[Episode] Cake and Presents

Quest Request:

“Haul it up boys!” The captain smirked as she saw the floating barrel, whatever goods some poor trader had lost were now hers for the taking; if the barrel contained anything of worth it could line her pockets nicely.

The crew of the Pink Tooth Pirates were quick to haul up their loot and present it to their fearless queen Abigail, with an eager grin she stuck the blade of her ax down between the barrel’s hull and its lid and unsealed the vessel.

She wasn’t all that impressed with what she saw lying at the bottom of the cask, a single teddy bear, half-white and half-black, but otherwise completely unremarkable.

That was, until it turned its head up and looked back at her, and spoke:

“Ey. Whaddyou want lady? I’m sleepin’ in ‘ere.”

The stuffed toy turned its face back down to the bottom of the barrel, as though trying to keep its “eyes” from being assaulted by the harsh daylight above. Instantly, Abigail, an amply-sized, mean-faced woman who always got what she wanted, picked the bear up from the bottom of the barrel and held him aloft by his scruff.

“So what’s your deal little man? Are you a fruit user or something? How long have you been floating around out there? You poor thing, please, let us take care of you~” The woman immediately seemed to show some affection for the strange little toy, speaking to him as though he were a cute little baby.

Stitches was not a cute little baby. He was the broken shell of a fragment of a grown man trapped in the body of a doll.

“AY GETCHER GRUBBY MITTS OFF ME YOU BITCH!” The teddy bear swatted at the hand that had planned to feed him, his little claws were surprisingly sharp, leaving deep scratch marks in the woman’s fat-hand and causing her to let the little guy free.

One of the woman’s servants emerged from the ship’s kitchen, wheeling out a large strawberry shortcake with a single large, appetizingly topped, slice already cut.

The stuffed toy plopped to the ground gracelessly, falling on his ass before standing back up to his full height of 1’3 inches, the little creature seemed to glare up at the woman using its red-button eye.

“Listen lady, thanks for breakin’ me outta the barrel, but I gotta go kill my mom. It’s great that you think I’m cute or whatever, but, eh– you ain’t really my type, you know? Anyways, later!” The bear turned its back on the now infuriated woman, jumping up and grabbing the piece of and munching down on it before dismissively waving his little paw back up at her.

The deck shook as the woman took a furious, lumbering step down toward Stitches, “I don’t know who the hell you think you are, little man. But you stole my cake, and I’m going to CUT YOU INTO TINY LITTLE PIECES!”

The woman put the full-weight of her hulking frame into the haft of her ax, bringing it down towards the stuffed bear and aiming straight for his midsection, where the color of the little toy variegated from pure white to pitch black.

As she heard the crunch of the deck below her ax, Abigail smiled a toothy grin, revealing her golden, rose-quartz studded tooth.

“Yipes! I don’t mean no offense gal!...” The teddy narrowly dodged the blade of the woman’s ax, and began running down the deck of the ship with tears streaking from his little button eyes, “... I just got places to be, yer kinda ugly, and I figured I’d grab a bite to eat before I started my little mom-murderin’ thing!!”

“I don’t know what you’re goin’ on about you little fucking bastard. But maybe if you’re saying no offense you ought to not insult the person in the VERY NEXT BREATH!” She swiped her ax toward the bear again, and he was again lucky not to die by her hand.

Furthering the bear’s streak of good luck, it seemed like the pirates’ vessel was nearing shore, he didn’t know what island he was coming up on the docks of, but anywhere was better than staying with this crew of whipped manservants. He just had to bide his time and wait for a chance to escape.

Word Count:

A few hours earlier...

After a long day - or couple weeks - of ignoring injuries, riding rafts on a stormy sea, and being a ship stowaway, Conrad sometimes liked to just relax on the beach with a sweet drink and a sweeter snack. Thankfully for him, this last island he stopped at managed to be perfect for that. He had managed to snag some kind of tropical juice and a large chocolate-frosted donut from the last ship he had 'hitchhiked' on, and was now comfortably resting on the shore. He had removed his leather jacket and rested upon it like a small beach towel as he enjoyed his sugary meal.

What did I overhear again, he asked himself. They were heading to... Batter Era? Battle Lira? He closed his eyes and scratched his head with his right hand holding the donut, trying to remember. Oh, right, Baterilla!

Conrad then tried to remember what he knew about this area, but came up completely blank. He remembered hearing something about Baterilla from bits and pieces of conversations he heard while hiding in the hold of his unwitting ride. Something about beaches? He glanced at his surroundings. Yeah, that checks out. Something about arts and crafts? Not really my thing, but could be something there that interests me. Something about families? Family-friendly I guess... doesn't really apply to me, huh? Never had one of those. Something about food going missing? No wait, they were probably talking about how I raided their galley. He let out a loud and sudden "Goworohorohoro!"

Conrad went to take another bite of his donut, only to find nothing but air. "Who stole my donut," he shouted, jumping to his feet. He was ready to take on the thief when he realized the truth. "...oh. I did." He blushed deeply and put his now-empty hand over his face in embarrassment. He quickly snapped out of it, however. Guess it is time to head into town and get more food!" He took three steps off of his jacket, then slowly faceplanted into the sand, dropping his empty cup. He shakily tried to stand back up, managing a crouch while holding his ribs, followed by a wobbly hunched stance, groaning slightly before sitting back down. "Okay... I might... be a bit more hurt than I thought. Maybe I'll take a nap..."

A little while later

Conrad woke up feeling somehow both refreshed and in a foul mood. On the one hand, his weariness and pain were gone for the most part. He hadn't had decent rest in quite some time! On the other hand, he woke up soaked and shivering. Where did all this water come from? He really had not taken tides into consideration when he chose his resting spot on the beach. Also, there was some guys taking his leather jacket and coin pouch. He would probably have to do something about that too.

Such as immediately grabbing and biting the leg of the closest of the three, the coin pouch thief. The thief yowled in pain, and started punching Conrad to get him off his leg. He did stop biting, but he also twisted his grip and body in such a way to trip the thief. Afterwards, he leapt to his feet and charged down the jacket nabber who swung around with a wild punch. Conrad ducked under it easily, and headbutted him down low. The first man stood up as the third approached their would-be victim.

"This is getting annoying," growled Conrad, "And I'm already in a bad mood.

Word Count:

Stitches’ scheming was quickly put to a halt, as one of the crewmen of the Pink Tooth Pirates swept him up by his scruff, calling back to his captain, [npc=pirt]“I got him boss! What do you want me to do with him?!”[/npc]

“Bring ‘im here!” The oversized lady called back.

Though the angry little bear fought against the man with all of his might, there was nothing the stuffed toy could do against the insurmountable might of a full grown adult. Nothing but scream anyways, “LET GO ‘A ME YOU NO GOOD SCUM SUCKING SLIMEBALL! YOU BETTER HOPE I NEVER GET LOOSE ‘R I’LL CLAW YER FUCKIN’ NUTS OFF!”

Despite much protest, Stitches was brought back to Abigail, and made to stand trial for his adorable little transgressions.

“Alright boy…” the pink-toothed pirate captain slammed the blunt end of her ax down on the stuffed toy’s head, “... you’re lucky I don’t kill you right now. But I think you’ll be a fun little plaything to keep around the ship; but first, I need to know what you plan to do to apologize for your awful behavior?”

Speaking up from a stunned stupor, the little creature retorted with an offer, “okay, okay, okay! No more! I’m sorry! Hmm, what can I do…”

The bear let his little imagination run wild, thinking of a way that he could atone for his sins.

