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Xavier Drake
[tracker=/t2497-tracker-xavier-drake#16007]
Name : Xavier Drake
Epithet : Jaded Dragon • Shigeki
Age : 24
Height : 8' 1" [246 cm]
Weight : 319 lbs [143 kg]
Species : Human
Faction : Bounty Hunters
Crew Role : Cook
Haki Level : 0
Hitpoints (HP) : 135
Attack (ATK) : 45
Defense (DEF) : 40
Reflex (RX) : 70
Willpower (WP) : 70
Level : 1
Experience Points : 100
Berries : [ber] 50,000
[[hardboiled]]
[[atkt1]][[rxt1]]
Posts : 12
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Maryam al Shahar Empty Maryam al Shahar

This post has assessment comments.Mon Oct 24, 2022 6:56 am


Maryam al Shahar


Maryam al Shahar __artoria_pendragon_and_saber_fate_and_1_more_drawn_by_marumoru__cac04f34207fb2ea649265af24382643

Basic Character Information


First Name: Maryam | Marianne
Middle Name/Initial: al | VI
Last Name: Shahar | Morningstar
Epithet: The Morningstar
Birthdate: December 6th, 1802
Gender: Female
Species/Race/Tribe: Human
Faction: Revolutionary Army
Profession: Archaeologist | Politician | Adventurer


Physical Appearance


Height: 5'7" (human form) | 9' 7" (true form)
Weight: 117 lbs | 370 lbs

Hair Style: In combat Marianne's hair is typically done up in a ponytail or messy bun, while outside of combat she would usually let her hair flow freely.
Hair Color: Blonde
Eye Color: Green
Scars: Hoof of the Flying Dragon on her back.
Clothing and Accessories:
When in the field, Mari would typically wear armored dresses, her favorite being blue and white. When not in active duty, given her fascination with pirates, and having been thought to dress modestly, Mari has always been fond of the "pirate look". She likes her clothing loose and simple, consisting primarily of shorts and crop tops. She similarly isn't shy when it comes to her body. She isn't the type to walk around naked, and would in fact find such a woman disgraceful, but she isn't the type to be intimidated by the idea of a unisex bath or sharing a bed with someone of the opposite sex.
Description: Mari possesses a family heirloom that enables her to alternate her size between two states. While in her true state she stands at over 9' (like most within her family), she is capable of making herself shorter so as to better blend in with the common folk.

While full voluptuous figures is common of women in her family, Mari has a very lithe frame for her height, and is easily someone you wouldn't expect to see in the thick of battle. In fact, while in battle she can pull off superhuman feats, outside of battle, she's comedically known to have very poor physical conditioning, so much so that she gets tired running just a few feet.


The Past


Likes: Chess • Shogi • Strategy Games • Pirates • Partying • Horses
Dislikes: The World Government • Sweating • Smell of the Sea • Obscenities
Unique laugh: Joojoojoojoo

Hometown: Unknown

Personality:
Compassionate | Mari has natural maternal instincts, always looking out for the wellbeing of others, even at the expense of herself. She also admittedly has somewhat old fashion values, believing a woman ought to be a caregiver, and so she loves cooking and cleaning up after her crew even though she doesn't have to.
Diplomatic | Mari believes in solidarity above all else. She sees violence as a last resort and would much prefer to talk things out beforehand. Even against opponents she knows she can easily beat; she would still strive for some kind of bargain. Even if a deal is more beneficial to the other party, she would accept just to smooth things over.
Honorable | Mari's noble upbringing wasn't all bad, and over the years would have ingrained her with a great sense of honor and values. She believes greatly in loyalty, duty, responsibility, respect, modesty & honesty.
Strategic | Mari is always thinking one step ahead. Everything she does, everything she says, even the little minuscule things that nobody thinks about, she plans ahead. She's especially dangerous due to her patience as she has no problem taking small losses so long as she can secure her goals in the long run.


Nature vs Nurture | Mari has conflicting feelings over who she was born and raised to be by her family & mother versus who she's now trying to be. While she would like to think she's a good person at heart, years of nurturing can lead to her falling into old habits and having her questioning her true intentions.
Cunning | While her personality and intentions are generally good, Mari is at the end of the day always thinking of things pragmatically. She does care about people, but at the same time, she has no problem using people as a means to an end when necessary.
Stoic | Control is everything to Mari, and that's especially true when it comes to her emotions. She prefers to keep her feelings close to her daughter, maintaining a cool demeanor in her natural state. Her words and actions can say two completely different things, with her usually remaining stoic even when being nice, and act of kindness to her is rarely personal, but rather simply just doing the right thing.
Indulgent | While she prefers to maintain a certain level of honor for herself, Marianne is infamous for her indulgent treatment of others. She believes in freedom and would never talk a person out of something, even if she knows it might be bad for them and is always willing to help. Her indulgent personality makes her a lover of parties, adventure, etc. Some have described her as the devil on your back.

