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NPC
Tracker

Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Haki Level : 0
Hitpoints (HP) : 0
Attack (ATK) : 0
Defense (DEF) : 0
Reflex (RX) : 0
Willpower (WP) : 0
Level : 0
Experience Points : 0
Bounty : Variable
Berries Berries : Variable
Posts : 1271
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[Episode] A Brief Vacation - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] A Brief Vacation

Wed Jun 23, 2021 5:55 pm
The member 'Anton La'croix' has done the following action : Dice Roll


#1 'Reflex Check' : 14, 10, 13, 13

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 5, 8, 19, 20
Anton La'croix
Tracker

Name : Anton La'croix
Epithet : Screaming Grasshopper
Age : 23
Height : 5'9''
Weight : 186lb
Species : Human
Faction : Marine
World Position : Rear Admiral
Crew : The Guardian Knights
Ship : The Grand Steamer
Crew Role : Captain
Devil Fruit : Bug-Bug Fruit, Model: Grasshopper
Haki Level : 6
Hitpoints (HP) : 352
Attack (ATK) : 360
Defense (DEF) : 360
Reflex (RX) : 400
Willpower (WP) : 360
Level : 61
Experience Points : 6116
Quality Score : S
Income Multiplier : +23%; +20% (to all allies)
Berries Berries : 27,734,300
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Turf : Minion Island;
Posts : 445
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[Episode] A Brief Vacation - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] A Brief Vacation

Fri Jun 25, 2021 10:22 pm
Things were quiet for a moment as Anton's song ended. The watching crowd were a little confused, especially since the song seemed to self deprecating. Certainly a strange choice of song for such a 'performance'. Still, the accompanying choreography was impressive.

But to Lune and Sol, the song was quite clear. The frustration and sadness Anton felt, it was more than the physical pain he was no doubt feeling right now. Both sisters slowly looked to eachother. Their fighting was causing this. Then, of course, the sibling rivalry flaired up. No, the other was causing this. If they weren't fighting, Anton wouldn't be hurting himself like this. Anger flaired as orbs of fire and cold formed in their hands. With a loud shout, the two launched their attacks at eachother.

Anton moved like a blur, the following attack slamming down onto the two attacks with enough force to crack the pavement beneath him. The sound ringing out with a sense of finality. [Grand Spear - MT, hit] [Lune and Sol's MT, miss]

"ENOUGH!" Anton yelled out, "ENOUGHENOUGHENOUGH! Enough of this damn fighting!" Anger and pleading filled his voice as he looked between the two sisters. "You two are sisters! Family! Probably the only family each has left I imagine! You shouldn't be fighting, you should be treasuring eachother!" He took a deep breath in a futile attempt to calm down. His nerves were too frayed for that."If something happens to the other, what then? That sort of hole in your heart never heals. I should know!"

Tears started to well up in his eyes as pain wracked his features. [color=#006600]"Every day I wish my brother was here. But he's not! He's dead and gone and I'm here picking up the pieces of his bloody life!" It was all coming out now. The furstration, the anguish, not just of this event, but everything up to this point. The stress and danger he had to experience constantly ever since his brother's death. "I...I..."

He paused. The next few words came out in a pathetic whimper. "I don't feel so good..."

And with that, Anton collapsed to the floor, falling flat on his face.

The two women rushed to his side in a panic. [color:88a3=light blue]"Anty!" "Anton!" The pair rolled Anton onto his back, Lune feeling his forehead. [color:88a3=light blue]"He's burning up!" she yelled out, tears of panic welling in her eyes. The human body was not designed to go from hot to cold and back again so rapidly, as Anton was proving right now. Anomosity forgotten, Sol looked at her sister. "We need to get him inside, now!" Lune nodded, and lifting him up be his arms and legs, the two sisters hurriedly carried the feverish Anton into the inn.

The remaining crowed watched on, a little unsure to make of what happened. The ending was a little weak, but hey, the acrobatics and effects were amazing. After a few moments, finally realizing the show was over, they dispersed.

Post Word Count:
Total Word Count:

COMBAT TRACKERS:
PLAYER STATS:

(List the current values for your stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)


HP: 70/270 (-10 (LT) -5 (UT))
ATK: 360
DEF: 340
RX: 496/380
WP: 272/340


PLAYER RATIOS:

(For each one of your opponents, list your current RX% and DMG% against them.)


vs. Lune and Sol
RX%: 120
DMG%: 105




USED 4 TECHNIQUES | 0 TOGGLES | 0 HAKI:

(List all techniques (including UTs), toggles, and types of haki used/activated this turn and their effects.)


