yelling, punching, running, dropping weights, and skipping rope slapping the ground could be easily heard outside the building walls by those who pass by.
While people were busy pushing themselves to the limits, Ryoichi was placing the spit buckets on each starting corner of the ring. Once he had taken a step away from the ring, the two who were waiting for the buckets to arrive could finally start their sparring session. An elderly man stood by the ringside and began to yell out the instructions to both of the fighters.
"Hey Champ! I need some help, lean on the bag for me will ya?"
Despite having assumed the position of a helper in the gym, it was actually one of the most important jobs there was. The trainers handed the instructions, showed things... The students learned and honed their skills, but it was also the helpers who gave the tools of success to the students.
Ryoichi arrived at the sandbag and leaned against it using his arms as a support. It was then that the student began to punch the bag. The punches were solid, but not solid enough to even move Ryoichi from the spot. [ass=This is padding and could've been removed from the sentence.]While the punches happened[/ass], Ryoichi could not help but take a glance at the stance as every punch landed in the sandbag.
[plyr=navy]"Try not to lower that blocking hand when you use the other one to punch."[/plyr]
The student nodded his head, and immediately readjusted himself to continue punching, leading Ryoichi to once more take his sight off of that one, only to redirect it to a duo that was two bags away from them... His father and the young lad in Gi.
Young lad Amadeus assumed an unusual stance. It was wide with one hand in front, bent up from the elbow, other behind, bent up as well. The fingers did not assume the normal balled fist, instead, only the middle finger knuckles bent, forming the half balls of the fist.
Following the stance was a rather quick punch into the sandbag in front of him. The force behind it was good, but it was clear that whatever stance he used was not meant to produce much force, but rather focused on the speed.
A heavy sigh left Ryoichi's father. The index finger and thumb rubbed his forehead while his eyes were closed. "At least the wrist was straight... But the rest. Perhaps it's fit for the Wing Chun dummy... But not for the sandbag. Boxing is about using your legs and body to produce enough power to throw the punches. It is not only about the arms power. I sensed minimal power from this one."
Amadeus chuckled nerveously while scratching the back of his head. "Sorry sorry! Old habits kick in, I've spent a while studying the Leopard style." Ryoichi's father nodded understandingly. His disappointment faded a bit from the initial showing. "Very well. Let's give it another go. Ball the fingers into the fist, bring them both to your cheeks, and keep the wrists straight. Keep the elbows close to your body."
While Ryoichi's father handed out the instructions, he himself in his wheelchair followed them, and so did Amadeus. "What about the stance?" "We don't worry about that, basics first. Now, when you throw the punch, you move the elbow away from the body, the fist moves forward, and right when you are about to land a punch, you twist the wrist so the knuckles face up. And then BAM!" [dass]the fist was thrown forward with a punch[cmt]I noticed that you don't capitalize the first letter after ending a dialogue with an exclamation point. This is incorrect. It should be "The fist", not "the fist". The only time you don't wanna do this is when you're ending the dialogue with a soft break (such as a comma or a semi-colon). And you only use commas to end dialogue when you're appending a dialogue tag after it (e.g. "Have a nice day," he said.)[/cmt][/dass].
"Now you do it, try it." Amadeus assumed the regular stance with both feet standing on the same line about shoulder width. "Almost like in Karate." Amadeus remarked with a bright smile. He would then throw the punch into the sandbag as he was instructed. It moved a bit, less than it did with his Leopard style.
"Keep at it, just like that!" Ryoichi's father rolled away from Amadeus and the boxing bag, moving back to the rest of the newbies who had finally finished their run, only to then teach them the same basics as he had to Amadeus.
Ryoichi only managed to take his sight off of 'his' student for a few moments until mistakes had returned. The guard had dropped... And the punches felt sluggish. Ryoichi threw a gentle slap at the student's unguarded head as he was throwing a punch at the bag.
"Hey! What the heck?!"
[plyr=navy]"Your guard was down and your wrist is not straight. Do you want to get punched and break your wrist as well?"[/plyr]
An imaginary lightbulb lit up... Someone had an idea... Perhaps sinister... Deceiving even... But an idea nonetheless.
[795/2741/5000]
While people were busy pushing themselves to the limits, Ryoichi was placing the spit buckets on each starting corner of the ring. Once he had taken a step away from the ring, the two who were waiting for the buckets to arrive could finally start their sparring session. An elderly man stood by the ringside and began to yell out the instructions to both of the fighters.
"Hey Champ! I need some help, lean on the bag for me will ya?"
Despite having assumed the position of a helper in the gym, it was actually one of the most important jobs there was. The trainers handed the instructions, showed things... The students learned and honed their skills, but it was also the helpers who gave the tools of success to the students.
Ryoichi arrived at the sandbag and leaned against it using his arms as a support. It was then that the student began to punch the bag. The punches were solid, but not solid enough to even move Ryoichi from the spot. [ass=This is padding and could've been removed from the sentence.]While the punches happened[/ass], Ryoichi could not help but take a glance at the stance as every punch landed in the sandbag.
[plyr=navy]"Try not to lower that blocking hand when you use the other one to punch."[/plyr]
The student nodded his head, and immediately readjusted himself to continue punching, leading Ryoichi to once more take his sight off of that one, only to redirect it to a duo that was two bags away from them... His father and the young lad in Gi.
Young lad Amadeus assumed an unusual stance. It was wide with one hand in front, bent up from the elbow, other behind, bent up as well. The fingers did not assume the normal balled fist, instead, only the middle finger knuckles bent, forming the half balls of the fist.
Following the stance was a rather quick punch into the sandbag in front of him. The force behind it was good, but it was clear that whatever stance he used was not meant to produce much force, but rather focused on the speed.
A heavy sigh left Ryoichi's father. The index finger and thumb rubbed his forehead while his eyes were closed. "At least the wrist was straight... But the rest. Perhaps it's fit for the Wing Chun dummy... But not for the sandbag. Boxing is about using your legs and body to produce enough power to throw the punches. It is not only about the arms power. I sensed minimal power from this one."
Amadeus chuckled nerveously while scratching the back of his head. "Sorry sorry! Old habits kick in, I've spent a while studying the Leopard style." Ryoichi's father nodded understandingly. His disappointment faded a bit from the initial showing. "Very well. Let's give it another go. Ball the fingers into the fist, bring them both to your cheeks, and keep the wrists straight. Keep the elbows close to your body."