History:


Last edited by Marianne Morningstar on Sat Oct 29, 2022 10:16 pm; edited 3 times in total
Gray
The Conqueror / Black Fist
[tracker=/t131-tracker-gray-starks#504]
Name : Gray Starks
Epithet : The Conqueror / Black Fist
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" (310 cm)
Weight : 1043 lbs (473 kg)
Species : Human Cyborg
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Haki Level : 10
[[haoasc]][[busoasc]][[kenbunasc]]
Hitpoints (HP) : 750
Attack (ATK) : 800
Defense (DEF) : 600
Reflex (RX) : 715
Willpower (WP) : 650
Level : 100
Prestige : 8
Experience Points : 18000
Bounty : [ber=r] 5,000,000,000
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.20
Shop Discount : -30%
Berries : [ber] 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[childofdestiny]][[freakofnature]]
[[punchoutguru]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]
[[atkt6_sp]][[deft6]][[rxt6]][[wpt6]]
[[1needlelog]][[3needlelog]]
Posts : 3315
View user profile

Maryam al Shahar Empty Re: Maryam al Shahar

This post has assessment comments.Tue Oct 25, 2022 6:24 pm
I think this character is acceptable except for the two elephants in the room.

One, you absolutely may not make your first character a celestial dragon, former or otherwise. We have a list of important positions which your character is not allowed to fill (or have filled in the past) without meeting the requirements. This also applies to any NPCs referenced in your history unless my express permission is granted under rare circumstances.

Two, you absolutely may not make up lore such as "celestial dragons can grow in size" as it has no basis in canon or in RevDawn's lore.

If you remove the second elephant entirely and modify the first elephant to be a more obscure royal family (you can make up an island for Marianne's origin), this bio may be closer to being approved.

Marianne Morningstar wrote:

Maryam al Shahar


Maryam al Shahar __artoria_pendragon_and_saber_fate_and_1_more_drawn_by_marumoru__cac04f34207fb2ea649265af24382643

Basic Character Information


First Name: Maryam | Marianne
Middle Name/Initial: al | VI
Last Name: Shahar | Morningstar
Epithet: The Morningstar
Birthdate: December 6th, 1802
Gender: Female
Species/Race/Tribe: Human
Faction: Revolutionary Army
Profession: Archaeologist | Politician | Adventurer


Physical Appearance


Height: 5'7" (human form) | 9' 7" (celestial/true form)
Weight: 117 lbs | 370 lbs

Hair Style: In combat Marianne's hair is typically done up in a ponytail or messy bun, while outside of combat she would usually let her hair flow freely.
Hair Color: Blonde
Eye Color: Green
Scars: Hoof of the Flying Dragon on her back.
Clothing and Accessories:
When in the field, Mari would typically wear armored dresses, her favorite being blue and white. When not in active duty, given her fascination with pirates, and having been thought to dress modestly, Mari has always been fond of the "pirate look". She likes her clothing loose and simple, consisting primarily of shorts and crop tops. She similarly isn't shy when it comes to her body. She isn't the type to walk around naked, and would in fact find such a woman disgraceful, but she isn't the type to be intimidated by the idea of a unisex bath or sharing a bed with someone of the opposite sex.
Description: Mari possesses the somewhat rare ability of those of celestial dragon descent to alter her size. While in her true state she stands at over 9' (like most within her family), she is capable of making herself shorter so as to better blend in with the common folk.

While full voluptuous figures is common of women in her family, Mari has a very lithe frame for her height, and is easily someone you wouldn't expect to see in the thick of battle. In fact, while in battle she can pull off superhuman feats, outside of battle, she's comedically known to have very poor physical conditioning, so much so that she get tired running just a few feet.