TECHNIQUES
Grand Spear | MT | hit | Flat | 21 | Lune and Sol
Snap Kick | LT | hit | Flat | 10 | Lune and Sol
TreblTreble Kick | LT | hit | DoT | 3 | Lune and Sol
UT | hit | flat | 5 | Lune and Sol


TOGGLES
{toggle name} | {toggle effect}


HAKI
{haki name} | {haki effect}


1 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 1 TOGGLES | 0 HAKI ACTIVE:

(List all techniques that have currently active effects and indicate the remaining duration. Also, indicate what effects they are dealing: e.g. DoT value, Stat Morph value.)


TECHNIQUES
Treble Kick | 3 damage | 4


TOGGLES
Molting | +20% Ref, -20% Will


HAKI
{haki name} | {haki effect} | {duration remaining}


8 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 1 HAKI COOLING DOWN:

(List all techniques and haki that are currently on cooldown and note the number of rounds before you can use them again.)


TECHNIQUES
B-Flat| 12
C-Sharp| 8
Pirouette | 3
Insect Launch | 4
Sonic Cannon | 2


HAKI
Kenbonshoku | 9


CREW COMPANION STATS:

(List the current values of your Crew Companions for the stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)


{Companion name}
Level:
HP:
ATK:
DEF:
RX:
WP:


{Companion name}
Level:
HP:
ATK:
DEF:
RX:
WP:




CREW COMPANION RATIOS:

(For each one of your Crew Companions, list their current RX% and DMG% against their opponents.)


{Companion name} vs. {opponent name}
RX%:
DMG%:




CREW COMPANION TECHNIQUES USED:

(List the class, type, damage/effects, and target of techniques used by your Crew NPCs.)


{Companion name}
{class} | {hit/miss} | {type} | {damage/effects} | {target}


{Companion name}
{class} | {hit/miss} | {type} | {damage/effects} | {target}




OPPONENT STATS:

(For each one of your opponents, list the current values for the stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)


Lune and Sol
Level: 63
HP: 0 (-21 (MT))
ATK: 350
DEF: 340
RX: 380
WP: 370




OPPONENT RATIOS:

(For each one of your opponents, list their current RX% and DMG% against you and your Crew Companions.)


Lune and Sol vs. Anton La'croix
RX%: 83
DMG%: 102




OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:

(List the class, damage, and target of techniques used by each one of your opponents if you or your Crew Companions are the direct targets.)


Lune and Sol
MT | miss |  N/A | Anton
LT | miss |  N/A | Anton
LT | hit |  10 | Anton
UT | hit | 5 | Anton




Anton La'croix
Tracker

Name : Anton La'croix
Epithet : Screaming Grasshopper
Age : 23
Height : 5'9''
Weight : 186lb
Species : Human
Faction : Marine
World Position : Rear Admiral
Crew : The Guardian Knights
Ship : The Grand Steamer
Crew Role : Captain
Devil Fruit : Bug-Bug Fruit, Model: Grasshopper
Haki Level : 6
Hitpoints (HP) : 352
Attack (ATK) : 360
Defense (DEF) : 360
Reflex (RX) : 400
Willpower (WP) : 360
Level : 61
Experience Points : 6116
Quality Score : S
Income Multiplier : +23%; +20% (to all allies)
Berries Berries : 27,734,300
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Turf : Minion Island;
Posts : 445
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[Episode] A Brief Vacation - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] A Brief Vacation

Wed Jul 07, 2021 3:13 pm
Anton let out a soft sigh as consciousness returned to him. He felt warm, very warm, and his head was throbbing. As his eyes slowly opened, he became aware that he was laying in his bed, looking at the ceiling. His mind tried to recall what had happened. There was a fight. Lune and Sol. Fireballs and spheres of cold being thrown around. Jaunty musical numbers. Did he just dream the whole thing?

A gentle sniff caused him to turn his head. There, sitting by his bedside, were Lune and Sol, the latter watching him with regretful concern, the former looking like she was about to burst into tears. "ANTY!" Lune yelled out, suddenly leaping forward and wrapping her arms around the bewildered man in a tight hug, "We're so sorry! Please don't hate us!" Anton flailed a little, more from surprise than anything, as Sol reached forward to try and pry her sister off of him. Anton pulled himself up, allowing him a chance to breath. "We've...been talking while you were sleeping," Sol said, trying to keep her own emotions at bay, "We're sorry we dragged you into this. We...we never wanted to hurt you Anton." "We promise we'll never fight again!" Lune blurted out.