While Ryoichi's father handed out the instructions, he himself in his wheelchair followed them, and so did Amadeus. "What about the stance?" "We don't worry about that, basics first. Now, when you throw the punch, you move the elbow away from the body, the fist moves forward, and right when you are about to land a punch, you twist the wrist so the knuckles face up. And then BAM!" [dass]the fist was thrown forward with a punch[cmt]I noticed that you don't capitalize the first letter after ending a dialogue with an exclamation point. This is incorrect. It should be "The fist", not "the fist". The only time you don't wanna do this is when you're ending the dialogue with a soft break (such as a comma or a semi-colon). And you only use commas to end dialogue when you're appending a dialogue tag after it (e.g. "Have a nice day," he said.)[/cmt][/dass].
"Now you do it, try it." Amadeus assumed the regular stance with both feet standing on the same line about shoulder width. "Almost like in Karate." Amadeus remarked with a bright smile. He would then throw the punch into the sandbag as he was instructed. It moved a bit, less than it did with his Leopard style.
"Keep at it, just like that!" Ryoichi's father rolled away from Amadeus and the boxing bag, moving back to the rest of the newbies who had finally finished their run, only to then teach them the same basics as he had to Amadeus.
Ryoichi only managed to take his sight off of 'his' student for a few moments until mistakes had returned. The guard had dropped... And the punches felt sluggish. Ryoichi threw a gentle slap at the student's unguarded head as he was throwing a punch at the bag.
"Hey! What the heck?!"
[plyr=navy]"Your guard was down and your wrist is not straight. Do you want to get punched and break your wrist as well?"[/plyr]
An imaginary lightbulb lit up... Someone had an idea... Perhaps sinister... Deceiving even... But an idea nonetheless.
[795/2741/5000]
- Ryoichi Ayugai
- [tracker=/t1576-ryoichi-ayugai#8716]
Name : Ryoichi Ayugai
Epithet : The Boxing Bear
Age : 22
Height : 6 feet 1 inch (1.85m)
Weight : 198 lbs (95kg)
Species/Tribe : Human
Faction : Marines
Crew : Blue Fist Academy
Ship : SSS Rocky
Marine Rank : Rear Admiral
Crew Role : Grandmaster
Devil Fruit : Kuma-Kuma no Mi (Bear-Bear Fruit) Model: Polar Bear
Quality Score : A
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.15 (Rear Admiral); 0.20 (to all allies)
Crew Pool : [bel=u] 50,000,000
Balance : [bel] 485,600,807
[[baneoftheweak]][[dreamsneverdie]][[childofdestiny]][[punchoutguru]][[berryprinter]]
[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 316
Re: [Episode] Message!
Mon Nov 27, 2023 12:49 pm
Ryoichi took a deep breath. He should not get worked up like that he thought. [plyr=navy]"It's a learning experience every time. We just have to make sure to stick to basics as much as we can and we will all be fine."[/plyr] to which the trainee nodded and took it into heart, followed by a couple of very solid punches into the bag. [plyr=navy]"That's it."[/plyr]
While one trainee seemed to be learning from his mistakes and progressively becoming better, the other one seemed to go from good to bad in minutes. The young-looking fellow in his white ki seemed to almost like slap the bag at this point with a limp fist.
Despite all the sounds that echoed in the gym, all the grunting, punching, running, jumping, weight dropping, and the skipping rope slapping the ground, Ryoichi's ears twitched at another slapping sound.
He motioned to his trainee to wait and left the bag alone, only to move towards the bag that was next to him.
[plyr=navy]"That certainly is a progression... Backwards."[/plyr] "Oh." Amadeus scratched the back of his head and chuckled, seemingly being somewhat embarrassed at his display. [plyr=navy]"Wrists straight, punch forward and before impact, turn the fist so the knuckles face up."[/plyr] Ryoichi displayed... And Amadeus eagerly watched... But he wanted more.
"That is awesome! Could you show it to me please?!" The absolute enthusiasm was 'suffocating' Ryoichi, but he gave in. Perhaps Amadeus will learn from the visual display.
Ryoichi motioned Amadeus to step back. He turned to face the boxing bag and prepared himself by moving his left foot forward, and right foot back, turning his upper body a bit so his left shoulder would be a bit more forward than the right shoulder. The fists raised up to his face height and elbows covered the sides of his body.
Without a moment of hesitation, Ryoichi began to land heavy and visibly very fast punches into the bag. With each punch, the bag moved further and further back, and then upwards as the chain prevented the bag from moving more backward.
The showcase ended with Ryoichi landing one final right uppercut into the bag, sending it so high up the chain snapped, leading the bag to land a bit away from him. There was complete silence... The training had been stopped... The display had garnered viewers all around the gym.
"Woah... AMAZING!" The rest of the gym was in agreement with Amadeus's remark and cheered at the display that had been put up. A subtle smile appeared on Ryoichi's father's face. Seems like his son still has it... But it should not be a surprise... It has only been a month.
"Petty officer Ayugai... Where do we find him?"
"Ryoichi Ayugai. We are looking for him. Could you lead us to him?"
"I don't wish to use my whip to get the words out of you."
"Missus Captain Stenham! He doesn't know!"
Lucinda and Daichi were busy questioning the local folk, most of whom clearly knew their small town's local celebrity, just not his current whereabouts. The captain of the marine however felt she needed to pull some words out of one of the stubborn middle-aged men who refused to even talk. The fellow underlings of her bled to her not to do anything stupid.
"Ah Lucy. They said we might find him at his home just a few minu...- OU! Rough rough" Daichi was interrupted by a whipping Lucinda... He did not address her as she wanted her to be and paid for it. "Just minutes away outside of this town."
"Finally we are progressing. Let's get moving." The group of roughly ten marines set their course toward the exit of the town. The luck was on their side on this day, and they did not even have to leave the town to hear loud shouts from a building nearby.
"THE CHAMP IS STILL AS GOOD AS EVER! EVEN BETTER! THE MONTH HAD NOT RUINED OUR RYOICHI!"
"A month? Those amateurs!" She knew where her target was... It was time to go for the 'kill'.
[681/3422/5000]
While one trainee seemed to be learning from his mistakes and progressively becoming better, the other one seemed to go from good to bad in minutes. The young-looking fellow in his white ki seemed to almost like slap the bag at this point with a limp fist.