The Past


Likes: Chess • Shogi • Strategy Games • Pirates • Partying • Horses
Dislikes: The World Government • Sweating • Smell of the Sea • Obscenities
Unique laugh: Joojoojoojoo

Hometown: Mary Geoise

Personality:
Compassionate | Mari has natural maternal instincts, always looking out for the wellbeing of others, even at the expense of herself. She also admittedly has somewhat old fashion values, believing a woman ought to be a caregiver, and so she loves cooking and cleaning up after her crew even though she doesn't have to.
Diplomatic | Mari believes in solidarity above all else. She sees violence as a last resort and would much prefer to talk things out beforehand. Even against opponents she knows she can easily beat, she would still strive for some kind of bargain. Even if a deal is more beneficial to the other party, she would accept just to smooth things over.
Honorable | Mari's noble upbringing wasn't all bad, and over the years would have ingrained her with a great sense of honor and values. She believes greatly in loyalty, duty, responsibility, respect, modesty & honesty.
Strategic | Mari is always thinking one step ahead. Everything she does, everything she says, even the little minuscule things that nobody thinks about, she plans ahead. She's especially dangerous due to her patience as she has no problem taking small losses so long as she can secure her goals in the long run.


Nature vs Nurture | Mari has conflicting feelings over who she was born and raised to be by her family & mother versus who she's now trying to be. While she would like to think she's a good person at heart, years of nurturing can lead to her falling into old habits and having her questioning her true intentions.
Cunning | While her personality and intentions are generally good, Mari is at the end of the day always thinking of things pragmatically. She does care about people, but at the same time, she has no problem using people as a means to an end when necessary.
Stoic | Control is everything to Mari, and that's especially true when it comes to her emotions. She prefers to keep her feelings close to her daughter, maintaining a cool demeanor in her natural state. Her words and actions can say two completely different things, with her usually remaining stoic even when being nice, and act of kindness to her is rarely personal, but rather simply just doing the right thing.
Indulgent | While she prefers to maintain a certain level of honor for herself, Marianne is infamous for her indulgent treatment of others. She believes in freedom and would never talk a person out of something, even if she knows it might be bad for them and is always willing to help. Her indulgent personality makes her a lover of parties, adventure, etc. Some have described her as the devil on your back.

History:
Gray
The Conqueror / Black Fist
[tracker=/t131-tracker-gray-starks#504]
Name : Gray Starks
Epithet : The Conqueror / Black Fist
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" (310 cm)
Weight : 1043 lbs (473 kg)
Species : Human Cyborg
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Haki Level : 10
[[haoasc]][[busoasc]][[kenbunasc]]
Hitpoints (HP) : 750
Attack (ATK) : 800
Defense (DEF) : 600
Reflex (RX) : 715
Willpower (WP) : 650
Level : 100
Prestige : 8
Experience Points : 18000
Bounty : [ber=r] 5,000,000,000
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.20
Shop Discount : -30%
Berries : [ber] 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[childofdestiny]][[freakofnature]]
[[punchoutguru]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]
[[atkt6_sp]][[deft6]][[rxt6]][[wpt6]]
[[1needlelog]][[3needlelog]]
Posts : 3315
View user profile

Maryam al Shahar Empty Re: Maryam al Shahar

This post has assessment comments.Tue Oct 25, 2022 7:10 pm
[ See my comments in orange. ]

Marianne Morningstar wrote:

Maryam al Shahar


Maryam al Shahar __artoria_pendragon_and_saber_fate_and_1_more_drawn_by_marumoru__cac04f34207fb2ea649265af24382643

Basic Character Information


First Name: Maryam | Marianne
Middle Name/Initial: al | VI
Last Name: Shahar | Morningstar
Epithet: The Morningstar
Birthdate: December 6th, 1802
Gender: Female
Species/Race/Tribe: Human
Faction: Revolutionary Army
Profession: Archaeologist | Politician | Adventurer


Physical Appearance


Height: 5'7" (human form) | 9' 7" (true form)
Weight: 117 lbs | 370 lbs

Hair Style: In combat Marianne's hair is typically done up in a ponytail or messy bun, while outside of combat she would usually let her hair flow freely.
Hair Color: Blonde
Eye Color: Green
Scars: Hoof of the Flying Dragon on her back. [ This does not make as much sense anymore unless you make Marianne a former slave of a Celestial Dragon. ]
Clothing and Accessories:
When in the field, Mari would typically wear armored dresses, her favorite being blue and white. When not in active duty, given her fascination with pirates, and having been thought to dress modestly, Mari has always been fond of the "pirate look". She likes her clothing loose and simple, consisting primarily of shorts and crop tops. She similarly isn't shy when it comes to her body. She isn't the type to walk around naked, and would in fact find such a woman disgraceful, but she isn't the type to be intimidated by the idea of a unisex bath or sharing a bed with someone of the opposite sex.
Description: Mari possesses a family heirloom that enables her to alternate her size between two states. While in her true state she stands at over 9' (like most within her family), she is capable of making herself shorter so as to better blend in with the common folk.  [ You may not have an artifact that allows you to change sizes either. The only way you can do this kinda thing is through a suitable devil fruit. Or you could just make a 9'7" human as that is not out of place in the world of One Piece. ]