Anton blinked, looking at the two girls before flopping back onto the bed. "Well, that's a relief. Though I wish next time we could skip the fireballs and ice attacks." The two sisters looked at him. "Y-You mean you don't hate us Anty?" Lune asked. Anton shook his head. "No Lune, I don't hate you. Either of you. It just...bothered me how you two were going at it like that. I mean, what brought that on, anyway?"

The two sisters paused, looking at eachother sheepishly. "And I thought so," Anton replied. The two had probably been fighting for so long that they most likely forgot about it. Needless to say, they were both embarrassed. "I guess it all seems silly now, when you think of it," Sol chuckled bashfully. Anton couldn't help but chuckle a little at that. "Well, I'm just glad it's over now." he looked at the two sisters. "So, what will you two be doing now? Maybe you can travel together now or something."

Lune grinned. "Oh, we will. But right now, we're staying right here. After all, you're here!" Anton blinked. This could be a problem. It was clear that both sisters liked him, and...well... Sol seemed to catch onto his unease. "Oh, don't worry. We already talked about that too." "Yeah! We decided instead of fighting over you, we're going to share you!" Anton blinked, trying to pack all this in. "You...do realize that we've only just met today, right?"

"Well, you were so kind and sweet, and handsome and chivelrous and brave..." "Plus your mother is an excellent hype woman." "Yes indeed!" Figures. Trust his mother to try and sell him to two women, and a pair of sisters at that! "But, we understand if you feel more strongly about one of us more than the other," Sol said, "That's right. So whichever of us you like best, we'll accept." Lune nodded. Anton stared at them. This was seriously a lot to take in. He had two women, sisters, who were fighting visciously seconds ago, telling him to pick one or the other. Sisters he only met just a day ago!

And...surprisingly enough, he found he couldn't make a choice. Choosing neither never seemed an option, but he couldn't pick one or the other. And what of Yumiko? A part of Anton was starting to realize that, well, that door was never open to begin with. She was so devoted to her work and her status as a samurai. Maybe it was time for Anton to move on as well.

Seeing Anton genuinely consider this caused both girls to flush. "W-We're just kidding Anty!" Lune blurted out with a nervous laugh. Sol laughed as well, rubbing the back of her head. "Y-Yeah. I mean, can you even imagine?"


Anton blinked, blushing brightly as he laughed awkwardly. "Y-Yeah...I guess..." Though there was now that feeling of uncertainty. That thought lingering in their minds. What if...? But such a thing couldn't work...could it?


An awkward silence hung in the room before Sol finally broke it. "Anyway! You were here for a break, weren't you? And here we come along and ruin it for you." "We'll do whatever we can to make up for it!" Lune exclaimed, "If you want, we can keep the snow. Or...if you wanted it warm, we can do that too."

Anton thought for a moment. Another choice. Choose snow and keep Lune happy, or pick melting it and please Sol. Dammit, why was making decisions so damn hard recently!?

He looked out the window, seeing the falling snow. A thought slowly occured to him. "I think I have an idea."

Word Count: 814
Total Word Count: 8,412


Last edited by Anton La'croix on Wed Sep 22, 2021 6:59 pm; edited 2 times in total
Anton La'croix
Tracker

Name : Anton La'croix
Epithet : Screaming Grasshopper
Age : 23
Height : 5'9''
Weight : 186lb
Species : Human
Faction : Marine
World Position : Rear Admiral
Crew : The Guardian Knights
Ship : The Grand Steamer
Crew Role : Captain
Devil Fruit : Bug-Bug Fruit, Model: Grasshopper
Haki Level : 6
Hitpoints (HP) : 352
Attack (ATK) : 360
Defense (DEF) : 360
Reflex (RX) : 400
Willpower (WP) : 360
Level : 61
Experience Points : 6116
Quality Score : S
Income Multiplier : +23%; +20% (to all allies)
Berries Berries : 27,734,300
[[bookworm]][[hardboiled]][[berryprinter]]
[[atkt4]][[atkt3]][[deft3]][[rxt3]]
Turf : Minion Island;
Posts : 445
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[Episode] A Brief Vacation - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] A Brief Vacation

Sat Aug 21, 2021 8:22 pm
The snow gently fell outside the window, giving Loguetown a gentle coating as morning slowly approached. Meanwhile, inside, a fire crackled, bathing Anton and the two sisters in a soft warmth. Anton sat in a soft chair, wrapped in a blanket and enjoying a cup of hot coco, while Sol sat on his left, talking enthusiastically about how she had acquired her unsual abilities. Not that Anton was entirely understanding it. Meanwhile, Luna was sitting on the other side. While Sol and Anton had coco, Lune had frozen hers and was now enjoying the icy treat. "And that's how you get past the whole body temperature threshhold!" Sol finished. Anton gave a small nod. "I...see." "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?" "Couldn't really follow. But you were so enthusiastic I didn't want to interrupt." Sol gave a small huff, but it showed she wasn't entirely offended.