Despite all the sounds that echoed in the gym, all the grunting, punching, running, jumping, weight dropping, and the skipping rope slapping the ground, Ryoichi's ears twitched at another slapping sound.
He motioned to his trainee to wait and left the bag alone, only to move towards the bag that was next to him.
[plyr=navy]"That certainly is a progression... Backwards."[/plyr] "Oh." Amadeus scratched the back of his head and chuckled, seemingly being somewhat embarrassed at his display. [plyr=navy]"Wrists straight, punch forward and before impact, turn the fist so the knuckles face up."[/plyr] Ryoichi displayed... And Amadeus eagerly watched... But he wanted more.
"That is awesome! Could you show it to me please?!" The absolute enthusiasm was 'suffocating' Ryoichi, but he gave in. Perhaps Amadeus will learn from the visual display.
Ryoichi motioned Amadeus to step back. He turned to face the boxing bag and prepared himself by moving his left foot forward, and right foot back, turning his upper body a bit so his left shoulder would be a bit more forward than the right shoulder. The fists raised up to his face height and elbows covered the sides of his body.
Without a moment of hesitation, Ryoichi began to land heavy and visibly very fast punches into the bag. With each punch, the bag moved further and further back, and then upwards as the chain prevented the bag from moving more backward.
The showcase ended with Ryoichi landing one final right uppercut into the bag, sending it so high up the chain snapped, leading the bag to land a bit away from him. There was complete silence... The training had been stopped... The display had garnered viewers all around the gym.
"Woah... AMAZING!" The rest of the gym was in agreement with Amadeus's remark and cheered at the display that had been put up. A subtle smile appeared on Ryoichi's father's face. Seems like his son still has it... But it should not be a surprise... It has only been a month.
Meanwhile
"Petty officer Ayugai... Where do we find him?"
"Ryoichi Ayugai. We are looking for him. Could you lead us to him?"
"I don't wish to use my whip to get the words out of you."
"Missus Captain Stenham! He doesn't know!"
Lucinda and Daichi were busy questioning the local folk, most of whom clearly knew their small town's local celebrity, just not his current whereabouts. The captain of the marine however felt she needed to pull some words out of one of the stubborn middle-aged men who refused to even talk. The fellow underlings of her bled to her not to do anything stupid.
"Ah Lucy. They said we might find him at his home just a few minu...- OU! Rough rough" Daichi was interrupted by a whipping Lucinda... He did not address her as she wanted her to be and paid for it. "Just minutes away outside of this town."
"Finally we are progressing. Let's get moving." The group of roughly ten marines set their course toward the exit of the town. The luck was on their side on this day, and they did not even have to leave the town to hear loud shouts from a building nearby.
"THE CHAMP IS STILL AS GOOD AS EVER! EVEN BETTER! THE MONTH HAD NOT RUINED OUR RYOICHI!"
"A month? Those amateurs!" She knew where her target was... It was time to go for the 'kill'.
[681/3422/5000]
- Ryoichi Ayugai
- [tracker=/t1576-ryoichi-ayugai#8716]
Name : Ryoichi Ayugai
Epithet : The Boxing Bear
Age : 22
Height : 6 feet 1 inch (1.85m)
Weight : 198 lbs (95kg)
Species/Tribe : Human
Faction : Marines
Crew : Blue Fist Academy
Ship : SSS Rocky
Marine Rank : Rear Admiral
Crew Role : Grandmaster
Devil Fruit : Kuma-Kuma no Mi (Bear-Bear Fruit) Model: Polar Bear
Quality Score : A
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.15 (Rear Admiral); 0.20 (to all allies)
Crew Pool : [bel=u] 50,000,000
Balance : [bel] 485,600,807
[[baneoftheweak]][[dreamsneverdie]][[childofdestiny]][[punchoutguru]][[berryprinter]]
[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 316
Re: [Episode] Message!
Wed Nov 29, 2023 3:30 pm
"TEN HUT!" The doors slammed open, catching everyone's attention in the gym hall. What was once a rowdy place full of cheering had turned into a confused silence. Not a single person in the hall fell in and stood attentively... They were not in the army or navy, after all.
That did not stop the very same marine who was tasked to carry around the package from running next to Lucinda and shouting out to the whole gym hall.
"MESSAGE!"
"A message? Like that?" the gym crowd murmured amongst each other. Ryoichi folded his arms, having the feeling that he knew why the authority-insinuating woman and her group of marines had come to the Gym's doorstep. The question was... How did they figure out where he was? The last time he sailed a ship was a month ago... Some things could change during that time.
Amadeus tried to slowly move behind the boxing bag to get away from the marine sight, meanwhile, Ryoichi's father rolled himself over to the Captain. "Captain, I take?" "Missus Captain Lucinda Stenham. Retired Lieutenant Ayugai, I presume?" "That would be correct. These days just trainer Ayugai... Formally. Shun Ayugai."
Ryoichi's father performed the salutation before resuming to inquire why the Marines had come, although he was quite certain he knew the answer as well. "You have come for my son, I presume?" "Why of course. I have been tasked to deliver an important message. And I would be HOPING" Lucinda's piercing gaze shifted onto Ryoichi while she spoke, stretching the whip out a bit, making a snapping sound. "that this particular person came over and listened to the message."
All eyes shifted on Ryoichi... The peer pressure got the best of Ryoichi and he walked over next to his father and looked at the captain. [plyr=navy]"I'm all ears."[/plyr]. No salutation, no respect for the navy higher up. For all Ryoichi knew, he might aswell be retired... Lucinda's eyes widened at the display of disobedience and protocol breaking... Someone would get whipped for that alone! But she held herself back.
"Ahem... My Ensign! Deliver the message!" Lucinda shouted, although her Ensign was standing right next to her. "Yes, Missus Captain Stenham!". The Ensign moved forward and offered the box to Ryoichi which he accepted although somewhat reluctantly. The Ensign cleared his throat and pulled out a letter from a small side bag.
"By the request of one Rear Admiral La'croix, the committee has decided to promote Petty Officer Ayugai. His new rank, Rear Admiral, is effective immediately since the signing of this letter. Signed... By various committee members."