“... okay lady, I know I said that you ain’t my type, but I will bear this burden: I’ll soap yer tits for ya,” the bear spoke with little beads of teardrops flowing from his eyes, his fist held to his chest, as though putting his hand over his heart.

“PERVERT!” Abigail slammed the bear with the flat of her ax, sending him tumbling down the deck and crashing into the rim of the ship’s bow.

“Somebody teach this teddy bear some damn manners! I’m headed back to my quarters!” The corpulent woman grabbed a large chunk from the cake that her crew had prepared for her, and began cramming it into her face along her way.

[npc=pirt]“Uh, hey, wait– boss?”[/npc] It was too late, she was already gone. So the man at the bow of the ship deferred nervously to the other men around him. Everybody quickly swarmed the bow to see what was going on; they didn’t like what they saw, a group of their sworn enemies: the Flavor Savor Pirates. It looked like the no-good crooks were robbing some poor kid down on the beach.

One of the crewmen quickly spoke up with a plan, “Alright, boss is headed for her room, there’s no stoppin ‘er. We got the flags rolled up now at this point, so hopefully these goons won't recognize that it's us until they see us. And we gotta get this little guy in line…”

The crewmen all turned their gazes menacingly toward Stitches.

“... alright, I think that I’ve got a plan. Go get a fishing rod.”

It wasn’t long before the pirates had docked their ship, and before they began disembarking from the ship, the crewmen of the Pink Tooth Pirates decided to play a little game. Seeing their enemies down on the beach, and having a nuisance to punish, they figured they’d kill two birds with one stone.

Stitches was pitched off of the deck of the ship, a length of fishing line tied around his waist. The stuffed toy landed gracelessly in the sand, crumpling into a pathetic, undignified, little pile. The bear glared back up to the crewmen, but reluctantly complied with their plan; if worse came to worst, at least they were planning to jump down and save him.

Waddling up to the tough-guys, the little toy spoke plainly and gruffly up to them, “Ey there dickweeds, why are you jackin’ that guy’s shit?”

“WHYHYUH!!...” The man let out a long, surprised, drawn out noise upon seeing the bizarre little bear; he thumbed his beard, and then licked his thumb, before speaking back down to the talking toy, “... who’re you talkin’ to like that ya little freak, I’ll beat your ass!”

With this, a small scuffle erupted, and the goons of the Flavor Savor Pirates began pummeling the rude homie; fortunately enough for the man they’d robbed, they’d scattered his stolen possessions along the beach before beginning the teddy bear’s assbeating.

Word Count:

Conrad was really getting sick of these bearded bandits. The few beardless ones among the group only took one strike to knock down and keep them down, but those with the dirty facial hair were becoming a real pain in the neck. How many were there, and how many times did he have to knock them down? And why did his ears hurt -

"Son of a snake," he 'swore' at the top of his lungs as he touched his tender ears. "They stole my earrings right out of my freaking ears! What is WRONG with these jerks?" He wiped the bit of blood on his right ear where the earring was removed a little less carefully than the other, and then saw red.

He chose the biggest, most obvious target - a round man whose 'blond' beard did not match his brown hair - and shoulder checked him to the ground. Standing over him, he pummeled the pirate, speaking on each pause of his punches. "Where! Are! My! Earrings," he shouted. "I can't! Have my! Ears! Pierced again!"

The pirate with the most tangled, knotted, crumb-filled multicolor beard glares at the beatdown. "Bumblebee," the man yelled, turning away from trying to beat up a stuffed animal. "What the heck are you doing? Kick his arse!"

"I'm trying to," 'Bumblebee' replied, shoving Conrad off of him. He slowly stood up as Conrad wiped his suddenly sticky and dusty hands on his pants. "He's stronger than he looks!"

Conrad was suddenly lifted up from behind by his armpits, held in another pirate's curled arms. "I got'im Cap'n," the pirate with a brown blobby beard exclaimed with joy. "Lookit, I got'im!"

"Good job, Sticky! Hold him for Bumblebee!"

"It's Satoshi," 'Sticky' whined.

"Yes, I know... 'Sticky' Satoshi! I didn't forget your name!"

"No... just Sato-... yes, y'right, Cap'n. Tha's m'name..."

Bumblebee had managed to get to his feet and approached the lifted Conrad, who was just thrashing but suddenly went surprisingly still. "It's payback time! That really hur- oof!"

Apparently Conrad wasn't as helpless in 'Sticky's' grip as he appeared, as he used the hold to swing his legs and kick Bumblebee in the stomach. He then swung his head back to strike his captor, who immediately dropped him. Both pirates rushed at him, but he then struck both with a roundhouse kick, knocking them both over again.

Conrad stopped his heavy panting with a deep breath, tightening then relaxing his fists. "Are you done yet," he asked. "Are you going to give back my stuff now or what?"

The captain tried to strike the strange stuffed bear one last time before walking towards Conrad. "How dare you do this to us," he growled with a scowl. "Don't you know who we are? Don't you know who I am?

"How dare I? Why would I care who you are? You robbed me!"

"Of course we did! It is not my fault your misfortune put you in the path of the legendary Flavor Savor Pirates! You have messed with Captain Tastebeard for the last time!

"Captain Tastebeard?"

"Yes! The one and only!"

"Flavor Savor Pirates?"

"Argh, that we are!"

"That's... dumb."

The already nasty complexion of 'Tastebeard' became redder and his veins bulged on his forehead. "Dumb? DUMB!? You think one of the greatest pirate gangs and their captain are dumb!?"

"Yeah, and what's with the animal cruelty? Why are you beating up that tiny... cat? Raccoon? What is that?"

Word count:

“I’m a teddy bear filled with the nightmarish existential suffering of a broken soul! U-pu-pu-pu-pu!” Though the men had wailed on the little guy a little bit, they hadn’t actually cut him, shot him, or really damaged his body in any meaningful way; for the inanimate object, pain was certainly a reality, but it was more a vestigial remnant of the bear’s prior humanity than an actual indicator of the status of his body.

“He's got a way oversized attitude for such a tiny body too! You and him both, short little loud-mouthed brat!!” Tastebeard shouted back as he punted the stuffed doll a couple feet down the beach.

Pulling his face up from the sand, the bear still seemed to wear a wicked little grin as he chimed up to the enemy of his enemy, “u-pu-pu – he just called ya short, short like me, ‘n I’m way too short.”

The stuffed bear awkwardly flopped his body forward, sitting up to a height of about a foot before looking up into Conrad’s soul with his weird, beady, little eyes, “Listen man, I’m just a teddy bear, I can’t do nothin’ ‘bout these guys beatin’ my ass n’ callin’ me whatever they want. But if I was still a full-ass adult grown man, not some fresh-faced baby boy, personally I wouldn’t stand for that.”

“Ha! Even the stupid toy knows you’re a punk, kid! Just a good-for-nothin’ wannabe who's in way over your head!”

Though the doll was utterly powerless, the menacing glare that it shot back to the pirate sent chills down his spine.

“I ain’t sayin’ all that, guy. What I’m really sayin’ is…” a look of terrible mischief washed over the face of the toy, “... if ya don’t wanna be a short good-for-nothin’ wannabe punk, FUCK THESE GUYS UP! MAKE ‘EM REGRET BEING BORN! BEAT THEIR ASSES TILL THEY CALL UNCLE!”

Meanwhile, Back Aboard the Pink-Tooth’s Ship

[npc=pirt]“So uh, do you think we should go down there and help those two? It is one against three, and the kid’s already done all the gruntwork,”[/npc] One of the crewmen watched the spectacle of Conrad and the Flavor Savors' fight with a bit of growing concern.