Lune looked out the window, before looking back at Anton and Sol. "You know, this isn't bad. I mean, I would love it to be colder. But this...this is nice." Anton gave her a warm smile. "See? I told you guys that you can come together." Sol nodded. "Yeah. Honestly, I hadn't really thought about moments like this. Thank you Anton." Anton nodded, before a thought occured to him. "Now, perhaps you two can tell me something. Just...who are you two, really?" The two sisters blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?" Sol asked. Anton gave a small shrug. "Shiver? Cinder? I know you two are sisters, so I seriously doubt those are your real names. So, who are you two really?"

Both sisters looked at eachother sheepishly. "Kaiser," Lune finally replied. "Our real family name...is Kaiser."

Anton was quiet for a moment, as if thinking to himself. It was only after a moment the two realized he was humming a rather familiar tune. "Still fits," he said with a chuckle.

The two girls couldn't help but chuckle to themselves. They looked at one another. Earlier today they were fighting it out, and now, here they were, sitting by a fire and having coco together.

Sol thought for a moment. "So, Anton. What are your plans fo-" she was cut off by Lune shushing her. She almost looked offended until she saw her sister smiling and pointing at Anton.

He had fallen asleep. For the first time in a long time, he seemed quite peaceful.

The two sisters exchanged smiles, before leaning in and planting a kiss on the marines cheeks. [color:83b8=light blue]"Sweet dreams Anty." "Goodnight Anton."

----*^*----

"And that's how it went," Anton finished, sitting back behind his desk as Celia listened.

"Sounds like an interesting trip," she said, looking through some papers she was holding, "Um, you said their names were Sol Cinder and Lune Shiver, correct?"

"Kaiser," Anton corrected, taking a sip of tea.

Celia nodded. "Well, Anton, it would seem both those girls have a bounty of ninety million belis." She had to duck to avoid the shot of tea as Anton did a spit take.

"WHAT DID THOSE TWO DO!?"

End.

Post Word Count: 515
Total Word Count: 8,927
Gray
The Conqueror / Black Fist
Tracker

Name : Gray Starks
Epithet : The Conqueror / Black Fist
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" / 310 cm
Weight : 1043 lbs / 473 kg
Species : Human Cyborg
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Haki Level : 10
[[haoasc]][[busoasc]][[kenbunasc]]
Hitpoints (HP) : 750
Attack (ATK) : 800
Defense (DEF) : 600
Reflex (RX) : 715
Willpower (WP) : 650
Level : 100
Prestige : 8
Experience Points : 18000
Bounty : 5,000,000,000
EXP Multiplier : +10% (to all allies)
Income Multiplier : +20%
Shop Discount : -30%
Berries Berries : 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[childofdestiny]][[freakofnature]]
[[punchoutguru]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]
[[atkt6_sp]][[deft6]][[rxt6]][[wpt6]]
[[1needlelog]][[3needlelog]]
Posts : 2763
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[Episode] A Brief Vacation - Page 2 Empty Re: [Episode] A Brief Vacation

Fri Oct 29, 2021 4:40 pm

GRADING


ASSESSMENT COMMENTS
Anton La'croix:

+ Please try to use dialogue colours that contrast better with the background (or use post templates that use a different background colour). I had to strain my eyes to Anton's and Celia's dialogue.

+ I loved that introduction of Lune Shiver. The song and the flash mob were hilarious! You've got me hooked!

+ [Anton stood there, a little confused. He recognized that she was making excuses for and didn't want to go. But why? Had something happened?

Fear suddenly gripped him. Had something happened to his parents?] The conclusion that something had happened to his inn/parents was a bit of a leap. But, I do like that Anton's anxious and pessimistic side is flaring again.

+ Seeing Anton spoiled by his parents is heartwarming. Love it.

+ ["We've been keeping up with everything that's been going on," his mother said with a big smile. "The battle of Las Camp, you liberating Minion Island, and even protecting a foreign prince! Oh we're so proud of you! If only your brother could be alive to see you now."

If Basil had been alive, Anton would never have gotten into the marines in the first place. Though he kept that part quiet.

As his father returned, his mother gave him a small smile. "So, tell us Anton. How's your crew? Are they good people? Found...anyone yet?" Any son knew that smile. The smile of a woman who very much wanted to see their son find someone and before long give her grandchildren.

Anton flushed in embarrassment.