[plyr=navy]"I see."[/plyr] Ryoichi raised the lid of the box that was handed to him. He was met by large writing 'Justice' on white fabric. It was his Rear Admiral coat. [plyr=navy]"I refuse..."[/plyr] "Son. This is not the time for this! You've got a duty to fulfill." [plyr=navy]"My duty stopped when the navy started to recruit pirates in their ranks."[/plyr] "Again with this..."
Bowing down a bit so his large frame could see through the doorway, Daichi interrupted the 'promotion' ceremony. "I apologize for interrupting but, Lucinda. We seem to have an extra member amongst us." Daichi pointed at one of the boxing bags where Ryoichi had just moments ago stood.
She let the lack of proper addressing slide and focused her sight at the boxing bag, having the observation Haki support her in doing so... Recognizing the person who tried to hide."AMADEUS! What are you doing here?! Who gave you the orders?!"
"Eeeeeeep! H... Hey Lucy!" "It's missus Captain Stenham for you, mister!"
"QUIET! I want an explanation." The voice of authority in the gym echoed... And it demanded answers, immediately.
[613/4035/5000]
That did not stop the very same marine who was tasked to carry around the package from running next to Lucinda and shouting out to the whole gym hall.
"MESSAGE!"
"A message? Like that?" the gym crowd murmured amongst each other. Ryoichi folded his arms, having the feeling that he knew why the authority-insinuating woman and her group of marines had come to the Gym's doorstep. The question was... How did they figure out where he was? The last time he sailed a ship was a month ago... Some things could change during that time.
Amadeus tried to slowly move behind the boxing bag to get away from the marine sight, meanwhile, Ryoichi's father rolled himself over to the Captain. "Captain, I take?" "Missus Captain Lucinda Stenham. Retired Lieutenant Ayugai, I presume?" "That would be correct. These days just trainer Ayugai... Formally. Shun Ayugai."
Ryoichi's father performed the salutation before resuming to inquire why the Marines had come, although he was quite certain he knew the answer as well. "You have come for my son, I presume?" "Why of course. I have been tasked to deliver an important message. And I would be HOPING" Lucinda's piercing gaze shifted onto Ryoichi while she spoke, stretching the whip out a bit, making a snapping sound. "that this particular person came over and listened to the message."
All eyes shifted on Ryoichi... The peer pressure got the best of Ryoichi and he walked over next to his father and looked at the captain. [plyr=navy]"I'm all ears."[/plyr]. No salutation, no respect for the navy higher up. For all Ryoichi knew, he might aswell be retired... Lucinda's eyes widened at the display of disobedience and protocol breaking... Someone would get whipped for that alone! But she held herself back.
"Ahem... My Ensign! Deliver the message!" Lucinda shouted, although her Ensign was standing right next to her. "Yes, Missus Captain Stenham!". The Ensign moved forward and offered the box to Ryoichi which he accepted although somewhat reluctantly. The Ensign cleared his throat and pulled out a letter from a small side bag.
"By the request of one Rear Admiral La'croix, the committee has decided to promote Petty Officer Ayugai. His new rank, Rear Admiral, is effective immediately since the signing of this letter. Signed... By various committee members."
[plyr=navy]"I see."[/plyr] Ryoichi raised the lid of the box that was handed to him. He was met by large writing 'Justice' on white fabric. It was his Rear Admiral coat. [plyr=navy]"I refuse..."[/plyr] "Son. This is not the time for this! You've got a duty to fulfill." [plyr=navy]"My duty stopped when the navy started to recruit pirates in their ranks."[/plyr] "Again with this..."
Bowing down a bit so his large frame could see through the doorway, Daichi interrupted the 'promotion' ceremony. "I apologize for interrupting but, Lucinda. We seem to have an extra member amongst us." Daichi pointed at one of the boxing bags where Ryoichi had just moments ago stood.
She let the lack of proper addressing slide and focused her sight at the boxing bag, having the observation Haki support her in doing so... Recognizing the person who tried to hide."AMADEUS! What are you doing here?! Who gave you the orders?!"
"Eeeeeeep! H... Hey Lucy!" "It's missus Captain Stenham for you, mister!"
"QUIET! I want an explanation." The voice of authority in the gym echoed... And it demanded answers, immediately.
[613/4035/5000]
- Ryoichi Ayugai
- [tracker=/t1576-ryoichi-ayugai#8716]
Name : Ryoichi Ayugai
Epithet : The Boxing Bear
Age : 22
Height : 6 feet 1 inch (1.85m)
Weight : 198 lbs (95kg)
Species/Tribe : Human
Faction : Marines
Crew : Blue Fist Academy
Ship : SSS Rocky
Marine Rank : Rear Admiral
Crew Role : Grandmaster
Devil Fruit : Kuma-Kuma no Mi (Bear-Bear Fruit) Model: Polar Bear
Quality Score : A
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.15 (Rear Admiral); 0.20 (to all allies)
Crew Pool : [bel=u] 50,000,000
Balance : [bel] 485,600,807
[[baneoftheweak]][[dreamsneverdie]][[childofdestiny]][[punchoutguru]][[berryprinter]]
[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 316
Re: [Episode] Message!
Thu Nov 30, 2023 3:49 pm
Like a sulking child with head hanging forward and arms limp, Amadeus came out of hiding to go beside Lucinda. A mistake on his part, he should have known the moment he arrived beside Lucinda, his ear would be grabbed by her and would be pulled. "Who gave you the orders to come here on your own like this?!" "It hurts!" "If it didn't hurt I wouldn't be doing it!"
"Answers."
Shun did not shout this time, but he did look at the marines, and Amadeus, expecting some answers very soon. Ryoichi was curious about what was going on with the two. It was clear that Amadeus and Lucinda knew each other.
"Go ahead, introduce yourself." Lucinda let go of Amadeus's ear so he could properly introduce himself. "My name is Amadeus as you already know! I serve the Marines as their Lieutenant! It's a pleasure to meet you officially!"
[plyr=navy]"Aren't you quite young to be a Lieutenant of the Navy?"[/plyr] Ryoichi blinked, surprised to learn of Amadeus's rank. "You are just twenty-two and already a Rear Admiral." [plyr=navy]"I am not."[/plyr]
"I am nineteen, yes." "This one here is what some like to call a prodigy. Frankly, I never saw it myself. But if they think so... Well. So be it. Still... Who sent you?!" [dass]Lucinda's behavior drastically changed to better and weirdly caring when around Amadeus, which is a strange sight, especially to her crew... Except for Daichi who started to get restless[cmt]You should stay aware of the PoV character for each scene. Make sure that you don't express observations in your narration that your PoV character would not make or be aware of.[/cmt][/dass].