“Eh. He hasn’t passed out yet. Plus the bear’s still being rude…” the man holding the fishing rod was much more relaxed than his crewmate, taking a drag off his cigarette and thinking a bit on the matter, “... alright, we’ll help the kid and punish the bear. Will that make ya happy buddy?”

The more sympathetic of the two nodded toward his ally with watery eyes and pursed lips.

With this confirmation, the man holding the fishing pole abruptly yanked it upward. As soon as the bear had finished speaking his words of encouragement to Conrad, as though yanked skywards by a cruel and merciless god, Stitches was sent flying.

“YOU GODDAMN SONS OF BITCHES!” The bear’s voice faded into the distance as he screamed at the men pulling his strings.

However, Stitches wasn’t gone for long.

Careening back down to earth like a meteor, the teddy bear was forcefully whipped downwards, colliding with the back of Tastebeard’s head and sending the pirate tumbling down to the ground.

“Owie…” the little bear whined in pain from his resting place on the back of the pirate captain’s neck. Though Tastebeard was still conscious, he had been knocked down to the sands of the beach, and was clearly disoriented by the impact.

Word Count:

There were many things Conrad thought that little creature could be. Maybe it was a strange-looking cat. It could be a tanuki. Perhaps it was even a Zoan user in a strange hybrid form.

But a talking teddy bear? A haunted or possessed talking stuffed animal was not on his list of possibilities. It took a couple beats before recognition of the situation struck. His eyes sparkled with excitement, and he had the biggest, dumbest grin on his face.

Conrad had so many questions for the the stuffed animal. How and why does it have a soul? How does it move? Where did it come from? Did Tastebeard just call them both 'short?'

Wait. Did he?

Conrad's mood did a complete 360 from when the fight first started, now back to his pissed-off animal state of mind. The teddy bear confirmed that he heard him right! And he was right, there was no way he would take this lying down!

"How dare you call me 'short,'" he fumed. If he was any angrier, steam would be spouting out of his ears and the veins in his head would explode. "Is that why you're robbing me? Do you see me as a small ant for you to step on? A tiny speck of dust? You think stealing from me is like taking candy from a baby? You're going to pay for saying that stuff about me!"

"But I didn't-" Tastebeard began to reply. What the heck was the shorty talking about? Before he could finish his sentence, however, the teddy bear 'decided' to 'viciously attack' him. For such a small, supposedly soft stuffed animal, the impact practically flattened the captain.

"Way to go," Conrad furiously cheered. He gave an angry, manic grin and a piercing stare at the downed captain. "My turn!" He squatted and concentrated, and suddenly his body transformed. He gained an inch of height and many pounds of muscle. Black fur covered his body except for a white stripe of fur from the top of his head to down his back. His ears shrank, his face elongated, and his hands and feet - now without shoes - grew huge claws.

Tastebeard saw this through a daze. He shook his head, trying to clear out the impact-induced mental fog, but the transformation didn't disappear. It was real. "Wait... um... can't we talk about this?"

Using his newly-transformed, powerful legs, Conrad launched himself into the air. Only a couple inches off the ground, he transformed again, into a much smaller form. All the physical changes transferred over, except instead of a muscular humanoid form, he became more weasel-like. Now lighter but with the thrust of the bigger form, he was able to gain more height from his earlier jump.

"Hole-bear...

"No... really, let's talk-"

At the top of his jump, he transformed back into the human-animal hybrid form, hurtling down towards Tastebeard. He slammed down with his claws and full weight, creating a loud crash and a cloud of sand.

"HAMMER!

When the cloud cleared, Tastebeard was crushed, and Conrad - once again human - was kicking the heavily-injured pirate. "I! AM! NOT! SHORT!"

word count:

It wasn’t long before the Flavor Savors were all but torn apart in a furious whirlwind of mustelid rage. Stitches was slumped down on the ground, head still spinning from the disorientation of being whipped around on a fishing line; but even in this state, he was astounded by what he witnessed, he was happy to see that his taunting had helped provoke the guy to such lengths.

“U-pu-pu…” the haunted toy giggled up from the sand, “... good fuckin’ work man.”

After this, the doll slumped over completely, almost appearing to look like a mundane plaything strewn amongst Conrad’s possessions that had been scattered across the sand.

As soon as it seemed like the doll had gone lifeless, and as though the Honey Badger had ceased his rampage; several men dressed in the pink-striped shirts of the Pink-Tooth pirates uniform descended from the ship above.

They were quick to make their peaceful intentions known to the rageful little dude, “Well done! Those guys have given us trouble for a while, but you made quick work of ‘em!”

One of the men amongst the group seemed a bit more nervous, speaking to his compatriot, [npc=pirt]“Is the teddy bear dead man? Abigail’s going to be pissed if we killed her new talking toy…”[/npc] he then ran over to stitches limp body, and shook the little toy as he spoke, [npc=pirt]“... hey, are you alright man? Come on! Speak to me!”[/npc]

The doll’s head tumbled back and forth limply as Pippoko shook him back and forth.

[npc=pirt]“Oh no! Oh no! Captain Abigail is going to be so mad at us! I think that impact was too much for him, aniki!”[/npc] Cowering, the wide-eyed pirate began to sulk and cry, anticipating the wrath of his tyrant of a leader.

The more cool-headed of the two, Hippoko, eyed the bear with some scrutiny. Even as his brother in arms held the doll limp, the doll’s head seemed to be shaking, “he’s faking.”

Stitches couldn’t choke back his laughter anymore, “U-pu-pu-pu-pu-puaaa! You idiot! You absolute fucking buffoon! Now I know the rules! YOU LOSERS CAN’T AFFORD TO TREAT ME TOO ROUGHLY BUDDY! BEST FUCKIN’ REMEMBER!...”

Even as he was ranting, for a moment the doll seemed to go limp again for a moment.

“... I’m right on the windy precipice of psychic annihilation at all times. If you want a cute little talkin’ teddy bear runnin’ around your ship, you gotta treat me nice! You found me floatin’ in a barrel after months! Whaddya think I was doin’ in there? Dancin’ my little fuckin’ booty off?”

Pippoko’s eyes bulged out of his head with a mouth-wide-open shocked expression as he tried to comprehend what the bear was saying, [npc=pirt]“uhh – no? What were you doing in there little guy?”[/npc]

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Do you know what it’s like to be dead big guy? Cause I sure fuckin’ do, I’ve played dead for the better part of my life, and I’m happy to go back to sleep if you wanna make my life a DAMN WAKING NIGHTMARE!”

For a moment, the little bear’s words hung heavy in the air.

Word Count:

Conrad's animal rage gave him the power to ravage the Flavor Savor Pirates, but it had a minor drawback - it took a little while for him to calm down. "Who else wants to call me short," he roared, looking for any other challengers. "Who has my stuff! Give it back before... I... oh." After realizing everyone was already defeated, he slowed his panting breathing and took a couple deep breaths. "Yeah... you guys can't help me while unconscious, can you?"

There was someone who was not a Flavor Savor pirates. A witness and an ally. That teddy bear might have seen something. Conrad shifted back to full human with a sigh, and approached the talking toy. He crouched down and tried to tap him on the shoulder. "Hey, thanks for the help. You really got that weirdo good! Sorry to ask, but have you seen where all my stuff went?"