While full voluptuous figures is common of women in her family, Mari has a very lithe frame for her height, and is easily someone you wouldn't expect to see in the thick of battle. In fact, while in battle she can pull off superhuman feats, outside of battle, she's comedically known to have very poor physical conditioning, so much so that she gets tired running just a few feet.


The Past


Likes: Chess • Shogi • Strategy Games • Pirates • Partying • Horses
Dislikes: The World Government • Sweating • Smell of the Sea • Obscenities
Unique laugh: Joojoojoojoo

Hometown: Unknown [ Please specify a hometown. You may not leave this as unknown after your attempt to make a celestial dragon and my express comment on how you cannot even imply that she may be a Celestial Dragon. ]

Personality:
Compassionate | Mari has natural maternal instincts, always looking out for the wellbeing of others, even at the expense of herself. She also admittedly has somewhat old fashion values, believing a woman ought to be a caregiver, and so she loves cooking and cleaning up after her crew even though she doesn't have to.
Diplomatic | Mari believes in solidarity above all else. She sees violence as a last resort and would much prefer to talk things out beforehand. Even against opponents she knows she can easily beat; she would still strive for some kind of bargain. Even if a deal is more beneficial to the other party, she would accept just to smooth things over.
Honorable | Mari's noble upbringing wasn't all bad, and over the years would have ingrained her with a great sense of honor and values. She believes greatly in loyalty, duty, responsibility, respect, modesty & honesty.
Strategic | Mari is always thinking one step ahead. Everything she does, everything she says, even the little minuscule things that nobody thinks about, she plans ahead. She's especially dangerous due to her patience as she has no problem taking small losses so long as she can secure her goals in the long run.


Nature vs Nurture | Mari has conflicting feelings over who she was born and raised to be by her family & mother versus who she's now trying to be. While she would like to think she's a good person at heart, years of nurturing can lead to her falling into old habits and having her questioning her true intentions.
Cunning | While her personality and intentions are generally good, Mari is at the end of the day always thinking of things pragmatically. She does care about people, but at the same time, she has no problem using people as a means to an end when necessary.
Stoic | Control is everything to Mari, and that's especially true when it comes to her emotions. She prefers to keep her feelings close to her daughter, maintaining a cool demeanor in her natural state. Her words and actions can say two completely different things, with her usually remaining stoic even when being nice, and act of kindness to her is rarely personal, but rather simply just doing the right thing.
Indulgent | While she prefers to maintain a certain level of honor for herself, Marianne is infamous for her indulgent treatment of others. She believes in freedom and would never talk a person out of something, even if she knows it might be bad for them and is always willing to help. Her indulgent personality makes her a lover of parties, adventure, etc. Some have described her as the devil on your back.

History:
Gray
The Conqueror / Black Fist
[tracker=/t131-tracker-gray-starks#504]
Name : Gray Starks
Epithet : The Conqueror / Black Fist
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" (310 cm)
Weight : 1043 lbs (473 kg)
Species : Human Cyborg
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Haki Level : 10
[[haoasc]][[busoasc]][[kenbunasc]]
Hitpoints (HP) : 750
Attack (ATK) : 800
Defense (DEF) : 600
Reflex (RX) : 715
Willpower (WP) : 650
Level : 100
Prestige : 8
Experience Points : 18000
Bounty : [ber=r] 5,000,000,000
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.20
Shop Discount : -30%
Berries : [ber] 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[childofdestiny]][[freakofnature]]
[[punchoutguru]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]
[[atkt6_sp]][[deft6]][[rxt6]][[wpt6]]
[[1needlelog]][[3needlelog]]
Posts : 3315
View user profile

Maryam al Shahar Empty Re: Maryam al Shahar

This post has assessment comments.Fri Nov 04, 2022 6:39 pm
Archiving this as a new bio was created.
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