"I... Can't tell you that." "Don't you disobey me as well you little tweeb!" "Is this going to take any longer? My lunchtime is approaching." "He's right Lucy. He does need to consume food in time to maintain all of that power." "How can you think of food when we have our task to complete?!"
Lucinda pointed at Ryoichi. "I will not let you blemish my perfect record. You will come with us, yes?" [plyr=navy]"I've made up my mind, the answer is still a no."[/plyr] That answer did not satisfy Lucinda, not one bit. She was preparing her whip by stretching it out a bit. Ryoichi placed the box down and folded his arms, true to his word and his mind... Until...
"This shall be settled by combat then."
Gently coming through the doorway which was occupied by the marines was a small frail-looking old woman. [plyr=navy]"[dass]Grandma...[cmt]The true voice of authority has entered the room, it seems. Go granny![/cmt][/dass]"[/plyr] "A voice of reason, mother!"
But the father-son duo was not the only one who recognized Granny Ayugai. "Nana Ayugai!" Amadeus immediately went to give granny a hug. "Ooooh Amadeus how big you've grown. When I last saw you, you were just a small scared boy."
[plyr=navy]"It was you! You sent a spy trying to convince me!"[/plyr] "A... A spy?!" Amadeus was shocked at Ryoichi's accusations... He did not like to call himself a spy... More so an external help to push Ryoichi, although he barely was able to do any pushing to get him back to the marines.
"What was, was, what matters is this matter is settled. Now the dear navy will choose their champion and you two go at each in the ring over there." granny shifted from the topic quickly to get back to the real matter at hand... [plyr=navy]"Nana..."[/plyr] "I've been patient with you and so have your mother and father. If you win, well, then we'll let the matter go. If you lose... You go back to the service."
"We'll put out our protegee." "Wha...- I have to fight my hero?" "Consider that a punishment for acting on your own... You did not get your orders to be here from a higher-up." A devilish grin appeared on Lucinda's face as she found the perfect punishment for Amadeus.
The newly promoted Rear Admiral and hero to small-town people, Ryoichi Ayugai, against one of the promising recruits of the Navy worldwide... A bout that would sell hundreds, nay, thousands of tickets, is about to happen, in a small town Gym hall, on Notice... The price? Ryoichi's freedom, or return to the ranks of the Navy... Which shall it be?
[677/4712/5000]
"Answers."
Shun did not shout this time, but he did look at the marines, and Amadeus, expecting some answers very soon. Ryoichi was curious about what was going on with the two. It was clear that Amadeus and Lucinda knew each other.
"Go ahead, introduce yourself." Lucinda let go of Amadeus's ear so he could properly introduce himself. "My name is Amadeus as you already know! I serve the Marines as their Lieutenant! It's a pleasure to meet you officially!"
[plyr=navy]"Aren't you quite young to be a Lieutenant of the Navy?"[/plyr] Ryoichi blinked, surprised to learn of Amadeus's rank. "You are just twenty-two and already a Rear Admiral." [plyr=navy]"I am not."[/plyr]
"I am nineteen, yes." "This one here is what some like to call a prodigy. Frankly, I never saw it myself. But if they think so... Well. So be it. Still... Who sent you?!" [dass]Lucinda's behavior drastically changed to better and weirdly caring when around Amadeus, which is a strange sight, especially to her crew... Except for Daichi who started to get restless[cmt]You should stay aware of the PoV character for each scene. Make sure that you don't express observations in your narration that your PoV character would not make or be aware of.[/cmt][/dass].
"I... Can't tell you that." "Don't you disobey me as well you little tweeb!" "Is this going to take any longer? My lunchtime is approaching." "He's right Lucy. He does need to consume food in time to maintain all of that power." "How can you think of food when we have our task to complete?!"
Lucinda pointed at Ryoichi. "I will not let you blemish my perfect record. You will come with us, yes?" [plyr=navy]"I've made up my mind, the answer is still a no."[/plyr] That answer did not satisfy Lucinda, not one bit. She was preparing her whip by stretching it out a bit. Ryoichi placed the box down and folded his arms, true to his word and his mind... Until...
"This shall be settled by combat then."
Gently coming through the doorway which was occupied by the marines was a small frail-looking old woman. [plyr=navy]"[dass]Grandma...[cmt]The true voice of authority has entered the room, it seems. Go granny![/cmt][/dass]"[/plyr] "A voice of reason, mother!"
But the father-son duo was not the only one who recognized Granny Ayugai. "Nana Ayugai!" Amadeus immediately went to give granny a hug. "Ooooh Amadeus how big you've grown. When I last saw you, you were just a small scared boy."
[plyr=navy]"It was you! You sent a spy trying to convince me!"[/plyr] "A... A spy?!" Amadeus was shocked at Ryoichi's accusations... He did not like to call himself a spy... More so an external help to push Ryoichi, although he barely was able to do any pushing to get him back to the marines.
"What was, was, what matters is this matter is settled. Now the dear navy will choose their champion and you two go at each in the ring over there." granny shifted from the topic quickly to get back to the real matter at hand... [plyr=navy]"Nana..."[/plyr] "I've been patient with you and so have your mother and father. If you win, well, then we'll let the matter go. If you lose... You go back to the service."
"We'll put out our protegee." "Wha...- I have to fight my hero?" "Consider that a punishment for acting on your own... You did not get your orders to be here from a higher-up." A devilish grin appeared on Lucinda's face as she found the perfect punishment for Amadeus.
The newly promoted Rear Admiral and hero to small-town people, Ryoichi Ayugai, against one of the promising recruits of the Navy worldwide... A bout that would sell hundreds, nay, thousands of tickets, is about to happen, in a small town Gym hall, on Notice... The price? Ryoichi's freedom, or return to the ranks of the Navy... Which shall it be?