It was then that he realized the stuffed animal stopped moving, as if it had never been alive in the first place. Conrad's brow scrunched and his head tilted. "Um... you really are alive, right? I didn't just hallucinate this whole thing... right? I didn't think I was doing that bad..." He took a few steps back and rubbed his eyes with his middle finger and thumb on his right hand.

It did not take long after both Conrad and the stuffed animal went still that the Pink Tooth Pirates disembarked from their ship to join them at the shore. One of them gives Conrad praise about defeating their enemies quickly, to which he shrugged. "Hey," he replied nonchalantly. "They stole my stuff and made fun of me. I wasn't going to do nothing and let them get away with it. By the way..." He trailed off, staring suspiciously at the newcomers. "Who are you, again?

When the pirates started freaking out about the teddy bear 'dying,' Conrad's eyes opened further. "Wait... so the teddy bear was moving and did meteor body slam the captain! I knew I wasn't seeing things from lack of sleep! Why... why isn't it moving now?"

He leaned in closer to examine the teddy bear, which suddenly sprang to life, causing him to spring backwards onto his butt. "Aagh! It's alive! Heh. Ha... gowo... Goworohorohoro!" He burst out laughing, slapping his knee. "That was a good one, bear! You got them good! Even I thought you might have died!"

However, the atmosphere soon grew cold and tense. Conrad's humor died with the mood. This was much heavier stuff than what he was expecting to hear from a teddy bear - although he wasn't expecting to hear anything from a teddy bear.

"Oh. Wow. I'm... I'm real sorry. Alone in a barrel, for months? That must've sucked! Nothing to do, no light, no food... uh... do you even eat? I heard teddy bears have tea parties and picnics or something. I could go for a snack -" He caught himself rambling, then shook his head. "A-anyways, glad you're out of there."

Word count:

Hippoko looked to Conrad, and then gestured around the beach, “looks like they threw your stuff all over the place when the fight broke out. I don’t think I saw any of it get washed up by the tide, so if you pick these guys over hopefully all your stuff will be there?”

Once it seemed like the young man had collected himself, Stitches turned to Conrad and looked up to him with a bright glint in his button eyes, “don’t worry about it man. You’ve done nothin’ but brighten my first day out of the cask! These guys on the other hand…” the teddy bear pointed nonchalantly back at the Pink-Tooth pirates with his black paw, “... these guys are real pieces of work. You should see their captain, she’s really got these losers whipped.”

As soon as the bear spoke these words, the earth beneath the men trembled, and a small sandstorm was whipped up from the force of the woman’s fall. If the doll still had a spine, a chill would have run down it, he made one last comment to Conrad before slumping over, “hey, speak of the devil and she shall appear. She’s the one who’s really made my day shitty. Time to play nice for little miss tyrant!”

“Ke-kikikikikiki! Good work boys! Did you wipe out all of the Flavor Savors all by yourself? I’ve been wantin’ to get my hands on Tastebeard for years now!” With this proclamation, she struck the back of her fallen enemy’s head with the blunt end of her ax before letting out another bellowing laugh.

[npc=pirt]“Uh, no, almost none of it was us, boss,”[/npc] Pippoko spoke up, much to Hippoko’s chagrin.

“Eh? Who did it then?” The big boss threw her ax over her shoulder and scratched her chin curiously.

“It was that young man, Captain Abigail,” Hippiko gestured over to Conrad.

Once Abigail laid eyes on Conrad and Stitches, a wide, motherly grin washed across her face. Her heavy footsteps shook the sand beneath as she made her way over to the two; she was quick to snatch the teddy bear up by his scruff and begin cuddling the cute little creature affectionately.

“Cute widdle bear~, did you learn your lesson?”

As he dangled in the woman’s clutches, the teddy bear crossed his arms, and his beady little button eyes glimmered with rage; but the toy held its tongue, and prevented himself from letting out the deluge of insulting thoughts that were flooding in his mind.

Abigail took Stitches’ silence as a sign of compliance, and turned her attention to the cute, short, little man, “You’ve done me a huge favor little guy…” the woman’s towering bulk loomed high above Conrad’s own height, though she would do much the same even to an average height’ man, standing at a height of 8’9, “... what do you say we have some cake then head into town? I’ve got some business to settle, if you can help me out I’d be happy to cut you some of the profits. Here, have this as a token of my appreciation for what you’ve already done.”

The woman produced a bright pink iridescent pearl from a sack at her waist, handing it down to Conrad with a bright smile; the gem looked as though it would fetch a handsome price, and the big lady seemed almost eager to continue to line the badger-man’s pockets.

Word Count:

While listening to Hippoko and Stitches, Conrad picked the pockets of various fallen pirates. A couple coins here and there to add to his coin pouch were an added bonus, but his main goal was to search for anything that was taken from him. Eventually, he found one of the things he was looking for. There was now a glint in his hand.

"Ha! My awesome pirate earrings! Been looking for these!" Conrad dusted them off and wiped them with his shirt. He then closed his eyes while slightly trembling, attempting to place them back in his ears. He pricked his ears a couple times, but after a few not-quite-swears, he managed to get them in. "Much better. I... hate doing that." He had turned pale for a few seconds, but the color quickly returned to his skin.

He succeeded just in time, too, as it felt like there were localized earthquakes that would have made that much harder. Conrad stumbled slightly at the impact but managed to maintain his footing. 'Little miss tyrant' had arrived. Her grand entrance left him stunned for a moment. He looked her up and down - mostly up.Wow, she's huge, he mused. Wonder what's so bad about her?

When the Pink Tooth Pirates discussed the defeat of their rivals, it brought a proud toothy grin to Conrad's face. He had done all by himself - with a little help from a flying bear - what had eluded an entire pirate crew! Of course, there was probably more to that, extenuating circumstances and all that, but in the moment, he could at least pretend he was as strong as an entire crew combined. "Goworoho..." he quietly chuckled to himself, arms crossed while standing 'tall'.

That bubble of pride was quickly popped by Abigail. The first thing she said to him was calling him a 'little guy?' Anger fizzed up through Conrad, causing him to shake once more. His fists and his jaw all clenched. However, his anger was partially mollified with the rest of her words, and with the pretty pearl offered to him. He snatched up the pearl and examined it.

Conrad took a deep breath in then let it out in a loud sigh. While still tense, he seemed a bit calmer. "Wow, thanks," he managed to 'cheerfully' say. "This really is nice. And you want to give me work? I appreciate it." He even appeared to actually calm down. "Yeah, I'll help out! I'll even not be mad about being called 'little.' Heh, besides, I'm sure you see everyone as little, right?"

Word Count:

Abigail couldn’t tell whether the boy was insulting her weight or not the way he coached his words, she decided to let it slide; only gently ribbing back at the lad in response, “Aw, you don’t like being called widdle~? That’s so cute!”

The massive woman spoke down to Conrad, and touched her hands to her face, as though to feign covering a blush. Though she thought the pirate was cute, she thought all boys were cute, and that all boys shared another trait: disposability.

“Alright, my name is Captain Abigail Sirenia, pleasure to meet you!” Would you like some cake before we make our way into town?...” A bright grin flashed across the woman’s face as she looked to the rough-and-tumble little fellow, and then toward one of Baterilla's nearby villages, “... I’d love to get to know you young man~”

Abigail snapped her fingers and pointed up to her ship, and descending down from ropes a pair of servers held a domed platter and a serving table, another pair leapt down holding chairs. In a matter of moments, the servants of the Pink-Tooth pirates had set up a pleasant little morning cake platter for two, complete with two small teacups filled with a pleasant-smelling lavender brew.