"Mother! N-No, I haven't found anyone. And my crew are some fine people." Though he did leave out his attraction to Yumiko. Unfortunately the woman from Wano thought the most romantic thing someone could do was die in their arms.] Your paragraphs can still sometimes run longer than needed. The above excerpt was all one paragraph. I broke it up for you here.

+ ["This group wouldn't happen to include a woman in blue with white hair, would it?" Anton asked, remembering Lune's reaction to hearing about the inn.] Some unnecessary details can be left out. Anton's question already implies who he was referring to.

+ [Ah yes, the tell tale words that often meant 'please come and meet my son, and maybe marry him.'] LOL. Maybe one day, mama La'croix will get her wish.

+ ["I'm Missus green summer, I'm Missus sun.
I'm Missus heat blister, I'm Missus hundred and one.
They call me Sol Cinder, whatever I touch,
starts to melt in my touch.
I'm too much."] Another fantastic introduction! The mystery is building up very nicely!

+ [...he gave a long yawn...] "He yawned" would suffice.

+ [Today had certainly been a very interesting day.] Using phrases like "today" in your narration places your narrator at a specific point in time in your world/story. Unless the narrator himself is an entity that exists within the world they're telling the story of, you should keep them independent of your story's timeline. In this case, "It had certainly been a very interesting day" would be more suitable.

This is not to be confused with how your narration is written in the "third-person limited" point-of-view from Anton's perspective. Just because the narrator's knowledge is limited to what Anton knows does not necessarily make him an entity that exists within Anton's world.


+ [His mind kept going back to Lune and Sol. Both were very...interesting women. The songs and backup singers were one thing, there were some quirky people in this world, but there was something else about them. Something unsual. And no doubt the two knew eachother. Lune, who was cold, and Sol, who was hot. Lune's reluctance to come with him to the inn made sense the instant he met Sol. It was also why he didn't mention her. No sense in kicking a potential hornet's nest.] Most of this didn't really need to be spelled out. It was fairly obvious to the reader why Anton might not have risked bringing up Lune in front of Sol.

+ ["What was that!? Are we under attack!? Status report! STATUS REPORT!"] Imagining Anton doing this in his bedroom at his parents' place made me chuckle. PTSD is real.

+ [Anton's body was already tense, the fleet admiral looking around for the source of the attack.] Getting way ahead of yourself there, buddy. Lmao.

+ [Note. In regards to this fight, Anton isn't attempting to defeat Lune and Sol. More, he's trying to prevent their fighting from causing any damage. Mechanics play out as normal, with Anton's successful attacks blocking the two sisters, while any hits on their end are Anton getting caught in the crossfire. Thank you for your time.] Excellent idea! But, ya don't have to be so formal mate.

+ [ [Episode] A Brief Vacation - Page 2 UIh9p2e ] I loved the use of the two colours here to represent Sol and Lune shouting in unison.

+ I enjoyed the revelation of the girls not being devil fruit users.

+ [ C-Sharp | AoE | hit (graze) | Flat | 26 | Lune and Sol ] Not sure why your AoE only did 26 damage here when your DMG% was 1.05. You would've won the fight here.

+ LOL! I loved Anton's song as well. Poor lad. Kudos to Maxwell for that.

+ ["Well, you were so kind and sweet, and handsome and chivelrous and brave..."] Borderline self-succ. XD

+ ["W-We're just kidding Anty!"] OH damn, that's heartbreaking. Poor Anty.

+ Loved the end revelation of the bounties!

+ Overall, this was a surprisingly entertaining episode! I loved Sol and Lune - even if their infatuation with Anton was just slightly cringey at some points. The fight dragged out a little longer than it should have, but, it had plenty enough character development to keep me interested. Hopefully next time, you can leverage the new combat system rules to make the combat encounters brief and focus more on the story.

Well done!





REWARDS

Anton La'croix:

Difficulty Bonus: +25% (+1)
Quality Bonus: +200% (S)
Length Bonus: 1.79 (8,927 words)
Apology Bonus: +20% (For the wait.)
EXP Multiplier: +0%
Income Multiplier: +43%

EXP: +309 (1.79*50)*(1+0.25+2+0.2+0)
Berries: +105,914,300 (1.79*61*250k)*(1+0.25+2+0.2+0.43)



Old EXP: 5807
Updated EXP: 6116 (Please let me know where you would like to distribute your 60 stat points.)
(Please also note that I have unlocked your fighting style for tier-up updates.)
(For any subsequent quests you complete in the Blues, you will need to redirect your EXP to another character. Anton is already beyond the level cap for the Blues.)

Old balance: 187,640,000
Updated balance: 293,554,300




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