[677/4712/5000]
- Ryoichi Ayugai
- [tracker=/t1576-ryoichi-ayugai#8716]
Name : Ryoichi Ayugai
Epithet : The Boxing Bear
Age : 22
Height : 6 feet 1 inch (1.85m)
Weight : 198 lbs (95kg)
Species/Tribe : Human
Faction : Marines
Crew : Blue Fist Academy
Ship : SSS Rocky
Marine Rank : Rear Admiral
Crew Role : Grandmaster
Devil Fruit : Kuma-Kuma no Mi (Bear-Bear Fruit) Model: Polar Bear
Quality Score : A
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.15 (Rear Admiral); 0.20 (to all allies)
Crew Pool : [bel=u] 50,000,000
Balance : [bel] 485,600,807
[[baneoftheweak]][[dreamsneverdie]][[childofdestiny]][[punchoutguru]][[berryprinter]]
[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 316
Re: [Episode] Message!
Sun Dec 03, 2023 9:46 am
The gong echoed inside the gym and the match began.
Ryoichi did not plan to hold back... The trickery was not appreciated by him, and he had the chance to secure his 'retirement' for a long while by simply defeating his opponent... There was no reason to hold back.
But one thing certainly was clear. Amadeus did not hold back either. It was as if he was a changed man all of a sudden. The mannerisms shifted from cheerful to serious in a matter of seconds the moment he had assumed his fighting stance.
It felt like two worlds collided against each other... Two martial arts worlds. Ryoichi used his strong body, fast arms, and will to wield the style of boxing, meanwhile, Amadeus used his superior agility and speed to wield the Souther-style Kung Fu form of Leopard.
Amadeus's speed and agility certainly played a big role in landing more than enough hits into Ryoichi and also dodging many incoming attempts to land a hit on himself, but there laid the problem. His style lacked the strength to bring Ryoichi down on his knees fast enough.
Ryoichi was not a man to simply give up, eventually catching up with Amadeus to start landing more and more devastating attacks on Amadeus.
There was no time limit, no bell to save anyone. It was an all-out fight until one side surrendered... Or was knocked unconscious... And Ryoichi was all for it. Each attack landed on him fueled his excitement... It was evident. Deep down he enjoyed the hell out of it, and he had not lost his edge.
The same could be said for Amadeus. He was fighting one of his idols in the martial arts world. It was hard not to enjoy it. But he was ready to turn it up a notch. "This is the best day of my life!" The man began to grow in height and a bit in width, but the main change was in his appearance which started to look feline, a leopard-like... But in black.
Amadeus's fangs showed while he grinned. With a slight cat-like purr in his tone, he spoke to Ryoichi before he continued his full-on assault on him. "It would be the honor to face the Bear himself!"
With a similar grin, Ryoichi responded to Amadeuse's desire by shifting into his hybrid form of polar bear... Easily towering over Amadeus even then. The fight in a ring turned into a fight which involved the whole Gym ground. The crowd 'rolled' away to give the two combatants some room.
Like all good things, even this had to come to an end eventually. With a well-unleashed right straight, Ryoichi sent Amadeus flying backward through the Gym wall, leading Amadeus to land in the rubble, knocked out.
The winner... Ryoichi Ayugai.
But it was not an easy win. Ryoichi's body was covered with bruises and some cuts... But he seemed like he was ready to take on anyone else who dared to challenge him. [plyr=navy]"While I am at it... Anyone else wants to have a go?"[/plyr] With the excitement in his tone his sight shifted around the room, looking for an opponent... But no one stepped forward for a fight... But to unleash their anger, someone certainly was willing to do that.
"I am... Ruined... You damn bear!" Lucinda unleashed her whip at Ryoichi. [plyr=navy]"Hey hey ou ou ou! You crazy woman!"[/plyr] "Daichi! Pick Amadeus up! We are leaving!"
As promised, the navy was ready to leave, with Lucinda being the last to leave the building. But she did not leave silently. "Despicable. The world is descending into chaos and you are hiding here! Not everyone in the system is corrupt you know! Hmph."
The words had been told to him by his mother, his father, and his grandma... But after the fight, these words echoed in Ryoichi's head, louder than ever... Was his decision truly the right one?
[659/5371/5000]
Ryoichi did not plan to hold back... The trickery was not appreciated by him, and he had the chance to secure his 'retirement' for a long while by simply defeating his opponent... There was no reason to hold back.
But one thing certainly was clear. Amadeus did not hold back either. It was as if he was a changed man all of a sudden. The mannerisms shifted from cheerful to serious in a matter of seconds the moment he had assumed his fighting stance.
It felt like two worlds collided against each other... Two martial arts worlds. Ryoichi used his strong body, fast arms, and will to wield the style of boxing, meanwhile, Amadeus used his superior agility and speed to wield the Souther-style Kung Fu form of Leopard.
Amadeus's speed and agility certainly played a big role in landing more than enough hits into Ryoichi and also dodging many incoming attempts to land a hit on himself, but there laid the problem. His style lacked the strength to bring Ryoichi down on his knees fast enough.
Ryoichi was not a man to simply give up, eventually catching up with Amadeus to start landing more and more devastating attacks on Amadeus.
There was no time limit, no bell to save anyone. It was an all-out fight until one side surrendered... Or was knocked unconscious... And Ryoichi was all for it. Each attack landed on him fueled his excitement... It was evident. Deep down he enjoyed the hell out of it, and he had not lost his edge.
The same could be said for Amadeus. He was fighting one of his idols in the martial arts world. It was hard not to enjoy it. But he was ready to turn it up a notch. "This is the best day of my life!" The man began to grow in height and a bit in width, but the main change was in his appearance which started to look feline, a leopard-like... But in black.
Amadeus's fangs showed while he grinned. With a slight cat-like purr in his tone, he spoke to Ryoichi before he continued his full-on assault on him. "It would be the honor to face the Bear himself!"
With a similar grin, Ryoichi responded to Amadeuse's desire by shifting into his hybrid form of polar bear... Easily towering over Amadeus even then. The fight in a ring turned into a fight which involved the whole Gym ground. The crowd 'rolled' away to give the two combatants some room.
Like all good things, even this had to come to an end eventually. With a well-unleashed right straight, Ryoichi sent Amadeus flying backward through the Gym wall, leading Amadeus to land in the rubble, knocked out.
The winner... Ryoichi Ayugai.
But it was not an easy win. Ryoichi's body was covered with bruises and some cuts... But he seemed like he was ready to take on anyone else who dared to challenge him. [plyr=navy]"While I am at it... Anyone else wants to have a go?"[/plyr] With the excitement in his tone his sight shifted around the room, looking for an opponent... But no one stepped forward for a fight... But to unleash their anger, someone certainly was willing to do that.