The cake was unveiled swiftly by a demure, mustachioed man: it was a beautiful lemon sponge cake, topped with a small variety of berries that glistened atop it like gemstones. The captain eyed the pastry gluttonously for a moment before taking a seat, the chair strained beneath her; but even the furniture had been whipped to shape, and it managed to support the woman’s weight.

“Take a seat, have some cake! What’s your name, honey?~”

As the woman seemed distracted, Stitches managed to sneak away for a moment before she snatched him up and stuffed him into her bag of pearls, “Upua!! Hey, come on lady. I’m tryin’ to be a good bear, but this is a bit much.”

“Quiet you! Be polite, you’re at the table!” With this, Abigail stuffed the head of the teddy down into the bag and he was fully engulfed amongst her sack of valuables.

Meanwhile, a Local Mafia Member Lurks in the Back Alleys of Baterilla…

[npc=misc]I Wonder she’s buyin’ or sellin’ this time?[/npc] Morello checked his watch, she wasn’t late. Yet. Fortunately, the pirate was profitable enough to work with to justify working on “Abigail time.”

The soldier and the pirate captain had developed a symbiotic relationship over the years. Since her crewmen were disposable to her, she was often in need of “new recruits,” and whenever she’d fully staffed her own crew and managed to capture members of another; she was happy to sell them back to her favorite dealer.

[npc=misc]Whatever the case, I’m sure we’ll both make an excellent profit.[/npc] The man put his palm to his face and chuckled to himself, buying and selling human beings had become second nature to him; it was absurd to him that people would oppose this business, it was so damn lucrative!

Word Count:

Just when Conrad was willing to let the 'little' remark slide, he gets hit with the captain's teasing. He instantly felt like he was a little kid again. "I am not cute," he fumed, looking away in 'contempt' for her comment, though really to hide his blush. "I'm a pirate, not a kid or a stuffed animal! Er... He glanced over at Stitches apologetically. "No offense."

If all went well after that, he would accept the introduction. "It is nice to meet you too. I was not expecting to run into trouble, but I'm glad it helped you out."

Soon it actually became nice to meet her in Conrad's mind. The mere mention of cake had his full attention. His eyes sparkled and a smile slowly spread across his face. Although he was making fists, it was clearly not out of anger as he shook them with childlike excitement. "If you're offering cake, then I'd be glad to get to know you too, Miss Abigail!"

Conrad was expecting to go into the ship, or have stuff brought out carefully. He was not prepared for the excellent sky service of the crew. "Gwaah! Incredible! You really know how to run your crew! They are amazing!"

When the cake was revealed, Conrad had to hold back from salivating over it. It was the most beautiful sight he had beheld in a long time. The softness of the cake... the juiciness of the berries... the perfect thickness of the frosting... even before tasting it, he knew it was perfect. The sweet aroma of the cake mixed with that of the tea was almost intoxicating.

Conrad did his best to contain his excitement and hunger. "Wow... you have talented bakers aboard this ship! I don't think I could come close to making such an amazing... delicious-looking... wonderful... beautiful..." He trailed off, practically hypnotized by the cake. He clears his throat and his head. "Eheh... great cake, he finished lamely, flushed with embarrassment.

After being asked his name, and after making himself look like a fool, he decided to try to make up for it with information while distracting himself from the cake. "I'm Conrad Sagal," he said proudly.  "I'm a pirate... without a crew... or ship..."

He quickly felt him making a fool of himself once more and his voice fizzled out. He then tried to build his confidence back up. "Oh, and I ate a Devil Fruit that gave me honey badger powers. I can transform into a powerful beast or an agile badger. I also have some experience baking, if that matters." He extended a hand towards Abigail. "Nice to meet you too! Anything else you want to know about me? And maybe I can ask you some questions?"

word count:

[/color]

“Ooh~ You don’t have a crew or a ship you say? Not to mention you’re a proper power user, we could really use someone like you around here~ Perhaps we could come to some kind of arrangement?~ Ask away young man, and have as much cake as you’d like~” Abigail was getting along with Conrad off the bat, and was all too pleased to continue buttering the boy up; she wondered what questions she’d have for him, hopefully she wouldn’t have to fabricate too much on the spot.

Hippoko and Pippoko looked amongst themselves nervously; if Abigail had her eyes set on a new crewmate, then she might have some “old toys” to throw away. Most of the men were used to the routine at this point, the Pink-Tooth pirates had an ever-rotating cast of uniformed men, as soon as the Captain set her eyes on a new crewmate she’d “liquidate” one or more of the former crewmen. Both of the men feared that they might be the next men to find their “employment” in the crew terminated.

The oversized woman daintily picked at her cake, almost being careful so as not to appear too eager to gobble the dessert up. Still, as she chatted with Conrad, she began to notice that her cake was disappearing rather quickly for how small of bites she was taking. She cut herself another piece, a bit confused, and carried on with the conversation.

As soon as she leaned over and poured herself a cup of tea, when she returned to her seat, she noticed that the rest of her piece of cake had disappeared as soon as she’d taken her eyes off of it. The woman was furious, she began to piece together what had happened; opening up her sack of pearls she saw him: the little teddy bear, his plush mouth covered with frosting, her sack of valuables had been littered with the crumbs of the haunted doll’s munching.

As soon as a break formed in Conrad and Abigail’s conversation, she turned down and ripped the bear out of her sack, “Bad bear! You haven’t learned a damn thing! You’re still the same rude, perverted little miscreant you always were!”

A wicked glimmer filled the teddy bear’s red-beaded eye, “U-pu-pu-pu. Yup. One thing I’ll say about bein’ in that little sack, yer boobs look pretty alright from beneath, lady.”

“Ugh! Get out of here!” The woman hurled the bear down the beach, sending him rolling and tumbling into a bank of sand.

“I’m so sorry Conrad, please continue…”

As Conrad and Abigail Carry Out their Conversation, Stitches Starts Running…

Standing up and dusting his little plush body off, Stitches looked back to the table; while he appreciated what Conrad had done for him, it seemed like Abigail was momentarily distracted and the doll wasn’t about to pass up the chance to escape from the tyrant’s clutches.

At first, he snuck away inch by inch, but once he thought he was far enough away that nobody would notice him waddling away, Stitches made a “run” for it.

Unfortunately for the little toy, he was spotted; and he was spotted by a pair of men who needed to prove to their captain that they were still useful: Hippoko and Pippoko. As the teddy bear looked back and saw the two men chasing after him, he dove into the scarce plantlife that separated the beach of the island from the settlements within.

Word Count:

Could this be it? Could Conrad's long search finally be over? Has he found his forever-crew? Despite what the cursed teddy bear was saying about her, Abigail did not seem that bad. Sure, there was a little teasing, but he could endure that if she was his captain... and possibly friend? It did seem like the kind of teasing a friend would do, didn't it?

"Are you... are you asking me to join your crew," Conrad asked hesitantly. He really hoped he wasn't misreading the situation. Despite his concern, he pressed on. "Because if you are, I think I might like that. You have a great crew, and you are very sweet and cool."

However, Conrad did still have questions and concerns. Well, Abigail did say he could ask her some questions over cake. "Let's see... why are you a pirate?"[/b] When he realized that question could be taken badly, he threw up his hands in a hopefully-placating gesture.  "Not questioning your skills or anything," he assured Abigail with a friendly smile, "quite the opposite. I'm sure you could be anything you want, what made you choose piracy? What kinds of goals do you have? How many people are on your crew? Do you plan on going to the Grand Line? How often would I get to have cake? What's your favorite kind of cake? I personally like strawberry shortcake, but I don't know if there is such a thing as a bad kind of cake. And... wow, this cake is freaking delicious!"

