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[Bio] Luis Ottoborne Empty [Bio] Luis Ottoborne

This post has in-line assessment comments.Wed Dec 06, 2023 6:17 pm

Luis Ottoborne


[Bio] Luis Ottoborne IMG-3970

Basic Character Information


Forename: Luis
Middle Name/Initial:
Surname: Ottoborne
Epithet: “The Crow Mercenary”
Birthdate: Febuary 17th, 1798
Gender: Male
Species/Tribe: Human
Faction: Revolutionaries
Profession: Assassin


Physical Appearance


Height: 6’4”
Weight: 140 lbs

Hair Style: Jagged Bangs
Hair Color: Yellow
Eye Color: Black
Scars: Faded Right Eye Scar
Gear: Luis Usually Wears A White Collared Shirt With Long White Sleeves, With A Long Orange Sleeveless Jacket. On The Bottom Half He Wears Chocolate Brown Rolled Up Long Pants With Two Orange Striped Socks, Wearing Dark Brown Boots As Footwear. Along With That He Wears A Mattered Yellow Construction Hat.

He Has A Pet Crow Named Kaia, Who A Male And Is Very Intelligent

His Weapon Style Of Choice Is A Long, Curved Tip Sword With A Beige Colored Stander And Handle.

Description: Luis Is A Pretty Tall Revolutionary, With A Straight Like Body Shape Most Others Have.


The Past


Main Traits: Double-Sided, Content, (Mostly) Friendly, Violent (Sometimes)
Likes: The Revolutionary Army, Playing The Violin
Dislikes: The World Government, The Sound Of Shots (It Gives Him PTSD), Cowardly People
Unique laugh: Gya-hahahahaha!

Hometown: Conomi Islands, East Blue, Visits Sometimes.

Personality: Luis Is Shown As A Double-Sided, Content Dude. But Mostly, Is VERY Kind. But When It Comes To Fighting, He Is VERY Violent With Opponents, Where As Much As Far For Other Revolutionaries To Stop Him.

History:



(Also Since I Got The Child Of Destiny, Dose That Mean I Can Have The D. In My Middle Initials?)
Gray
Gray
The Conqueror / Black Fist
[tracker=/t131-tracker-gray-starks#504]
Name : Gray
Epithet : "The Conqueror" / "Black Fist"
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" (310 cm)
Weight : 1043 lbs (473 kg)
Species : Cyborg Human
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Bounty : [ber=r] 5,000,000,000
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.20
Shop Discount : -30%
Balance : [bel] 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[childofdestiny]][[freakofnature]]
[[punchoutguru]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]

[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 3840

[Bio] Luis Ottoborne Empty Re: [Bio] Luis Ottoborne

This post has in-line assessment comments.Wed Dec 06, 2023 6:25 pm
[warn=""]I'm sorry to say but I think you may not be a good fit for Revival Dawn based on your current writing competency. If you're willing to struggle through it regardless, that's up to you, but I find your submission to be severely lacking in quality and grammatical correctness, and that may hold you back significantly when it comes to progressing forward on the site.

Also, no, you may not start with the "D" middle initial.[/warn]



The Crow Mercenary wrote:

Luis Ottoborne


[Bio] Luis Ottoborne IMG-3970

Basic Character Information


Forename: Luis
Middle Name/Initial:
Surname: Ottoborne
Epithet: “The Crow Mercenary”
Birthdate: Febuary 17th, 1798
Gender: Male
Species/Tribe: Human
Faction: Revolutionaries
Profession: Assassin


Physical Appearance


Height: 6’4”
Weight: 140 lbs

Hair Style: Jagged Bangs
Hair Color: Yellow
Eye Color: Black
Scars: Faded Right Eye Scar
Gear: Luis Usually Wears A White Collared Shirt With Long White Sleeves, With A Long Orange Sleeveless Jacket. On The Bottom Half He Wears Chocolate Brown Rolled Up Long Pants With Two Orange Striped Socks, Wearing Dark Brown Boots As Footwear. Along With That He Wears A Mattered Yellow Construction Hat.

He Has A Pet Crow Named Kaia, Who A Male And Is Very Intelligent

His Weapon Style Of Choice Is A Long, Curved Tip Sword With A Beige Colored Stander And Handle.

Description: Luis Is A Pretty Tall Revolutionary, With A Straight Like Body Shape Most Others Have.


The Past


Main Traits: Double-Sided, Content, (Mostly) Friendly, Violent (Sometimes)
Likes: The Revolutionary Army, Playing The Violin
Dislikes: The World Government, The Sound Of Shots (It Gives Him PTSD), Cowardly People
Unique laugh: Gya-hahahahaha!

Hometown: Conomi Islands, East Blue, Visits Sometimes.

Personality: Luis Is Shown As A Double-Sided, Content Dude. But Mostly, Is VERY Kind. But When It Comes To Fighting, He Is VERY Violent With Opponents, Where As Much As Far For Other Revolutionaries To Stop Him.

History:



(Also Since I Got The Child Of Destiny, Dose That Mean I Can Have The D. In My Middle Initials?)
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

[Bio] Luis Ottoborne Empty Re: [Bio] Luis Ottoborne

This post has in-line assessment comments.Wed Dec 06, 2023 6:27 pm
Gray wrote:[warn=""]I'm sorry to say but I think you may not be a good fit for Revival Dawn based on your current writing competency. If you're willing to struggle through it regardless, that's up to you, but I find your submission to be severely lacking in quality and grammatical correctness, and that may hold you back significantly when it comes to progressing forward on the site.

Also, no, you may not start with the "D" middle initial.[/warn]



The Crow Mercenary wrote:

Luis Ottoborne


[Bio] Luis Ottoborne IMG-3970

Basic Character Information


Forename: Luis
Middle Name/Initial:
Surname: Ottoborne
Epithet: “The Crow Mercenary”
Birthdate: Febuary 17th, 1798
Gender: Male
Species/Tribe: Human
Faction: Revolutionaries
Profession: Assassin


Physical Appearance


Height: 6’4”
Weight: 140 lbs

Hair Style: Jagged Bangs
Hair Color: Yellow
Eye Color: Black
Scars: Faded Right Eye Scar
Gear: Luis Usually Wears A White Collared Shirt With Long White Sleeves, With A Long Orange Sleeveless Jacket. On The Bottom Half He Wears Chocolate Brown Rolled Up Long Pants With Two Orange Striped Socks, Wearing Dark Brown Boots As Footwear. Along With That He Wears A Mattered Yellow Construction Hat.

He Has A Pet Crow Named Kaia, Who A Male And Is Very Intelligent

His Weapon Style Of Choice Is A Long, Curved Tip Sword With A Beige Colored Stander And Handle.

Description: Luis Is A Pretty Tall Revolutionary, With A Straight Like Body Shape Most Others Have.


The Past


Main Traits: Double-Sided, Content, (Mostly) Friendly, Violent (Sometimes)
Likes: The Revolutionary Army, Playing The Violin
Dislikes: The World Government, The Sound Of Shots (It Gives Him PTSD), Cowardly People
Unique laugh: Gya-hahahahaha!

Hometown: Conomi Islands, East Blue, Visits Sometimes.

Personality: Luis Is Shown As A Double-Sided, Content Dude. But Mostly, Is VERY Kind. But When It Comes To Fighting, He Is VERY Violent With Opponents, Where As Much As Far For Other Revolutionaries To Stop Him.

History:



(Also Since I Got The Child Of Destiny, Dose That Mean I Can Have The D. In My Middle Initials?)

ah ok! I’ll edit it better next time!
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