"I am... Ruined... You damn bear!" Lucinda unleashed her whip at Ryoichi. [plyr=navy]"Hey hey ou ou ou! You crazy woman!"[/plyr] "Daichi! Pick Amadeus up! We are leaving!"
As promised, the navy was ready to leave, with Lucinda being the last to leave the building. But she did not leave silently. "Despicable. The world is descending into chaos and you are hiding here! Not everyone in the system is corrupt you know! Hmph."
The words had been told to him by his mother, his father, and his grandma... But after the fight, these words echoed in Ryoichi's head, louder than ever... Was his decision truly the right one?
[659/5371/5000]
- Ryoichi Ayugai
- [tracker=/t1576-ryoichi-ayugai#8716]
Name : Ryoichi Ayugai
Epithet : The Boxing Bear
Age : 22
Height : 6 feet 1 inch (1.85m)
Weight : 198 lbs (95kg)
Species/Tribe : Human
Faction : Marines
Crew : Blue Fist Academy
Ship : SSS Rocky
Marine Rank : Rear Admiral
Crew Role : Grandmaster
Devil Fruit : Kuma-Kuma no Mi (Bear-Bear Fruit) Model: Polar Bear
Quality Score : A
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.15 (Rear Admiral); 0.20 (to all allies)
Crew Pool : [bel=u] 50,000,000
Balance : [bel] 485,600,807
[[baneoftheweak]][[dreamsneverdie]][[childofdestiny]][[punchoutguru]][[berryprinter]]
[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 316
Re: [Episode] Message!
Sun Dec 10, 2023 4:31 pm
Later that evening
The night time approached quickly. The largest ship belonging to the Marines towered over small fishing boats in the docks. It was quiet, the crew had gone their separate way for the evening as Captain Stenham had given the reluctant permission for it.
"Are you sure it was the right thing to do? If we had left today, we could be back in base by tomorrow morning." "I'll give this bafoon of a man until tomorrow before I relay the final answer to the base... I just cannot let it tarnish my reputation." "I don't think it will tarnish your reputation." "Silence..."
The discussion between Daichi and Lucinda was brought to a standstill momentarily by Lucinda's own orders. She did not lash out at Daichi... Perhaps deep down she knew what she said was untrue and her reputation really would not be tarnished... But the standards had been set quite high by herself, and she wished to uphold them.
"The crew deserved a small break as much as I hate to admit it." Lucinda said with a calm and rather tired tone. Daichi smiled at Lucinda's choice and nodded. "See, you can be nice after all." "One more word about it and you'll have your body covered with whip marks." "Rough rough... Of course, madam."
Meanwhile at the Ayugai residence
"So, boys, how was your day?" Ryoichi's mother asked with a bright smile on her face, having carried over the pot of stew onto the table for dinner.
Ryoichi on the other hand looked at his mother with a rather unamused bruise-covered face which had started to develop over time since the combat. His father however had no problem responding to that question. "Oh it went quite well. Our boy here finally stepped back into the ring."
"That is wonderful news!"
"And there is another thing. Could you please find the whiskey and grab three glasses" Ryoichi's mother nodded her head and went to grab three glasses and a half-full bottle of whiskey which she then poured out into the glasses, having them well leveled so everyone gets the same amount of drink.
"We got great news. Marines visited us today to give us a message that our boy is now Rear Admiral." "Oh my! Seriously?! I am so proud of you!" She jumped off the chair and rushed over to Ryoichi to hug him tightly.
[plyr=navy]"Mother! Mother! It hurts!"[/plyr] No matter how hard he tried, the punches still landed on Ryoichi, and while he was not defeated, he still felt the aftermath, especially now when all the adrenaline had lowered. [plyr=navy]"I already said I won't accept it! I won the fight."[/plyr]
"What do you mean you won't accept it? And what do you mean you won the fight?" [plyr=navy]"I had a combat with their Lieutenant and I defeated him. The deal was that if I win I get to choose my own fate, and my fate is that I will not be returning to the service."[/plyr]
"I see." and that empty-sounding non-understanding 'I see' had a follow-up. A strong flick of a finger right into Ryoichi's forehead. [plyr=navy]"Mother! What's that for?!"[/plyr] "You were given a promotion many only can dream of and you declined it?!"
[plyr=navy]"What do you mean mother? I've given it a lot of thought!"[/plyr] The more Ryoichi spoke, it became clear, that he was sounding unsure of himself. [plyr=navy]"Look what happened to father! He now has to spend the rest of his days in a wheelchair!"[/plyr] "That's why he trained you!"
Was the right time for Shun to step in between the 'clashing' wife and son. "Hon, let me please." he took a sip of whiskey and rested his elbows on the table, looking at Ryoichi. "What happened to me happened because of my sense of duty, a sense of mission. We all lay down the path ourselves. I chose mine. I got hurt in the line of duty because I chose to swallow down my fear and risk my life for others. Do I regret it? The biggest regret I have is being unable to be more independent. But I have made my peace with it, and so has your mother. If you ask do I regret what I did and save people's lives? Absolutely not. Never."
Shun paused himself, lowering his head a bit to face the reflection of himself in the bottom of the whiskey glass. "Everything I've done is so you would never have to go through such pain. I understand allowing you to enter combat sports is counterintuitive, and even your mother told me that years ago... But that has shaped you into who you are today. A fine man, a fine athlete, a fine martial artist, and of course, a fine marine. Perhaps you'll also become a fine teacher... Do not forget that."
He grabbed the glass and raised it a bit, slightly above his head. "When you fought that panther boy. I saw this spark in you. Something you displayed in your final match-up to regain your title. You enjoyed that fight, and deep down it did not matter to you wether you won or lost, at that moment, it felt like you had made peace with the situation. We have seen you. Even if you don't like to remember it, you were the same back then as you are now. Your will was wavering. The unsureness kicked in. But we cannot let that demon take the final hold of ourselves and make us make final decisions."
And through the doorway, a voice chimed into the conversation. "The world is not all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean, nasty, and unfair place. And no matter how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody else is going to hit you as hard as life does. But it does not matter how hard you get it, but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. [ass=Wise words, grandma.]And that's how the winning in life is done[/ass]."