He was completely unaware that his probing questions had devolved into ramblings about dessert. It did not help that he had begun to eat the delicious cake offered to him. His first bite nearly sent him to heaven with how divine it tasted. The cake-greed shown on his face versus his terrible restraint was a visual struggle. He tried to control himself, taking nibbles of cake and sips of tea, but his own cake was disappearing faster and faster - and not with the help of a talking stuffed animal. Soon his face was covered with cake, and his share had completely vanished. "Thish ish goot cake! Thanksh! If I could have cake like this every week, I'd be the happiest pirate on any sea!"

It was soon after this moment that the perverted bear revealed its crass nature to Conrad. He silently stared at Stitches in shock. How could such sour words come out of such a sweet-looking stuffie? It was a few moments before Conrad started blinking again, and fast. "Uh... what."

Suddenly, though, Conrad burst into laughter. "Goworohorohoro! That bear's an idiot! No wonder he was stuck in a barrel! He probably deserved it!"

After calming down from the laughter, Conrad sighed and shook his head. "Sorry Miss Abigail," he softly said. "That was really rude of that bear. I wasn't laughing at you, just surprised at the guts of that bear. Anyways, what did you want my help with?"

Word count:

Answering the boy’s questions as they spoke, Abigail gave Conrad all of the answers that he’d asked for; he hadn’t pressed her all that hard, and it seemed that he was a real sweet tooth, so he’d be easy to bribe…

“Why am I a pirate?! Oh dear, it’s been a long time since anybody asked that! I took to the high seas for the loot! There’s no way to make a truly honest livin’ in this world, either you’re getting ground down to dust so someone else can turn a buck, or you’re screwin’ somebody else over…”

Abigail withdrew a large pink pearl from her pouch and fixed her gaze on it, looking into the luster of the stone with an avaricious glint in her eyes.


“... I became a pirate because this way I can take whatever I want and live a life where nobody can tell me what to do! Me and my hundred boys are going to rule the South Blue one day!”

It was at the point that Conrad inquired about the Grand Line that the rude teddy bear interrupted and was thrown away from the table. It took the large woman a moment to regain her bearings and composure before she turned back to her potential recruit; she suspected that this would be the sole point of contention with the boy.

“I don’t know if we’re headed for the Grand Line anytime soon Conrad, are you in a real rush to get there or something?” The woman turned away from her riches, and looked down at the young man inquisitively, hoping that her lack of worldly ambitions wouldn't be a dealbreaker.

Meanwhile, Crawling Through the Undergrowth…

This was more than a matter of escape now. This was war, and war is hell.

The stuffed toy crawled on his stomach, being careful not to make much noise as he shuffled along the ground toward freedom. The man above him tramped through the brush, clearing bushes away with their swords and calling out to demand he reveal himself.

“Bear! Come back here! You have no idea how much trouble you’re in! Who told you that you could leave?”

Oh fuck off man, just ‘cause you’re taller than me doesn’t mean ya get to talk like a fuckin Marine drill sargeant, Stitches barely kept these thoughts to himself as he continued crawling on his belly. He could see it: the streets of the Baterilla village, the streets were only a few more meters away; and once he’d gotten to the township itself, he hoped that he could find a moment to fade into the busy urban environment and give his pursuers the slip.

As the stuffed animal made his way toward liberation, a couple of tourists (likely out on some romantic vacation) found themselves a bit concerned with the men who were swinging their swords into the village’s greenery.

“Hey, uh, what are you guys doing?” Sliding his sunglasses down his nose, the man stood in front of his fairer companion and quirked an eyebrow at the pirates’ erratic and destructive behavior.

[npc=pirt]“Hey, mind your own business man!”[/npc] Though Pippoko was the more cowardly of the two, he excelled when it came to menacing innocent civilians. The pirate pointed his sword towards the couple, and made his way to the streets of Baterilla to keep them from interfering with his crewmate’s search.

Word Count:

While Conrad was intently devouring his cake, he still had enough focus remaining to listen to Captain Abigail. It seemed that greed was a major reason for her choice to become a pirate.
Well, nothing wrong with that, he thought. Can't say that treasure doesn't help drive me! He subconsciously patted his coin pouch that he put his new pearl in - then realized he just smeared cake gunk all over it. He looked around for napkins to wipe it off and clean his hands. How he managed to get it on his hands in the first place when he had a fork was a mystery to him.

Abigail then added the part about making an honest living being impossible and about being able to do what you want. This resonated much more deeper, earning an enthusiastic nod from Conrad. He swallowed loudly, then leaned in. "Yeah, yeah, you get it," he exclaimed. As he talked, his words got faster and faster. "Freedom to do what you want, when you want, and be who you want!" He raised his glass in an attempted toast. "To freedom! No dealing with anyone higher up than the captain of your ship - and that's you, anyway, Miss Abigail! I don't like someone telling someone, to tell another someone, to tell me what to do, when the first someone isn't even on the same ship or island as me! Oh, but... "

He paused, seemingly deep in thought. "If you rule the South Blue... wouldn't you become one of them? Or... would you find a way to make an honest living possible for others? Or is this 'rule' more of an expression, meaning the most powerful pirate on the South Blue?"

Conrad did not dwell on that for long, however. The Grand Line question was responded to with another question, which he responded back with a laugh. "Goworohorohoro, definitely not! There's no way I'm ready for the Grand Line!" He gave a messy, cakey grin and leaned back in his chair, before washing the cake down with more tea. "I'm pretty dang strong, but I've got some growing to do!

He froze, thinking over his words, then looked away. "N-not literal growing! I'm not small! I'm inexperienced! I have a lot to learn and do before I'm ready!" Rather than his usual guffaw, he uttered a more generic - and insincere - laugh to cover his embarrassment.

 

Word count:

Abigail was relieved to hear that the young man wasn’t dead set on headed to the Grand Line, “I understand what you mean Conrad, don’t worry…”

The woman cooed her words in a motherly tone, trying to put her new ally’s worries at ease, “... as for the South Blue: no, I don’t intend on trying to take over the islands themselves; the seas themselves are where the real money is. It’s a lot easier to get people to go along with your demands when the alternative is drowning in a sinking ship, no? And when your marks go along with your demands, the whole process is easier for everybody and hardly anyone has to die~”

Abigail threw a last morsel of cake to her mouth and savored it with a wide and blissful smile. After a moment, the heavyset woman stood from her chair and began walking down the beach toward the beachside Baterilla village, beckoning Conrad to follow.

“Let's get a move on! I have somebody I’d like you to meet!” As she turned away from Conrad, a sinister glint flashed across the woman’s eyes and her smile turned from motherly to wicked in an instant. Though she thought the badger boy could be useful, he seemed a bit too goodhearted and stubborn to fall in line with the rest of her crew; at this point, the woman had berri in her eyes, as she figured that a servant with the powers of a devil fruit would fetch a decent price with her business partner.

Escape to the Village

As Pippoko menaced the locals, a crowd of people quickly began to gather around to get a look at the chaos. Stitches saw it there, between the legs of the crowd, beneath the skirts of the women: his perfect opportunity to escape the pirates.

Springing from the bushes, the stuffed animal broke into an all out sprint, he ran as fast as his tiny little legs could carry him putting all of the strength of his fluffy body into his movement. Stitches escaped from the Pink-Tooth crewmen, fleeing at about the speed that (for a human) would be considered a brisk walk.

It was fortunate that the crowd was distracted by the unfolding fight, otherwise people might have taken note of the walking teddy bear that was scrambling through the crowd and taking peeks at women’s underwear.

After his raunchy little escape, Stitches came to an alleyway; standing there, leaned up against one of the walls was a shady-looking character checking his timepiece. One of the few advantages of being the size and softness of a toy, was Stitches’ ability to sneak around and look like a relatively unassuming object to those who weren’t already aware of his status as a “talking doll.”

Sneaking up to the edge of a trash can before slumping himself up against it, Stitches got a closer look at the guy. He looked like a mafia member…

Word Count:

It came as quite a comfort to both of them that Conrad's views on the Grand Line synched up nicely with his potential captain. His chagrin at his own word choices also seemed to fly by without comment, assuaging his embarrassment. Abigail's explanation of her goals, however, left him feeling a bit conflicted on joining her crew. He rubbed his full belly now that he had finished off the cake, and sighed contently.

"Ah, traditional piracy," Conrad said with a grin. "Not the biggest fan, but definitely not against it. Really depends on the targets... and any ship I'd feel bad about targeting would probably not be worth targeting. After all, innocent people don't usually have a lot of loot, do they? You said so yourself - it is impossible to make an honest living, right? So if you go after nice people, you'd be shortchanging yourself. Jerks are the ones with the money to steal."

He then gave the slightest of partial squints. "Unless you pillage towns... that I'm against, to tell the truth. Too many people you don't want to hurt can get hurt. I'm glad you are after ships and stuff. And I'm glad you don't want too many deaths. I'm not incapable of killing, but it is never my first, second, or third choices, you know?"

After eating the delicious cake, it was now time for Conrad to repay Abigail's hospitality. He slowly stood up from his seat and stretched, arms high above his head. "So..." he asked, "Where are we going, Miss Abigail? And what do I need to do?"

A shiver went down Conrad's spine when Abigail turned away while mentioning someone she wants him to meet. He couldn't understand why there were warning signals going off in his head. She seemed really nice, and hasn't done anything to warrant suspicion. On the other hand, it wouldn't hurt to be the tiniest bit paranoid. After all, he hasn't always been the best judge of characters. Until then, he'd follow her wherever she went, but keep his eyes and ears wide open for signs of trouble. He hated to be ungrateful after that wonderful cake, though...

Word count:

As Abigail and Conrad made their way into the village, they were instantly immersed in the island’s cabana mojo; tourists walked about carrying cocktails and finely crafted souvenirs, the smell of the salty air wafted in from the beach, and the sounds of music filled the streets. The walk toward their rendezvous point was so vibrant and mirthful that it was difficult to notice a certain pair of pirates being dragged away by buff (mafia associated) bouncers.

While things were reasonably safe for tourists, if not overpriced and a bit debaucherous, any troublemakers looking to start shit on the mafia’s turf were handled with extreme prejudice; with this, Pippoko and Hippoko were dragged away to answer for their intrusion on the “syndicate’s” business.

Drawing nearer the alleyway, Abigail spoke back to the badger-man, “what do you think an innocent person is? People who just fall in line with whatever the bigger fish tell them? Islands aren’t worth the trouble, but as far as I’m concerned, once you’ve set sail into these Blue Seas you’ve accepted everything that comes with that. Innocence is an overrated concept Conrad, it’s just a shield that weak people like to hide behind when they don’t want to accept the way the world works. If you want anything in this world, you have to take it; and if you want to hold onto anything, then you have to be able to defend it.”

It was as though as soon as the oversized woman’s warped morality started to shine through, the duo had appeared directly in the belly of the beast; ushering the young man into the alleyway, Abigail gave Conrad his instructions, “all you have to do is present yourself well while we negotiate the terms of your work with the crew!”

With this, another voice echoed down the alley, welcoming the pirate and her prey, [npc=misc]“Abigail! Fantastic to see you and your new recruit! Regarding our, other, business– are you buying or selling?”[/npc]

The mafia soldier spoke in coached terms, making it seem as though he wasn’t sizing up the short fellow by Abigail’s side as they spoke.

“Selling, but I’d like to introduce you to somebody, Morello! This is my new friend Conrad! He’s quite the fighter, he kept those Flavor Savor boys from even making it off the beach using the power of his Devil Fruit! He’s a young man of culture who seems to enjoy the finer things in life such as cake and tea!”

[npc=misc]“Ha! Cake, eh? We’ve some of the finest here in Baterilla! Tell me Conrad, what do you think you bring to a pirate crew?”[/npc] The mustachioed man wore an overly friendly grin on his face as he tried to begin evaluating the young man’s value as a laborer.

Peeking out from amongst the trash, the teddy bear watched as the thinly guised slave trade began to unfold, seriously? Who on earth would be dumb enough to fall for a trap like this?

Word Count:

The longer Conrad walked and talked with Abigail, the more his confidence in joining her crew crumbled away. Even the beauty and the bustle of the beach life could not distract him from the growing pit in his stomach. Her views on innocence being an excuse for being weak, and his inference that she'd attack anybody if she thought the monetary cost would be worth the rewards, made it hard for the cake he ate to settle. It was becoming more and more obvious that she was not his kind of pirate.

Then again, maybe he was misinterpreting her words. After all, anyone who fed him cake can't be all bad, right? Besides, she did have a point... sort of... The sea is known for pirates. If you are going out on it, you know the risk, and must be willing and able to deal with it. Well, except for those who are desperate and forced to, despite not being able to be strong...

In fact, that was a good question to ask! "I'm not sure I understand all that," Conrad admitted. "Quite a lot to think about, which I'm not so good at. But... what if someone who is injured or sick has to sail? What if a family needs to take their kids to a place on another island or they'd die? Or am I thinking too much into this?"

Hopefully Conrad did not blow his chances with the Pink Tooth crew, if he was overanalyzing things. If Captain Abigail thought he saw her as a monster or something, she might be heartbroken. But if she really was bad, what would he do? Why is everything so freaking complicated? Emotions really bite.

At least there was someone new to talk to. They had arrived at one of their destinations. Conrad's attention snapped to the friendly-seeming guy with the moustache that Abigail had greeted, catching something about cake and his pirate qualifications. The man was acting as if they were in an interview to join the crew. This was good, right?

Then why do I feel like a cow talking to a butcher about his best cuts of steak?

Conrad beamed and acted eager and willing to show his strengths. After all, he was. If this was legitimate, this was a great chance. And if something was up - though he was unsure of what could be up, then being seen as a threat could be helpful. "Let's see... I'm a great fighter, and am really hard to keep down. I've taken on a couple of pirate crews alone!"

[npc=misc]"So... you are strong and have great stamina? Excellent qualities in a pirate crew. Every crew could use someone who can work without tiring too easily. So many lazy pirates these days."[/npc]

Conrad rubbed his chin as if stroking an invisible beard.Weird, he thought. Strange way of describing what I said. No mention of fighting. I wonder...

He decided to test a hunch. "I'm also quite the escape artist! If another pirate crew captures me and locks me up, you'd never have to rescue me. I'd be out of there in a flash!"

For just a fraction of a second, the mafioso's expression flickered, but he was quickly back to his friendly self. He stole a look at Abigail. [npc=misc]"Oh? That is quite a useful skill, wouldn't you say, dear?"[/npc]

word count:

“My, what a curious skill! I didn’t know you were an escape artist in addition to all of your other talents Conrad!” Subtly, the woman drew her ax from her belt.

However, before she could raise her weapon and bring the flat of it down on Conrad’s head, the woman’s eyes bulged out of her head as she witnessed the mischievous teddy pop out of the garbage and slam her contact’s head between two trash can lids.