"Mother, what are you doing here?" "I came by for dinner. Would you have me?" "Of course! Let me go get you the plate." Another plate was put on the table, and dinner could finally be served. Everyone toasted and dug into the stew. While others conversed more, Ryoichi was rather silent. With a mind full of thoughts, no words could leave his lips, but it did not matter, they all seemed to have a great time into the night, until bedtime.
The morning
The sun was rising shining into Ryoichi's room. Watching out of the window was the man himself. With the bags underneath his eyes, he had spent the entire night gathering his thoughts which had been challenged by three very important people in his life...
As much as he hates admitting 'defeat', they were right, and he had concluded that after the entire night of thinking. They challenged Ryoichi's way of thinking, and they were right. He had given up as if he was not a fighter. To let something so small defeat him, shake his resolve to the very core... Unacceptable.
With the head slowly turning towards the package he had received, he mumbled to himself. [plyr=navy]"Will I regret it? What if I can teach them myself?"[/plyr] There was only one way to find out.
In the bathroom his hands stroked through his hair, [dass]gelling it up, carefully forming his signature pompadour[cmt]This is a great symbolic action to denote Ryoichi's admission back into the life of a marine.[/cmt][/dass]. He flipped off the cover of the package, grabbed the admiral coat, and laid it on his shoulders. [plyr=navy]"It is now or never."[/plyr]
He rushed out of his room towards the exit of the house. [plyr=navy]"Mother, I am going and I don't know when I return!"[/plyr]. The moment she heard that, faster than the speed of light, Ryoichi's mother stood before his son. "Be good, my son. And stay safe."
[plyr=navy]"I will, mother. And thank you, for everything. Give my best to Father and Grandma, I have to hurry to catch them. I think... I am back in the game after all."[/plyr]. Following the mother's embrace, with a wide grin, Ryoichi rushed off from the Ayugai residence. For all he knew, the Marines were already a day away from the island.
The docks
[plyr=navy]"Boat, boat, I need a boat. Hey Herman! Do you have a boat I could borrow?"[/plyr] Franticly Ryoichi was trying to find a free boat he could use, even 'catching' the local fisherman's attention for it. "Nope, all are on the sea to fish." [plyr=navy]"I am fine with a row boat."[/plyr] "I mean, you could use that over there but why do you need it?" [plyr=navy]"I need to catch the marine boat that left yesterday."[/plyr] "Yesterday, but they left today morning, only like ten minutes ago.
[plyr=navy]".... What?"[/plyr] "Yes, they stayed the night here. They are heading to the east by the coast." [plyr=navy]"Why didn't you start with that?!"[/plyr] Ryoichi dashed off from the docks towards the east part of the island. [plyr=navy]"I will make it!"[/plyr]
Meanwhile on the marine ship
"Damn that filthy bear!" With a precise movement, Lucinda unleashed her whip at one of the empty bottles on the table, hitting it off into the wall, and shattering it. Barging through the door onto the deck where the crew was, she shouted.
"Bring me my den den mushi!" The ensign assigned for her rushed the den den mushi over to her in a matter of seconds, and she made the dreaded call.
"Base hearing."
"This is Missus Captain Stenham speaking... We... Have failed."
"What? You failed to deliver the message?!"
"No! We delivered the message! We failed to get the message through!"
"Do you have any idea how bad of a situation that puts us?!"
"I understand! What the hell was I sup...- Huh?"
Shouts reach through the air onto the sailing marine ship. [plyr=navy]"Wait for me!!!"[/plyr] On the deck there was a shadow that was slowly shrinking, becoming smaller and smaller, until it was reduced to the size that of a normal human. From the land, Ryoichi used his strength of legs to push himself in the air perform a confident leap of faith, and land safe and sound on the sailing ship.
"Stenham! What is going on?!"
In shock, Lucinda stared at Ryoichi who somewhat gently ripped the mushi microphone off her hands.
[plyr=navy]"This is Rear Admiral Ayugai speaking. I accept the promotion, on certain terms. I will have my squad. This lovely lady with silver hair will join my squad along with Panther Boy and that big sumo wrestler... They have potential, and anyone else who wishes on this ship to join..."[/plyr]
Followed by a small pause, Ryoichi handed out one more demand [plyr=navy]"And. You will grant me funds to start my operation to train the future marines... A dojo of my own. I will oversee all the recruitment into it."[/plyr]
".........."
".........."
"[ass=Fine, fine. We accept.]We accept your terms[/ass]."
The end
[1826/7197/5000]
- Gray
[tracker=/t131-tracker-gray-starks#504]
Name : Gray
Epithet : "The Conqueror"; "Black Fist"
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" (310 cm)
Weight : 1043 lbs (473 kg)
Species/Tribe : Cyborg Human
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Bounty : [ber=r] 5,000,000,000
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.20
Shop Discount : -30%
Balance : [bel] 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[childofdestiny]][[freakofnature]]
[[punchoutguru]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]
[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 3977
Re: [Episode] Message!
Tue Dec 12, 2023 8:00 pm
GRADING
Quality Score (Re)assessment: Yes (Triggered a reassessment myself despite player not requesting one.)
ASSESSMENT SUMMARY
- Ryoichi Ayugai:
I triggered a reassessment for this quest because just by skimming it, I could tell that you have outgrown the B quality score. I'm glad I was right.
While there's still plenty of room for improvement when it comes to the technical aspect of your writing, you have come far from where you first started. I enjoyed reading this story and thought that you did well to show Ryoichi's internal conflict and give justifiable reasons for him to return to service.
All in all, this was easily the best piece of fiction I have seen you write so far.
I'm proud of you.Category Scores
Plot: 80 out of 100
Characters: 61 out of 75
Dialogue: 37 out of 50
World-building: 35 out of 50
Literary Devices: 52 out of 100
Language: 73 out of 125
Total: 338 out of 500
REWARDS
- Ryoichi Ayugai:
Length Multiplier: 1.44x (7,197 words)
Difficulty Bonus: +0.00 (+0)
Quality Bonus: +1.50 (A)
EXP Bonus: +0.20
Income Bonus: +0.35
All base EXP redirected to @Rias Keko
Old EXP: 2055
EXP earned: +338
Updated EXP: 2393
@Ryoichi Ayugai
Old balance: [bel] 459,388,807
Belly earned: +166,212,000 [bel]
Updated balance: [bel] 625,600,807
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