“Hey woman! Did you and your guy here ever think about runnin’ a less obvious grift? I’m surprised badger-boy here didn’t rip your asses apart…” looking up to the 4 '11 giant with an irritated look in his beady little eyes, Stitches felt vindicated and wondered why the lad hadn’t listened to him when he’d first warned him about Abigail.

“... eh, speakin’ of which– Conrad? I know they say it ain’t over until the fat lady sings, but I think the rules are different when the fat lady is holdin’ an ax over your head.” Stitches dropped the trash can lids in his paws and pointed nervously behind Conrad back to Abigail.

“Will you just shut up? Ever since we hauled you up in that barrel you’ve been nothing but trouble! Once I put our tiny, short, little, MICROSCOPIC little friend here to sleep I’m going to chop your head off and tear out all your stuffing!”

With this, the woman brought the flat head of her ax down toward the badger-man’s head, planning to bring his career as a kind, naive, noble-hearted young pirate to an abrupt end.

Word Count:

Conrad gave a sad, half-hearted smile at Abigail's praise of his skills. "Yeah, it comes in handy," he replied, enthusiasm draining from his words. "Nobody can... keep me... contained.

It was obvious that Conrad had some idea what was going on - at least until Stitches intervened, crushing Morello's head. Conrad nearly jumped out of his shoes at the sudden takedown, and shook in shock for a half-second. "Yikes! I was getting to that! I just wanted to give them the benefit of a doubt before kicking their butts! You don't beat up someone who gave you cake without proof!"

Stitches helpfully pointed out the threat of Abigail's axe behind him, but he was not prepared for the threat of her stinging words. Tiny? Short? Microscopic!? Those were more than just fighting words. Conrad's rage didn't instantly erupt, nor did it boil over slowly yet obviously. His rage was cold and hard and compressed as he silently and expressionlessly curled his hands into fists. Before he would react or even completely turn around, he was struck by the flat of her axe.

Struck in the shoulder, in his bestial form. He shoulder-checked the axe with a huff, knocking Abigail off-balance. He then spun around and let his anger explode in his punch, knocking her across the alleyway. She tumbled across the ground, managing to end up on her feet by the end, only for Conrad to rush at her while roaring. He swiped at her with his claws but was blocked by her axe. She countered with a kick to his gut followed by another swing of the blunt of her axe.

"Just give it up, little boy!" While the two traded blows, Abigail both tried to taunt Conrad and perform her fake-sweet act. It's clear you aren't cut out to be a pirate, but you can still make yourself useful to me by letting me make some money off of you! Just take a niiice little nap and it will all be over before you know it~"

Conrad did not, in fact, "give it up" or "take a nap." Instead, he exploded further in a flurry of slashes and smashes. "You tried to trick me! You insulted my height! You wanted to sell me! You called me short! You-"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Abigail was done playing around. Her slashes were now with the blade of the axe. She was out for blood. "Stop your damn rambling! To hell with this, I don't mind getting less money for damaged goods if it will shut you the hell up!"

Conrad dodged many of the axe hits and got in some strikes of his own, but had also taken some glancing blows from the axe. One of the axe strikes, however, hit him in the torso. Abigail's glee quickly turned to horror as he grabbed the handle and pulled it from her hands, then yanked the axe-head out - which was surprisingly in only shallowly and had much less bleeding than she expected. He tossed the axe aside and glared at her.

A moment of self-preservation kicked in for Abigail as she slowly backed away from what she once considered her prey. It did not last long, as it was quickly replaced by her arrogance. "I don't need my damn axe to take down a runt like you!" She charged and rammed him with all her might, pushing him back a bit and causing him to wince as she struck his wound.

Unfortunately for Abigail, it was not enough. He grabbed her by the shoulders and roared in her face. He then shouted at her, emphasizing each word with a hard headbutt. "You! Used! Cake! To! Betray! Meeee!" He finished his shout by lifting her off the ground, then arched his back and drove her back down into it in a violent suplex. He slowly leaned back up into a hunched over, exhausted stance, and mumbled, "...'m not short..."

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By the time that Morello regained his bearings and picked himself back up to his feet, the heavyweight pirate captain that he’d come to fear and admire had been wrestled into submission. The teddy bear that had rung his bell was headed over to rendezvous with the monstrous-looking Zoan that was responsible for his business partner’s downfall.

As Stitches looked over his shoulder, he saw the shady character limping away to the other end of the alleyway; the stuffy was certain that the man was headed to grab reinforcements.

The doll ran as fast as his useless little plush legs could carry him, jumping up and down in front of Conrad and pointing back in the direction of the beach, “Oh shit– okay, time to go buddy! I know you’re a tough guy, but these guys in the South Blue are bad news and I have a feelin’ that we’re gonna get jumped by a lot of ‘em if we stick around here. Let’s get outta here, and get down to the beach, I got a bone to pick with ya!...”

Marching his tiny way down in the direction of Baterilla’s beach, the bear looked back at the honey badger and beckoned that he follow, “... but before I give ya a piece of my mind, let’s get back to yer ship!”

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After that wild explosion of rage, Conrad was exhausted. He shifted back to his human form and walked away from the downed pirate captain. It was good that the battle was over, but apparantly it would not be for long if he and Stitches did not flee. The plushie was definitely freaking out, and when he told Conrad why, Conrad agreed with his reaction. "What do you mean, there's more of these jerks? Come on!"

Conrad ran with the bear, pushing past his tiredness to follow him. "I could fight these idiots all day, but... I really don't wanna." He panted heavily as he ran, slowly catching his breath. "So yeah, the beach it is. Away from these goons."

However, despite how much the fight took out of him, Conrad was not too tired not to argue. "Wait, what do you mean a bone to pick with me? What did I do?" He gestured wildly with his arms and hands. "I just finished picking bones, I don't need to do it with you too."

So they were heading to the beach for his ship. Fine by him, but there was just one problem. "Yes, my ship. The ship that is mine. The ship that I use to sail on the sea because I'm a pirate. That ship. Um... it uh... doesn't exist."

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Putting his little paw to his forehead as though to rub his brow in frustration, the stuffed doll muttered back to the honey badger, “un-fucking-believable…” though he was a fragmented, broken, tortured, remnant of a soul – if there was one thing that the bear still knew well it was piracy, “... okay, well you know how we’re gonna get a ship buddy?”

Shortly, Down on the Beach…

Waving a stick and posturing aggressively toward the Pink-Tooth pirates, Stitches exaggerated the terror of the badger-man, “this is Conrad! He’s the man that tore your captain Abigail to shreds, slashed her to pieces, ate her still-beating heart out of her chest! And until further notice you answer to him! You scumbags in the kitchen?! I’m your new chef! Start making some damn cake for your new captain! The rest of you, get us ready to leave!”

Surprisingly enough, the teddy bear’s intimidation proved quite effective, likely aided by the carnage some of the men had already seen at the hands of the sweet tooth. Pleased with his work, Stitches turned back to Conrad brushing the “palms” of his different-colored paws against one another, “there we go! Lesson 1: hostile takeover is always an option~”

Once the stuffy’s self-satisfaction had worn off, an angry glint reflected in his button eyes, looking up to Conrad, the bear spoke with a serious tone in his voice, “alright, here’s my problem buddy, why are you so eager to find a captain that you’re willing to settle for shit-for-brains idiot like her? You’re still a young guy! Why not just start your own crew?! If you find someone who’s actually worth a damn then you can decide that they’re worth being your captain! What kind of pirate are you?!”

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